I know IABU as I am the 'noisy' neighbour, but WWYD?

[Yambabe]

We live in a smallish semi, quiet area. We ride motorbikes, and DH sometimes tinkers with them. We listen to rock music, not usually at ear-splitting volume but DH will often have mates round in the garden on a Friday/Saturday so there is music and chat. We try to be considerate re times etc and we do get on with all the neighbours - in fact quite often some of them will be in the garden with us of a weekend!

So that's the background about us. We will always apologise if our noise is bothering someone, and tone it down if we can, I don't think we are the neighbours from hell but you might not want to live next door if you don't want any noise at all.

My AIBU/WWYD - we have had new next-doors within the last year. They are a younger couple, no kids, couple of dogs, we get on in a "hello over the fence" way but don't know them well, have taken parcels in (as they have for us) etc. It's been fine. They've had some work done on the house, there's been some noise but nothing we can't live with considering how we are ourselves. I am self-employed and work from home, and for the last few weeks Mr next-door has also been at home during the day. He possibly works in education? Anyway he's been putting his music on during the day. It's not loud, I can't really make it out, BUT it has a low throbbing bass that is making my whole house vibrate! To the extent that I'm finding it really hard to concentrate on work, it just kind of fills my head and makes my teeth itch!

I'm hoping that it's just a temporary thing while he's at home during the day, but if not WIBU unreasonable to mention it to him and try to explain that it's not the volume of his music it's the bloody bass that's doing my head in?

Or considering the noise that we make ourselves do I just grit my teeth and live with it?

I'd go round, not to complain exactly but just asking about the bass, as long as you make it dead clear that it's not the music but the vibrations and to ask if it's where it's placed that's doing it.

As long as you do it in a nice enough way you should be fine.

Unless he is doing it on purpose in some sort of weird passive aggressive way, but then TBH you're better actually having a conversation with him anyway because otherwise he'll be sat there seething playing bass at you till he snaps.

I meet my friends for a drink at the weekend, and guess what - not one of my neighbours knows about it! We're adult enough to know that pubs and nightclubs are for loud music and chose not to inflict it on our neighbours.

I would go round and say roughly what you've said here. That you know you are noisy and is it bothering them? What could you compromise on etc? I'd also ask if his speakers are against the adjoining wall as the vibrations come through the house. Basically have a conversation with them and hope they have the balls to be honest with you.

Yambabe

I wouldn't hang your head in shame at all.

You seem on good terms with your neighbours & it seems they're often in your garden too!?

Not everyone is bothered by music etc and it sounds like your neighbours would have said something uf they were.

I doubt your new neighbour is 'making a point'. It's FAR more likely he's just playing his music & doesn't even realise it's vibrating in your house.

Just go and ask him if he'd mind turning the base down & saying you hope he feels he can tell you if anything ever bothers him.

why not rotate so you go round to your friends houses and so the get together is only once a month or two?
(bet they wont want to cos they think about their neighbours)

You think you're 'quite noisy' but your thinking doesn't extend into any kind of consideration for your neighbours where you then make an effort to stop being 'quite noisy'?

And now you want to complain to your neighbour about his music, that you can't really hear, that he's playing inside his own home during the day, as opposed to in his garden with friends at night?

Haha ok then.

This must be a reverse as your lack of insight is quite astonishing.

Erm when did I say I don't consider my neighbours?

You are all assuming we have immense all-night outdoor raves every weekend, and sit on the patio revving the bike engines just to piss people off!

No. DH and his mates (including several neighbours) sit out in the garden to drink beer and chat, with music on in the background. Occasionally. We go away a lot, there's often very little noise from us at all as we're not here! But I am aware that when we are the things we like to do might impinge on others so we try to moderate them and as far as I know we have no problems with our neighbours.

I'm not complaining about next door's music. He could have his music on all day for me, doesn't bother me. I didn't complain when he was doing stuff to his house when he first moved in, at all hours, cos that's life you know? I don't care that his dog sometimes sings when he's out at work. I just wonder if I should say something about the bloody vibrations that are stopping me from working!

Thing is Yambabe you don't know whether to say something about something that is bothering you so how do you know your neighbours don't feel the same?

If you feel that you can justifiably say something to him, say it. Obviously you feel a bit on thin ice otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned the noise you make. So don't say something and seethe a bit. Just as your neighbours might be. You just don't know. Does your level of noise now seem fair? You're not 100% certain are you? If you were you'd have been straight round there asking him to sort it out. But you're on here instead as you're not sure. You have a sneaking suspicion your noise might not have been so harmless. You'll probably never know.

I have a self-absorbed neighbour. He's not bad, just a bit selfish. He pissed me off so much one summer though with all his windows open and music on loud to the extent I couldn't sit in my garden unless I was happy listening to his music and couldn't sit inside unless my windows were shut that one day I called out the bathroom window "couldn't you turn that down please!". Really quite sharp as I was pissed off by this extent. Luckily as said he's not that bad, just a bit selfish and he turned it down and has been a bit better since. He still think nothing of sitting talking loudly at 1am under my DC'd bedroom window. My DC unknown to me actually went round there at 1am and asked him to be quiet. Again he did and since he hasn't been so bad.

