AIBU about this wedding situation?

[KikiAndSherona]

Sorry another wedding one. Tis the season and all that.

Basically DP and I have been invited to a wedding soon. It's over a 4 hour drive away, and we are invited to the evening part. It's one of his old friends from uni. We have a toddler and have only had one chance to go out for a meal together for a few hours since she was born. My DM is having toddler overnight so this will be the first time we have had a night away just the two of us. Booked in to the hotel where the wedding is, which is a nice venue.

DP used to DJ when he was a student. Clubs/house parties type thing. The friend who is getting married has asked him to DJ at his wedding. Apparently the person they have hired is only doing a certain length of time (which I find very odd but never mind), then they were going to make a playlist of songs to play for the remainder.

I am not happy about him DJing. The only other person I will know at the whole wedding is the groom, and I'm just going to end up sat on my own until he's finished. I am very much an introvert and can't see myself getting involved in conversations with random people I don't know (and it will be an evening do anyway so assuming the music will be loud too). I wanted to have a nice night together and this is just stressing me out. He's under the impression that 'if someone asks you to do something you should do it' but I've told him he's perfectly entitled to say no. It's so close to the wedding now (within days) and he's leaving it really late to just be straight about it. I told him ages ago that i don't want him to do it but he's not even said anything to the groom about it!

Am I being really awful here? I'm generally a very laid back person and we hardly ever argue and I'm really second guessing myself here. Apparently he's spoken to various friends/family and they are all of the opinion that he should do it no questions asked I don't want to travel all that way to just sit nursing a drink alone.

Seriously Hedda? Really fail to see your point of view. I will try to explain it to you, but I suspect you are refusing to understand rather than actually trying.

RE: Babysitters: Some people do not feel comfortable going out and leaving their children with complete strangers, this may not be rational, but I know I fall into the category. I have also babysat for a friend (last minute thing) and her child woke up in the middle of the night and cried for an hour for her mum! (nightmare since I had work the next day) Pretty sure my kids would do that... For some people, the cost of getting a babysitter and the financial sacrifices this means for that month, ruins the whole night. It is hard for the evening to feel "worth it". However, sometimes it is easier to justify if it is a special occasion.

RE OP's post: You need to clear up when your DH said no and if he ever said yes in the first place. I wouldn't show if he said yes originally, then cancelled a few days before. If he always said no, and the groom was just pushing it and he has continued to say no and offered an alternative, then your DH has done nothing wrong. Perhaps his pride is wounded by an invite to wedding simply to provide a free service. Totally rude! I would be having a lovely night out, staying at the hotel (that I assume you have paid for already) but going elsewhere. Perhaps a nice restaurant for you and your husband?

RE: Babysitters: Some people do not feel comfortable going out and leaving their children with complete strangers

Nice value judgement. Hope it helps when your marriage is in the toilet because you go out together one every 5 years.

Btw - I was too cheap to have a DJ at my wedding, my husband set up the music system connected to spotify, had a playlist setup, then we asked guests to put on whatever music they liked. They just added tracks to the queue. It was fine. Although mine was a wedding party of 11 people (including my DH and DD). We were pretty laidback about it all...

And how many marriages go down the toilet due to money problems Hedda? You are being really arsey on this thread.

Nice value judgement. Hope it helps when your marriage is in the toilet because you go out together one every 5 years.

You must be a troll or a complete fucking idiot. Don't judge my relationship by your standards. For your information, I don't actually like going out to the pub or a club. Never have, it is not my cup of tea. We're not all the same. My DH and I are perfectly happy, we have quality time together, but we don't always have to spend money to do it. We actually like each others company without the need of alcohol or other people... We have had the occasional "special" treat, our last trip (The Comedy store) was a lovely treat for us both, but I suffered some anxiety making that trip as it was outside of my comfort zone. At least I didn't worry about my daughter as she was with my parents.

I would be having a lovely night out, staying at the hotel (that I assume you have paid for already) but going elsewhere. Perhaps a nice restaurant for you and your husband?

Since the OP says the hotel is the wedding venue this would be a ballsy move - imagine bumping into the wedding guests the next morning!

Your partner should have thought about your position before saying yes. However, I find it interesting that you saw this wedding as an opportunity to get dressed up and go out. Do the bride and groom play any role at all?

Coffee, cake and a $10 an hour baby sitter cost $140 .....erm just WHAT was in that cake exactly ?????