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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to think this woman was unnecessarily mean to 14 yo dd?

106 replies

user1471470353 · 31/08/2016 22:58

dd was in the park today with her friends and our 6 month old chocolate lab. when she let our puppy off the lead, he walked over to a mum with her toddler. the toddler hid behind her mum to which dd walked over to get our puppy and told them that he's very sweet and gentle. the mum shouted at her that he is not sweet to kids who dont like dogs, having never met our puppy before, and scared him off with her shouting. he ran over to another area (dogs are completely allowed in this park, even off lead btw) and the mum's toddler screamed at the dog's sudden movement. the mum then shouted at my dd 'this is not funny, get your dog right now' and told her child , who was now walking towards the dog not to go anywhere near the dog or dd. dd walked to join her friends having put the dog on the lead and saw the lady with her arms crossed glaring at her. the dog had not shown any signs of aggression or hyper activeness. of course some children are afraid of dogs which is why dd instantly tried to get him back but i think this was a bit of a harsh reaction. dd is a young 14 and was quite upset to be shouted at by a stranger. interested in what u would have done in the situation and whether you think dd was in the wrong? thank you!

OP posts:

NoMudNoLotus · 01/09/2016 00:38

50bales you just need to find some parks then where they aren't allowed .....

UmbongoUnchained · 01/09/2016 00:39

It's pretty much impossible where I am to find anywhere that dogs aren't allowed. Pubs, cafes, beaches, parks....

WatcherOfTheNight · 01/09/2016 00:42

I can't remember who said the dog needs to run around but this is not a dog yet,it's a 6 month old lab.
They don't need to off lead in a park,their joints are still developing & can be irreversibly damaged by to much exercise.

Normal play & leash walks are more than enough at this age.

MyCatIsSparticus · 01/09/2016 00:52

Try for a moment to consider the comparable size of a dog (even a small one) to a toddler then imagine the fucker bounding up to you.

We don't have dogs so I I try and let the kids talk to nice dogs (whose owners have already been consulted).

But they've been scared shitless by random do ha bounding at them or climbing in them while an owner says 'oh they're just excited they love kids'

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/09/2016 00:54

Well Op we haven't had a dog-approaching-stranger thread for a few hours.

Luckily it doesn't cause lots of people to have strong opinions...

Oh wait....

QueenLizIII · 01/09/2016 00:54

Imagine a dog so big it can look an adult human in the eye. That is how it looks to a toddler. Utterly terrifying to imagine that running up to you at that size.

I live near a huge botanical garden, pay the annual fee. No dogs, no bikes, no scooters, no ball games, bliss.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/09/2016 01:00

I think the OP was well aware of the reaction to the thread.

NotMe321 · 01/09/2016 01:16

I'd rather you and your kids stay away from me and my dog.

Stalemate

Not really, Collaborate. Children trump dogs every time.

Willow2016 · 01/09/2016 01:22

Nomud
How do you do that?
There are plenty of places where dogs SHOULD be on a lead but they are not cos their owners think its fine for them to be bounding all over the play annoying other people.

Round here there isnt anywhere that we can go where there are not dogs out for walks, play. THere are NO designated 'dog parks' for 50 miles. Damm sure I am not "staying away" from the only kids park for 2 miles just in case somebody has their dog out for a walk. When did a dogs 'need' to have the park to itself or be allowed to annoy others take precedence over humans?

I love dogs, but I dont want someone elses dog running up to me and the kids and jumping all over us. Dog claws are thick and hard and bloody hurt when scraped down your leg! Not to mention the dirt!

It doesnt need to be a big dog to knock a toddler flying either. People should use some common sense and keep their untrained dog on a lead! Or put the effort in and train them to recall or stay away from other people. There really isnt any need for them to leave you and go pestering others.

Willow2016 · 01/09/2016 01:23

Damm it, place not play

WiddlinDiddlin · 01/09/2016 01:53

A dog without a reliable recall should be on a long line (fixed to a harness not a collar for safety!) until it DOES have a reliable recall.

A lab pup of that age is a big lolloping idiot with little sense of personal space or self control - you ARE being unreasonable letting your teenage daughter take him out without teaching her how to use a longline to let him have some fun, and without teaching her how to practice his recall.

What the other person did or did not do is really not relevant - it wouldn't have occurred if your dog had been under control and that is all there is to it.

Btw, as your daughter is only 14, any complaint about your dogs behaviour, YOU are legally responsible for and under the DDA a dog only has to give someone 'reasonable apprehension of injury' and NOT actually bite or injure someone to be considered dangerously out of control.
Realistically speaking, if the parent made a complaint that they feared their toddler would be knocked down and hurt, that complaint COULD be upheld and you could go to court, you could be court ordered to attend training classes, keep your dog on a lead or a variety of other measures, including (though not likely!) destruction of the dog.

Go to training classes - if you already did, find a better one, they should have taught you all this!

dybil · 01/09/2016 04:18

I used to work as a personal injury lawyer, and have seen too many instances of dogs, who have never previously shown signs of aggression, attacking children (sometimes leaving them with life changing injuries) to have much symptathy for people letting their dogs off the lead in parks.

