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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pardon?

520 replies

MothersGrim · 31/08/2016 19:04

AIBU to not bother with the word "Pardon" for my young children? It seems like a generational thing to me but my parents and in laws correct my young children when they ask "What?"

I was just curious what the expectation is nowadays, should I be teaching them 'pardon'? Is it bad manners not to Confused

OP posts:
WellErrr · 02/09/2016 19:42

Me too clam. I'd hate to undermine a teacher but I absolutely would if they told my child to say 'pardon' rather than 'what' Grin

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2016 19:42

Chldren are perfectly capable of understanding that different language is appropriate in different circumstances.

The only really rude thing anyone has said on here is the "paying school fees" comment. Rude and snobbish.

CatNip2 · 02/09/2016 19:43

Another one for sorry, ever since I got shouted at by a teacher for saying "what", to be fair it sounds rather rude.

voddiekeepsmesane · 02/09/2016 19:45

"What?" may be the more classy thing to say but I think it all depends on intonation...and in my experience most whats coming from 10-20 year olds seem to come with attitude even if not intentionally. Having been brought up in classless New Zealand "pardon" or "sorry" was ALWAYS preferred over a winey "whhhatttt" :)

GarlicMist · 02/09/2016 19:45

Suppose the less common you are the more rude you can get away with being.

Absolutely! Only it's called being bluff or straight, smart or abrupt. Not rude. I'm not even sure the upper class can be rude! Look at Prince Philip.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 02/09/2016 19:46

I don't care. Pardon or sorry is what I hear and say, or a "Mmmm?" with a rising inflection. I was always taught "What?" was rude.

I can't BEAR what my mother has taken to doing, a sort of aggressive, staccato sounding "UH?" It's bloody awful.

Metalguru · 02/09/2016 19:47

I like "say, what?" You need to think southern USA accent

GDarling · 02/09/2016 19:52

'Pardon' is short for, ' I beg yr pardon'
'Sorry' is short for, ' Sorry, I didn't catch/hear that?
'What' is short for, ' What did you say?
All very acceptable, IMB, whatever is comfortable, I say all 3!!

Serialweightwatcher · 02/09/2016 19:53

Never ever heard of 'pardon' being common - it's polite .......... 'what?' to me is completely rude

missyB1 · 02/09/2016 19:56

Can't believe some people are more interested in class than manners! I couldn't give two hoots how posh some folk might like to think themselves if you burped in front of me and didn't say pardon I would say it for you - loudly!

SarahAnderson · 02/09/2016 20:03

I've just read the entire long, repetitive thread and I'm amazed no one has mentioned 'Excuse me' as something you say after you burp. Isn't that the standard thing to say?

iwasyoungonce · 02/09/2016 20:07

My SIL tells my dc off for saying "what?"

She's never done it with me there, but they have told me when they got home. I told them she was being silly, and "what?" is perfectly polite.

Boils my piss, actually.

TransformersRobotsInDaSky · 02/09/2016 20:11

I shouldn't read threads like this, I get the rage from the horribly snobby attitudes. I do find that Mumsnet is very skewed towards the South East and the attitudes expressed are certainly not in line with my northern roots. Pardon is very acceptable around here and to be called 'horribly common' irks me more than it should.

clam · 02/09/2016 20:11

missy Well, I can quite confidently say that I wouldn't ever burp in front of you! That would be phenomenally rude. But not half so rude as you thinking it was acceptable to say "pardon" on my behalf. Who the hell do you think you are?

midcenturymodern · 02/09/2016 20:12

Can't believe some people are more interested in class than manners! I couldn't give two hoots how posh some folk might like to think themselves if you burped in front of me and didn't say pardon I would say it for you - loudly!

Are you trying to prove you have neither class nor manners?

Dawndonnaagain · 02/09/2016 20:14

Teacher here. Hate when children answer with what. It bugs me. It just seems rude.
I don't understand why you'd teach them the wrong thing.
Pardon is asking for forgiveness, they're not doing that. They're asking what you've said.

Beeziekn33ze · 02/09/2016 20:20

Try 'Sorry, I didn't hear you' then let it slide into 'Sorry?' after a while.

Serialweightwatcher · 02/09/2016 20:29

Pardon is asking for forgiveness, they're not doing that. They're asking what you've said

It is asking for forgiveness though and that's why people also say 'sorry' - meaning, I didn't quite catch that, therefore my fault, so forgive me. If I said 'what?' if I hadn't heard someone I'd always say 'what did you say please?', never just 'what?'

Wallywobbles · 02/09/2016 20:31

I'm posh and was brought up to say what. I normally only use it now in a kind of wtf kind of way. Otherwise I say sorry I didn't hear/understand or whatever.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 02/09/2016 20:37

I shouldn't read threads like this, I get the rage from the horribly snobby attitudes. I do find that Mumsnet is very skewed towards the South East and the attitudes expressed are certainly not in line with my northern roots. Pardon is very acceptable around here and to be called 'horribly common' irks me more than it should.

^
This

There really are some fucking awful snobs around.

witsender · 02/09/2016 20:47

Well, it isn't as much snobbishness as a difference in upbringing. Pardon would sound rude/vulgar to me, much as what would sound rude to others.

clam · 02/09/2016 20:50

And, once again, it's nothing to do with region.

dementedma · 02/09/2016 20:56

Working class here and taught to say "pardon" not "what".
I now have a terribly posh friend ( titled, landowner) and will listen out for what he says. He does say loo, and supper and gum boots! He also has the most extensive and beautiful formal vocabulary....I love getting emails from him!

nicebitofsodaandjam · 02/09/2016 20:58

I just read all the Mitford letters and the biography and somewhere in it Nancy SAYS that she made half the stuff up and had to go back and change bits in pigeon pie to reflect what she'd said in the non-U article. And in fact that they said mirror and mantel piece all the time. She thought it was hilarious how anxiously and seriously her piece had been taken up. Things change linguistically and socially - no one says Scotch for Scottish people any more, no one sits around in a townhouse in Mayfair having afternoon tea every day and casting side eyes at those who put the milk in first or say preserves. OR DO THEY...?!

I say that as someone from a different country who was plunged into quite posh circles here quite young and did learn to say sofa, napkin, loo... Increasingly I think it's all rubbish. It's like when I was casually lolling recently in a library reading tatler (I loathe it, but it was there) and there was an article rolling out the same old tripe that 'upper classes use blankets and sheets, NOT duvets' - I'm sure this was factually correct in 1976, but every posh/smart/whatever person I've ever met has had a nice duvet (and I mean like titled, own a village types) and if they came to stay and one was all 'DON'T WORRY IT'S a proper blanket etc' they would think you were crazy or very try hard. Just be yourselves, people!

Henry James said the basis of good manners was 'be kind, be kind, be kind' - presumably that precludes exchanging meaningful glances and sneering when a nice friend, guest or colleague says 'toilet'.

allthatnonsense · 02/09/2016 21:08

Margot? Is that you? Did Jerry refer to the loo as the toilet again?