I also agree your neighbour is doing this on purpose as last summer my DC played the sax and clarinet out the window every time our neighbour had his music on that bit too loud with his windows open. Worked a treat

Look, you don't put music on outdoors. At all. It's incredibly antisocial and annoying
It carries, it stops anyone in a wide radius having any quiet enjoyment of their garden in a way that even quite a loud group chattering doesn't. Stop putting music on outside. That alone would drive me nuts - regardless of how loud it is. I can zone out a dozen people chatting, just (although it's not ideal) but not music.

You say you've got bikes. If you have earsplittingly loud exhausts, or even the type that are just loud, that's annoying too. Tinkering? You mean there's bike bits all over the drive? Also annoying.

Living next door to noise that seeps in is so so stressful. I'm sorry op but I wouldn't want to live next to you. I imagine your neighbours find you intimidating

Stop playing any music any time at all that can be heard outside your house. That means through the walls and in the garden. Keep outdoor noise to a minimum - no music EVER. All loud chatting done by mid evening. No bikes revved, ever. No loud exhausts. No bike workshop in the drive.

Good neighbours don't let their noise or lives spill out onto their neighbours property and lives. We live in Sweden and any one of the items you've listed would have you shunned here.

Removes harsh hat, pats op in conciliatory manner because that was harsh...

Your about as considerate to your neighbours as my period is to my sex life.

Bikers siting with music on in the garden at the weekend? And you reckon your ndn can come and say if he wants to complain? You're my worst kind of neighbour, why the hell should I have to listen to your type of music and crowds of people in the garden at weekends? Why do you have to have music on? I had to sell up and leave my first home due to neighbour's music. EHO came round and spoke to him eventually. The other ndn moved too, made our life hell, I tried to stay out of my own home as much as possible.

mrsgrinch 😂😂 I can't wait till I can use that in rl 😂😂

Good idea to invite them round for a drink & chat to them about it. I do wonder whether the fact that you are noisy validates him in thinking he can also be noisy, not in retaliation, just in a sort of "so that's how we do it here" way.

Music in the garden is awful.

4/4 to the floor bass vibrating through the house is awful.

you need to work it out between you.

People playing music outside in the garden is really antisocial, and that's before the bikes.

Also the way you say 'we tone it down if we can' speaks volumes about your attitude. 'CAN"??? Surely turning the music off is physically possible?

You are reaping what you've sown! I dread someone like you moving into our street.

You actually sound lovely, I would have no problem with you as neighbours, but then I play 5+ instruments including brass :) sound is difficult, we have recently had a change of neighbours here and now have a noisy young child, and someone who likes to have friends / BBQs and occasional music, it is all part of the variety of life... I think you can speak to them about the vibration, if they are playing it softly then they may not realise that the vibration is happening you will of course have to be prepared for some compromise if your music is annoying them but always better to be open about it

75% sure we're your neighbours. Have you complained about their dogs barking before? Do you have an apple tree that drops delicious presents in their yard?

If so, you'll be glad to know I already had a talk with DH (who, yes, works in education) today about turning his bass the fuck down because it drives me up the wall and after seven years I just CANNOT.

Also, if you are our neighbours, we really don't mind the weekend parties. Kinda festive. You should invite us over more.

Haha Coffee sadly I am not your neighbour, I have never complained about any barking dogs and I don't have an apple tree You're welcome to a drink in our garden any time though!

Wow, some projection going on here, my drive is not littered with bike parts and we don't regularly have a garden full of bikers, we don't have noisy exhausts we just commute to work and go out to play on our bikes sometimes! Oh and when 3-doors-down had a very new baby a few years back DH used to wheel his bike to the end of the street before starting it, without being asked, just in case and switch it off and roll back in when he came home.

Had a word last night as I had taken in another package for him. I feel a little vindicated now as despite my guilt at being possibly-the-neighbour-from-hell he actually said he didn't realise about the bass and had kept the volume of his music right down as we are normally pretty quiet and he didn't want to disturb us! We are going to theirs for a drink and a BBQ (and yes, some music!) on Saturday and he is turning the volume up but the bass down while he's working from home.........

I assume this guy has a neighbour the other side of him? And you've already decided you're going round to his on sat night and will be playing music at a BBQ?

You really aren't getting it are you.

Have a bit of consideration for the people along your road who perhaps just want to enjoy some peace and quiet and not live in their neighbours' pockets with chummy beers and BBQ all the time.

Glad you know my neighbours of (mostly) 20+ years better than I do and are able to express what they want and put me in my place. Most of them will also be next door on Sat.

Think you're rewriting the script here
It was you who mentioned in your OP the motorbikes (why are they relevant unless you're admitting you make nuisance noise) and also playing rock music outdoors and not being the sort of neighbours people would necessarily want.

Tbh you've come across as a mix of inconsiderate yet weirdly controlling... Acknowledging that you are noisy but then complaining about your neighbours bass.

And now the whole street is going to be barbecuing and playing music together on sat night...

I didn't want to dripfeed! We are not a quiet household. Nor are we the neighbours from hell, we're really not.

Not the whole street on Sat. About 5 households out of the 14..... so maybe not most if I'm being accurate.

As a neighbourhood we do get on though. Apart from the odd parking spat, and now that most of the teenagers have grown up and left home!

I thinj he's doing it in a very passive aggressive gyob way.

You sound like nightmare neighbours