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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think this woman was unnecessarily mean to 14 yo dd?

106 replies

user1471470353 · 31/08/2016 22:58

dd was in the park today with her friends and our 6 month old chocolate lab. when she let our puppy off the lead, he walked over to a mum with her toddler. the toddler hid behind her mum to which dd walked over to get our puppy and told them that he's very sweet and gentle. the mum shouted at her that he is not sweet to kids who dont like dogs, having never met our puppy before, and scared him off with her shouting. he ran over to another area (dogs are completely allowed in this park, even off lead btw) and the mum's toddler screamed at the dog's sudden movement. the mum then shouted at my dd 'this is not funny, get your dog right now' and told her child , who was now walking towards the dog not to go anywhere near the dog or dd. dd walked to join her friends having put the dog on the lead and saw the lady with her arms crossed glaring at her. the dog had not shown any signs of aggression or hyper activeness. of course some children are afraid of dogs which is why dd instantly tried to get him back but i think this was a bit of a harsh reaction. dd is a young 14 and was quite upset to be shouted at by a stranger. interested in what u would have done in the situation and whether you think dd was in the wrong? thank you!

OP posts:
elodie2000 · 01/09/2016 07:14

*all such helpful feedback and has served its purpose, this thread is of no use to me now

elodie2000 · 01/09/2016 07:20

OP 'all such helpful feedback and has served its purpose... disconnecting now so this thread will be useless from now on...this thread is of no use to me now'

Mm, that's not how MN works OP! People will keep posting!

YABU - I really don't like dogs and I don't care how 'friendly' they are. I don't want them near me!

Houseconfusion · 01/09/2016 07:28

Yawns.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2016 07:48

Honestly, I do think the woman was unnecessarily rude and did not fact in the best way herself. If my toddler had been scared by a dog (or anything) I would have picked them up and calmed them down. Shouting at anyone isn't going to help the situation and has reinforced to the toddler that dogs are bad and scared the dog off so that the toddler got scared again.

That said, your DD should have called the dog back and not let him off the lead anyway given he is too young to be reliable off lead in a space like that.

PapaverSomniferum · 01/09/2016 07:51

Dogs shouldn't be off lead in parks

Ah feck off - parks are for dogs as well as children. They should be under control and the owner should clean up after them, of course, but they are entitled to be off lead unless there's signage to say otherwise.

GabsAlot · 01/09/2016 09:21

go to a park where theres no dogs allowed

why should i?

MyWineTime · 01/09/2016 09:45

I'd rather you and your kids stay away from me and my dog.
Stalemate.
No, because I wouldn't be approaching your dog in the first place. If your dog approaches me and I move away from it or ask you to call your dog back, I expect you to do it, not tell me how gentle and friendly he is.
There is absolutely no point in telling me that it won't hurt me.
I'm not afraid of dogs, I just don't like them. I don't like the way they smell or slobber or jump up and your words of reassurance completely dismiss that.

IMO a lot of people contribute towards their children's fear of dogs through their own hysteria.
Hysteria? I've never been hysterical in my life, never mind over a dog. I have an older child who loves dogs, the younger one hated them. The sensory issue was a big problem for him (ASD). It's the dog owners responsibility every time, to keep them under control around people who don't like them. The fact that most of the time you judge there to have been no harm done, doesn't mean that no harm is done! A child who is frightened by an encounter with a dog can hold onto that fear for many years or even life.

I don't mind being in the same park as dogs that are off the lead, but I expect you to call it away when I ask. I would never allow my children to intrude on another family.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2016 09:57

go to a park where theres no dogs allowed

why should i?

Well, if you don't you can't whinge about dogs being there. The same was as if you hat children you don't go to somewhere kids are allowed and the whinge about them being children. Of course, I n both cases there should obviously be give and take and consideration for others.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2016 09:58

Oh FFS' autocorrect "the same as if you hate children..."

SoupDragon · 01/09/2016 10:01

Dogs shouldn't be off lead in parks...

To be fair, some children shouldn't be off lead in parks either.

Oysterbabe · 01/09/2016 10:05

If a strangers dog got into my toddlers face I'd shout too. I love dogs but wouldn't trust any of them with a child.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2016 10:16

This dog didn't "get in a toddlers face"

JacquesHammer · 01/09/2016 10:40

Sort of related anecdote - when my DD was teeny (I'm thinking she was around 3) we were on a beach. A rather boisterous lab promptly broke his lead and came bounding up and knocked her down.

The poor man was mortified, ran over practically in tears apologising. My daughter leaped up and yelled "again" Grin

I think the woman overreacted a touch - in any event she was unreasonable to be rude. You have also admitted that DD was unreasonable having puppy off lead so no harm done.

