To not want Stepdad to give me away

[MrsRaymondReddington]

I'm getting married next year and my Mum wants my Stepdad to give me away. I don't.

My parents split up when I was 11 and my Mum has been with Stepdad since I was 14. My Dad passed away when I was 18 and I still struggle with the grief of losing him. He was such a wonderful man and I absolutely adored him.

Stepdad has Dementia, diagnosed approx 18 months ago. He has noticeably deteriorated in the past year....he repeats the same stories, cannot drive anymore, cannot keep up with conversations and relies on my Mum for absolutely everything. I feel so sorry for Mum and how difficult her life is now. I have never been close to stepdad and I wouldn't want him to give me away with or without the dementia.

There are no other family members who I am close to that I would want to give me away. My Mum will be upset if I don't let him do it. AIBU to not want him to do it? Do I just agree to it, providing he is well enough?

A bride I knew had a photo of her late dad put in a teeny frame and then it was attached to the stem of her bouquet so he could 'walk' her down the aisle.

medownsouth I was going to say something similar. My mother is only 63 and is now in the latter stages of early onset Alzheimer's. My brother married a year ago and she managed fairly well with it (although she got smashed pretty quickly...) but just two weeks ago she had no idea who I was and viciously assaulted me and tried to go for my two boys aged 6 and 6 months. Truly terrifying and something I am struggling to process. The decline between the two dates, just 14 months apart, is staggering. I appreciate that each person's prognosis is uniquely personal and idiosyncratic but it is such an unpredictable condition. Probably not helpful but it may very well be the case that this issue becomes moot over time. Hope you have a lovely day when it arrives.

It's not something I've come across before, but the idea of walking down the aisle with your partner sounds absolutely lovely. After all, you're no one's property, but you are committing to a life together.

My husband died 4 years ago. My daughter has already said she wants her younger brother do walk her down the aisle. (Not that she even has a boyfriend yet. )

I have been married in church twice

The first time my Dad gave me away but the second time (I was divorced) I thought it would be "Who gives this woman? What you again? Somebody PLEASE take her!"

Dad was going to be at wedding BTW but he understood/ was easy going.

So DH and I walked down the aisle together. It was absolutely lovely. It is still my best memory: just me and him outside the church in the sunshine, waiting to go in, smiling at each other.

My Mother's husband 'gave me away'.
He is a nice guy but I was 33 and felt ridiculous being 'given away'.

I wished I'd just walked down by myself. I REALLY wanted to but caved to her pressure of 'what would people think'?

I also thought he might feel 'rejected' so I caved for that reason too.

I wish I hadn't caved though.

I hope you find a way you are happy with.x

It's the 21st century, why do you need to be 'given away' like some chattel?

My previous boss walked me down the aisle and his son was my page boy. Not as weird as it may sound as I'd been his nanny and had no parents who gave a toss. The parents and son sat at the top table with me and were wonderful to me on the day. The mum did my make up. I didn't hear any comments but then my DH family are lovely though I wonder if his dad was upset not to be asked

Just wanted to add in that I too walked with my groom (hated the 'giving away' nonsense, I'm an adult), and have a great relationship with my beloved dad, so really you don't 'have' to do anything. Work out what will mean most to you and your partner.