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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think this woman was unnecessarily mean to 14 yo dd?

106 replies

user1471470353 · 31/08/2016 22:58

dd was in the park today with her friends and our 6 month old chocolate lab. when she let our puppy off the lead, he walked over to a mum with her toddler. the toddler hid behind her mum to which dd walked over to get our puppy and told them that he's very sweet and gentle. the mum shouted at her that he is not sweet to kids who dont like dogs, having never met our puppy before, and scared him off with her shouting. he ran over to another area (dogs are completely allowed in this park, even off lead btw) and the mum's toddler screamed at the dog's sudden movement. the mum then shouted at my dd 'this is not funny, get your dog right now' and told her child , who was now walking towards the dog not to go anywhere near the dog or dd. dd walked to join her friends having put the dog on the lead and saw the lady with her arms crossed glaring at her. the dog had not shown any signs of aggression or hyper activeness. of course some children are afraid of dogs which is why dd instantly tried to get him back but i think this was a bit of a harsh reaction. dd is a young 14 and was quite upset to be shouted at by a stranger. interested in what u would have done in the situation and whether you think dd was in the wrong? thank you!

OP posts:
MissBeaHaving · 31/08/2016 23:21

I don't necessarily agree that dogs should stay on the lead in parks, if the recall is solid,the dog is properly trained & out with an experienced adult it's acceptable imo.

However,a 6month old pup with a teenager & her friends,no way at all.

Tbh this is probably one of the best scenarios for your dd to have experienced,what would she do if the pup had run out of the park spooked or even bit or warned of by another dog?
It happens Op & it's impossible at times for an adult to try and catch a spooked dog.

If she wants to walk the pup do it with her & get her involved with training,keep pup on the lead until you are 100% sure it will come back when called.

AnotherDayInParadiseLost · 31/08/2016 23:21

Good for you OP Smile

WardrobeMalfunction · 31/08/2016 23:22

YABU. It's worth noting that, to a toddler, the puppy probably seems huge. If you were that small, and nose to nose with some panting, drooling dog, you might be frightened too Hmm
I probably would have shouted tbh.

PinkyOfPie · 31/08/2016 23:25

As someone who is extremely nervous of dogs especially 'bouncy' ones, it really doesn't help when people tell you they're friendly. In fact it makes it worse because you know they're likely to jump all over you.

However if this was me I would appreciate the fact that a 14yo may not have a full grasp of dog walking etiquette and was probably saying it to be nice. I always say "sorry can you get it away I'm very nervous of dogs" and most people oblige, there was no need for her to be so rude. I also wouldn't hang around near said dog afterwards!

Hope your DD is ok

blueberryporridge · 31/08/2016 23:25

It's a shame your DD was upset by the woman in the park but even more of a shame that you and she seem to be so focused on her upset that you don't seem to be thinking about the upset your DD caused that woman and her toddler. Your DD was not in control of your dog so she is in the wrong, as are you for letting her take it out if she can't control it.

Your DD needs to understand that even if she thinks your dog is adorable, a proportion of other people do not want to have to interact with it, either because they are scared of dogs or don't like them.

And please tell her not to tell people that "he is very sweet and gentle". Whether he is or not is totally irrelevant. Dog owners who say this are in my experience dog owners whose dogs are out of control.

PinkyOfPie · 31/08/2016 23:26

And FWIW I don't think dogs always need to be on leads, as long as the owner has control of them off the lead it's really fine in a park that's away from the road!

BlancheBlue · 31/08/2016 23:27

Stupid and rude behaviour from your DD. "this is not funny" the women said? So your DD or friends were laughing and taking the piss out of this women and child too?

Guessing not many boundaries in your home for dogs or dc

Original poster
user1471470353 · 31/08/2016 23:31

all such helpful feedback and has served its purpose - i have a fresh perspective and will move forward with dd to ensure nothing like this happens again. i am extremely grateful that no harm was done and i am glad to take this as an opportunity to refresh walking etiquette with her. often on our walks by letting toddlers stroke the dog we have helped them to overcome their fears but i will explain to her that this is not always the case. luckily the toddler then calmed down and wanted to come over to the dog but they were both heading in opposite directions so this was not possible. thank you for all the feedback, it has been very helpful and now this thread is out of use for me.

OP posts:
ArchibaldsDaddy · 31/08/2016 23:32

Hmm...Parkmum sounds like an utter maniac. However, I would tend to agree with other comments about perfect recall in a busy park. I'm a big fan of dogs I know, but am always initially wary of ones I don't.

Arfarfanarf · 31/08/2016 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeralBeryl · 31/08/2016 23:41

I don't really want to say 'YABU' as I see you've taken the comments on the chin Smile just wanted to add my perspective really.
My youngest is going through a totally unnecessary 'I'm petrified of dogs' bollocks.
Another of my DCs did the same and we worked through it with family and friends' dogs and gentle reintroduction.
Lots of park walks with pointing at dogs and 'nice doggie' chat.
This would have scared the living shit out of her and put us back weeks with getting her sorted so I may have snapped at your DD too if I thought she was minimising.
You sound lovely though.
Also you can make this all better by showing us a picture- I adore chocolate labs.

Katinkka · 31/08/2016 23:43

Don't let your dog off lead near strangers, especially toddlers! Have some bloody common sense.

Take the dog with a long line somewhere you can let him off and practice recall. I took my dog to some playing fields which are only used by dogs during the day.

MyWineTime · 31/08/2016 23:52

dd walked over to get our puppy and told them that he's very sweet and gentle
I absolutely hate it when dog owners say this.
I don't care how sweet, gentle, friendly or amazing your dog is - I don't want him around me or my kids!
Only take them off the lead if you have complete control over them.