I do think YWBU not to post a pic of a puppy though Smile

Chwaraeteg · 01/09/2016 10:41

Yabvu. If you can't control your dog, don't let it off the damn lead.

I love dogs myself but I also know what it's like to have a phobia (I used to be terrified of spiders) so I feel sorry for the toddler / mother of toddler.

If your 14 year old is old enough to be in control of your dog then she's old enough to be rebuked for not doing the job of being in control of your dog.

sleeponeday · 01/09/2016 19:37

OP, cancel the cheque. Wink

I admire the grace with which you took the responses here.

MyWineTime · 01/09/2016 21:22

This dog didn't "get in a toddlers face"
Except we don't know that, because no-one here (including the OP) witnessed it.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 01/09/2016 21:33

YABU

mrsm43s · 01/09/2016 22:04

The woman was clearly terrified, the toddler may or may not have been.

The dog caused (unintentionally) nuisance and distress. The dog's owner was in the wrong, because it allowed the dog to cause the nuisance and distress.

If you cannot guarantee that your dog will not approach others (regardless of what they are doing, walking/running/cycling etc) then they absolutely MUST be kept on the lead in public.

Collaborate · 01/09/2016 22:35

Thank god the people I meet walking my dog aren't as bonkers as you lot. Most dogs (like mine) have little to no interest in approaching other people. The problems occur when people don't leave the dogs alone - but I suppose you lot in the anti-dog brigade would blame that on the dog too.

The OP's daughter sounds quite responsible. The dog did nothing wrong. It walked over to someone, for pity's sake, then was scared away by the mother wailing at it.

TwoLittleBlooms · 01/09/2016 22:49

Collaborate

I'd rather you and your kids stay away from me and my dog.

Stalemate.

The child didn't come near the dog, the dog bounded at the toddler (and for what it is worth, I would have shouted too, if you have to chase your dog rather than just call it back then it is not under control). It is normally the dog that is doing the coming near, bounding etc. so your comment is a bit pointless.

NoMudNoLotus · 02/09/2016 00:10

Collaborate don't you realise it is a heinous crime to own a pet dog Wink.

These threads are always the same.........
Pointless.
I will continue to let my dog off lead in the park - as I am entitled & allowed to - I presume that people who don't like dogs, will take themselves off to a non dog friendly park.

Willow2016 · 02/09/2016 00:50

Notmud
Nobody is saying its a crime to have a dog ffs!
You are only entitled to let the dog off the lead as long as it doesnt cause annoyance and fear in some one else in the park.
If you cannot control your dog then it should be on a lead.

And I notice you have plenty to say on people should just go somewhere different to suit YOU yet you havent answered the question as to where we are to go so we never meet any dogs!

Some random dog lolloping up and scaring kids isnt pointless, nor is it funny when they are hysterical with fear or the bloody dog knocks them over. Dont care how a 'friendly 'dog it is keep it the feck away from other people minding their own business. 'As they are entitled and allowed to do'

SoupDragon · 02/09/2016 06:42

This dog didn't "get in a toddlers face"
Except we don't know that, because no-one here (including the OP) witnessed it

Yes, I know. If only the people claiming the dog was in the toddlers face realised it too.

All the information we have to go on is given by the OP so people should stop exaggerating.

AnotherOneBitesTheDust9 · 02/09/2016 07:04

With dogs getting the reputation they do, I wouldn't let a 14 year old be in charge of an off lead puppy. Different if it's a reliable adult dog.

I'm an adult and have had my adult dog attacked on more than one occasion when he has been on lead. People can be awful. Running away or not even helping get their dog away. I wouldn't expect a 14 year old to deal with that and so many people seem to loathe dogs that I feel like it's asking for a problem really...

CaptainBrickbeard · 02/09/2016 07:06

All the helpful advice to go to a dog free park is useless. I take my kids to a dog free park locally because I'm scared of dogs. Guess what? People bring their bloody dogs in anyway! Oh but it's ok because the dog is so friendly/the owner is pregnant (don't know why that excused her but she thought it did) / the other people in the park said it was ok / the dog is out of bloody control and jumped over the fence to get to our picnic. Irresponsible dog owners will cause their dogs to be a nuisance regardless. Responsible owners will make sure their dog doesn't bother other people. If I go to a park where there are only decent owners, it won't matter that dogs are off lead because they will be trained, well behaved and have good recall - or their owners wouldn't let them off lead. The park near my parents is like this and I'm never scared taking the kid there even though there are plenty of dogs around. Idiotic/inexperienced/incompetent owners will carry on letting their dogs harass, upset and sometimes injure others. Dog ownership should be properly regulated so that only people who can look after dogs properly are allowed to own them - then they wouldn't be a nuisance.