Well done to the OP for listening to the feedback.

LellyMcKelly · 01/09/2016 04:22

YABU. I hate dog owners assuming that we're all ok to have their dogs sniffing round us. My 6yo was chased by a dog off a lead in a park and was terrified of them after that. I don't care if your dog is safe and friendly - I don't want a dog I don't know or trust anywhere near me or my kids.

M0nstersinthecl0set · 01/09/2016 04:40

Too many dog owners labour under the misapprehension that dogs are popular, sweet, docile etc. A quick look at overflowing rspca centres and problems with dog fighting etc tells you what is the fate for the majority of these misunderstood and untrained lot. People get dogs to protect and intimidate and are then shocked when someone doesn't want that clambering all over them. It's fairly disingenuous.
What's all this "use a dog free park". Why not exercise your unpredictable dogs (as even the experienced owners on here admit they can't be left with children) on your own private land?

madein1995 · 01/09/2016 05:04

Ok both were in the wrong a bit but for the mum to complain under DDA would be pathetic I think. Dog didn't growl or snarl, simply went near them. As for screaming that wasn't a good example to the child and I agree, some parents seem to make the kids worse. As for the child could annoy the dog, well then the parent would need to control the child. Just as it's OPs job to control dog, its mums job to stop little Johnny pulling years. if mum didn't and dog growled, itd be parents fault for not controlling the child and getting all precious over a growl caused by annoying the thing Is silly. Both were wrong to an extent, but I can't stop my dog walking near a human and aybe sniffing or wagging tail while on lead in case someone is a bit scared

ChipIn · 01/09/2016 05:54

There's 3 sides to every story but it doesn't seem like the toddler was scared if she walked over to the dog. Perhaps the mum was scared and projecting her unreasonable fear on the child. Dogs should always be able to be recalled when off lead but people perceive behaviour differently and don't always know how to react to dogs which is why the woman's shouting didn't help, so I'd say she shouldn't have done that.

As long as the dog was put on the lead quickly and didn't jump up or run towards them in the first place I think shouting at a young child is totally unreasonable.

QOD · 01/09/2016 06:28

Have you cancelled the cheque op?

Snigger

Read the thread folks, Op agrees she is BU and has left the thread run away screaming

BikeRunSki · 01/09/2016 06:46

I'm sort, but YABU.
As a toddler, my dd (4) is utterly terrified of dogs, very nervous around them and gets very upset if they come near her. It's not as if she hasn't been exposed to them, as DM has 2 labs! She is a lot better now (can be near an untethered dog without crying) but a year ago, the situation in the OP would have unsettled her badly did the rest of the day. I'm fairly ambivalent about dogs

Dog owners and lovers don't always realise how much other people dislike dogs (I include DM in this)

BikeRunSki · 01/09/2016 06:48

Sorry. Just RTFT and seen that op agrees that she was being U.

ligiligiligi · 01/09/2016 06:51

"he's very sweet and gentle"

is what I never ever want to hear from a dog owner whose dogs is bouncing in my r dc's personal space.

To you your dog may be sweet and gentle, I don't know you or your dog so how can I be sure?

Dog owners seeking to 'reassure' strangers i this way are unable to recall their pups have no self-awareness and behave utterly selfishly.

Your dd should not have the dog off lead if she is young for her age and unable to control the puppy.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 01/09/2016 06:56

I find your attitude very refreshing OP- makes a nice change on these types of thread! Glad you're having a good chat with your daughter and good luck with the puppy training

43percentburnt · 01/09/2016 06:58

I've always been a dog lover however I am currently on maternity leave and like to take dts and ds aged 2 for a walk most days. I'm really sick of a variety of dogs bounding up to DS, licking him, getting in his face, jumping up etc. Some are off the lead, others are on long retractable leads.Every owner says a similar thing 'he wouldn't hurt a fly' 'she loves little ones'. This is not just in parks, it's sometimes on a long path (no road nearby). They have no idea if DS is afraid of dogs (he isn't) but I don't particularly want him covered in dog slobber and fur or knocked over!

What they don't get is the dog is often chest or head height to my ds. I would hate to be approached by something that large. Also if the dog did turn nasty (I have 2 babies who may cry or shriek), my son may be erratic especially if the licking tickles, the dog is very close to ds and often a little/quite a way from its owner.

It's really annoying.

Munstermonchgirl · 01/09/2016 07:01

Your daughter was in the wrong but well done for taking the comments on board (most unusual for AIBU!)

ligiligiligi · 01/09/2016 07:02

"all such helpful feedback and has served its purpose - i have a fresh perspective and will move forward with dd to ensure nothing like this happens again. i am extremely grateful that no harm was done and i am glad to take this as an opportunity to refresh walking etiquette with her.' great attitude! Great role model for your dd.

Behindthedoor · 01/09/2016 07:12

I don't like dogs. I don't want them near me. Not scared of them, just dislike the stinking slobbering bastards. If one touched me in a public space I would be furious with some gurning twat saying oh he wont hurt you.

^^
This.

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