Teenage shitty behaviour

[Skooblies1]

Hi all. Long post, sorry. I have one child. DD is 13 and is obsessed with social media and is constantly on her phone. She used to tell me everything and I knew that would eventually change. That happened a few months ago and has become friendly with other teenagers that don't seem to share the same ethos I am trying to instil in her. (These friends go out all hours, have boyfriends etc). She has lied to me on a number of occasions and has been punished accordingly (generally taking away her phone and iPad does the trick)

Anyway my post is more around her casual selfishness and taking everything for granted. We have just come back from a fantastic holiday and I had to tread on eggshells the whole time to make sure she was in the right mood. God forbid we went anywhere that didn't have wifi etc.

I was hoping this holiday would help us to engage as a family again but no. She is back in her room all the time and struggles to make the effort to come and eat her dinner and then goes back upstairs for the rest of the evening to chat with friends.

I know she is a teenager but AIBU to want a little more? I have ignored her tonight and want to actually show her how hurtful and selfish she is being. I want to give her a bit of a taste of her own medicine but not sure I have it in me.

As context, there is me, dh (who feels the same) and her. We have had many many conversations with her and the theme she picks up is that we are 'constantly having a go at her'

Thanks guys. Dh and I just had a really frank discussion with her and noted our concerns. Explained that I will be trying to moderate my take on situations (not taking personally, being more transparent and not being passive aggressive). We had a good discussion about courtesy and manners, taking us for granted etc. I explained my anxiety about her new friends that I don't know. I told her that if I knew them I would understand her mindset also and it would allay the issues we have with them. She has reluctantly agreed to bring them round "but it will be so awkward with you both". Ahem yes I said she will always feel that with her parents in those situations! I have also told her that on school nights she hands in her electronics at 8pm and gets them back at 8am. Cue hysterical laughing with nerves and "nooooo". Has realised it is non negotiable and is taking in good spirit. However, we shall see when we implement this rule on Sunday.

I always put my washing out over night especially in this weather!

Is it a common pattern that these stroppy, sulky, monosyllabic teenagers are sweetness and light with uncles and aunts and other adults? DS tended a bit that way, although he was never as much trouble as some of the boys I read about on this and other threads, and my own niece and DW's four nieces and one nephew never gave us or their other uncles and aunts anything but charm.

I think they do it because it is a way of pissing off parents that parents cannot complain about!