Lovelydiscusfish · 31/08/2016 23:58

Going against the grain here, but I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
I don't think all dogs should be on leads in parks, nor have I ever been in a park where this is the case.
Judging from the responses above, I must have lived in some strangely dog-permissive areas, it appears...
Your dog went over near this family. That's ok. If I take dd (or just myself) to a park, I expect dogs to come over near us/me. As long as they don't jump up at dd, or do anything upsetting or negative, then that is absolutely fine. We like to pat them, actually, when we've checked with the owners we can. But if we didn't, so what? They're just present. I understand some people are scared of dogs, but people can be scared of all sorts (wasps, birds etc) - doesn't mean you can legislate for these things never to come near you.
Seeing the child was unhappy, your dd went over to retrieve the puppy. Again, good. And it sounds like she was polite and apologised to the mum. Although, from what you've said (if I've read you correctly) the dog didn't do anything except walk near the people, so she didn't actually NEED to apologise ( polite that she did, though).
Please don't keep your dog on the lead all the time now - your dog needs to run - it will go insane otherwise! It hasn't done anything wrong, and nor has your daughter.

seahorse106 · 01/09/2016 00:03

Probably why her child is scared of dogs if she behaves like that any time a dog goes anywhere near them!

Collaborate · 01/09/2016 00:03

This is the law relating to dogs being "under control" taken from the gov website:

1. Overview
It’s against the law to let a dog be dangerously out of control anywhere, such as:

in a public place
in a private place, eg a neighbour’s house or garden
in the owner’s home
The law applies to all dogs.

Out of control
Your dog is considered dangerously out of control if it:

injures someone
makes someone worried that it might injure them
A court could also decide that your dog is dangerously out of control if either of the following apply:

it attacks someone’s animal
the owner of an animal thinks they could be injured if they tried to stop your dog attacking their animal

The definition of making someone worried that the dog might injure someone is subject to a test of reasonableness. Therefore there must be objective grounds for a person to reasonably believe that the dog might injure them. It's all in s3 of the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991.

So, OP, it seems to me that without anything else to go on your daughter and puppy were doing nothing wrong. Being within a certain distance of someone who has an (ir)rational fear of dogs does not make a dog dangerously out of control.

Collaborate · 01/09/2016 00:05

I don't care how sweet, gentle, friendly or amazing your dog is - I don't want him around me or my kids!

I'd rather you and your kids stay away from me and my dog.

Stalemate.

GabsAlot · 01/09/2016 00:07

yeah good idea lovely espcially when the dd cant recal the dog yet

what is it with people and my dogs lovely dont worry

my mum was petrified of dogs she couldnt even walk past them on a lead so many times my dad had rows with people about their frendly dogs

just ignorant

lalalalyra · 01/09/2016 00:17

I'm always amazed when people let their dogs wander over to my toddler. Yes, you might be fully confident that your dog is sweet and gentle, but you have no idea how the toddler is going to react.

For all you know the toddler could be going through a kicking phase or could scream and startle your dog. If the toddler reacts and scares or hurts your dog then the one that's going to get in trouble if the dog reacts to defend itself is the dog.

Protect the children yes, but also protect your dog. It used to be a nightmare when my nephew was small. He is autistic and also very unpredictable. Sometimes he'd pet a dog gently, other times he'd be likely to yank an ear or scream in the dogs face. My SIL lived on her nerves crossing the park and ended up having to limit the time she took him there because of inconsiderate dog owners. If you can't call your dog back then it should be on a leash.

WannaBe · 01/09/2016 00:22

These threads always bring out the worst in people. Yes, the DD should have had the dog under control esp as six month old lab puppies can be incredibly bouncy and are quite big by that age.

But no harm came to anyone. She retrieved the dog and apologised.

IMO a lot of people contribute towards their children's fear of dogs through their own hysteria.

It often does concern me when young teens take big dogs out because they often don't have a level of control over them as they can e.g. Pull a lot, might not have perfect recall etc, and are ill equipped to deal with members of the public who seem to object to the very existence of dogs.

I have a guide dog, and DS is allowed to take him out as he walks perfectly to heel, has good recall etc. However my previous dog had serious dog distraction issues (which ultimately cost him his career as a guide dog,) and I would never have allowed DS to take him out without me, not even now when he is nearly fourteen as I couldn't predict how he would be able to handle him if he' den countered another dog.

DoJo · 01/09/2016 00:25

Doesn't matter how sweet or lovely your dog is, I'm still going to be allergic to it so I don't want it to lick me, rub around my legs or to have to touch it at all.

QueenLizIII · 01/09/2016 00:30

Of all the phobias or dislikes out there, dogs seems to be the most unacceptable out there and I dont know why.

There is a spider thread going on and people ooze sympathy, health anxiety, other phobias all met with support.

But dogs...in RL and on websites, to dislike dogs is anathema. I dont like dogs, I hate them off leash, they make me nervous, one chased me as a child learning to ride my bike and bit my ankle. They terrify me.

If that upsets a few dog lovers so be it. You love your dog no one else does.

UmbongoUnchained · 01/09/2016 00:31

I would've shouted too. My daughter is terrified of dogs.

NoMudNoLotus · 01/09/2016 00:31

If people do not like dogs , they should go to parks where dogs are not allowed or where dogs have to be on leads.

Dogs and their owners are entitled to use the parks - tbh I get sick of other peoples children intruding on our space whilst lazy parents just let them "join" another family.

My dog will be curious & inquisitive in a park, she will get excited, she will play & run & sometimes bark as she gets so excited playing football.

None of that means she is uncontrollable.

5OBalesofHay · 01/09/2016 00:33

I don't like dogs. I don't want them near me. Not scared of them, just dislike the stinking slobbering bastards. If one touched me in a public space I would be furious with some gurning twat saying oh he wont hurt you.

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