I know IABU as I am the 'noisy' neighbour, but WWYD?

[Yambabe]

We live in a smallish semi, quiet area. We ride motorbikes, and DH sometimes tinkers with them. We listen to rock music, not usually at ear-splitting volume but DH will often have mates round in the garden on a Friday/Saturday so there is music and chat. We try to be considerate re times etc and we do get on with all the neighbours - in fact quite often some of them will be in the garden with us of a weekend!

So that's the background about us. We will always apologise if our noise is bothering someone, and tone it down if we can, I don't think we are the neighbours from hell but you might not want to live next door if you don't want any noise at all.

My AIBU/WWYD - we have had new next-doors within the last year. They are a younger couple, no kids, couple of dogs, we get on in a "hello over the fence" way but don't know them well, have taken parcels in (as they have for us) etc. It's been fine. They've had some work done on the house, there's been some noise but nothing we can't live with considering how we are ourselves. I am self-employed and work from home, and for the last few weeks Mr next-door has also been at home during the day. He possibly works in education? Anyway he's been putting his music on during the day. It's not loud, I can't really make it out, BUT it has a low throbbing bass that is making my whole house vibrate! To the extent that I'm finding it really hard to concentrate on work, it just kind of fills my head and makes my teeth itch!

I'm hoping that it's just a temporary thing while he's at home during the day, but if not WIBU unreasonable to mention it to him and try to explain that it's not the volume of his music it's the bloody bass that's doing my head in?

Or considering the noise that we make ourselves do I just grit my teeth and live with it?

You said in your Op "We will always apologise if our noise is bothering someone, and tone it down if we can"

If no-one's ever complained how/why have you always apologised?

Perhaps I didn't make it clear enough. I think we are quite noisy but none of our neighbours have ever complained about our noise in the 20 years we have lived here.

They shouldn't have too. As soon as you have to complain to your neighbours about something, the relationship is ruined. Most people are much too British and stiff-upper-lipped to complain until it's driven them absolutely round the bend.

It works much better if everyone vets themselves and behaves reasonably, and nobody is given cause to complain.

You say yourselves that you are the noisy neighbour and you seem to have a lot of really antisocial habits. I suspect if you complain to your neighbour, he'll probably turn the bass down - which is probably a small rebellion against you - but they'll also start making it very clear when your behaviour is unacceptable, which it sounds like could be quite frequent? Motorbikes (much as I love them!) and rock music (which I also like!) sound like the worst noises you could frequently inflict on other people.

You did say you're the kind of people folks who enjoy peace and quiet wouldn't want to live next to...so you've got to suck it up as karma really... And I have to say, but playing rock music regularly in your garden is probably pissing off a lot of your neighbours even if they haven't told you

I know hundreds of people will come and say they do complain now but they are the exception, by far.

And apologising for being loud means nothing unless it never happens again. It's just lip service. I'm not clear if you have apologised previously when people have complained or if nobody has complained, though.

Just because people don't complain doesn't mean they are not annoyed about the noise you make. Not everyone is confident enough. They might worry about falling out with close neighbours. I think making he type of noise that you do occasionally is fine burin would be very stressed if this was a regular thing with my neighbours at weekends. It's quite selfish.

You'd sound very unreasonable asking him to keep it down given that you make quite a bit of noise yourself. Maybe you could agree you'll both keep the noise down?

So you know you are a pita to live near but you carry on regardless. Maybe your neighbour is trying to drive you away, I would.

Rock music and chat in the garden every Friday and Saturday. Fucking hell. It must be like living next door to a club.

People don't tend to complain. The reason for this is generally that they would be very wary of someone lacking in social awareness to the degree of constantly producing antisocial noise. Basically, if it were me I'd assume that if I complained you'd be aggressive and horrible about it.

Playing music outside is hideous, especially regularly. Either sit outside and enjoy your garden in a respectful way or take your mates to a pub.

ex EHO here. what you are doing with the bikes and the outside music could be a statutory noise nuisance. what this sounds like in my experience is a neighbour who has had enough of you and is trying as a last resort to give you a taste of your own medicine. he is trying to make you come round and speak to him so that he can tell you how YOUR noise is affecting him. people are way too polite. they tolerate until they go round the bend with it and then retaliation is the first thing followed by a formal complaint.

stat noise nuisances are not ear splitting volumes. if he can clearly hear the words of the songs that you are playing inside his house then this is a stat nuisance. try it yourself. set the volume to where it normally is and if you can here it inside then you are causing a statutory noise nuisance.

I think you are being thoughtless and could end up with a Noise abatement notice. and should this bother you? well yes it should. if you own your own house when you come to sell it you will have to declare this and it could affect your sale. you can also be fined.

My neighbours are noisy in the summer, drinking outside til 1am and smoking, which means we can't have bedroom windows open.

I have never complained. Doesn't mean I'm not pissed off though

Another one who thinks they're doing it on purpose.

I think it's really sad that you know how you impact on your neighbours but you think it's okay because they haven't complained. You must know how hard many people find confrontation of any kind? And yeah you can say that's their problem then but... it isn't.

I know IABU as I am the "noisy"neighbour, but WWYD?

Sorry didn't answer the last bit. WWID? grow up and start being an adult with a bit of consideration for my neighbours.

I'm wondering if this is a reverse? It seems shockingly self-unaware.

yep Richard so did I. Op has been back so perhaps it is.

Yabvu

I'd hate to live next door to you but wouldn't have the nerve to complain to anyone so would just quietly seethe

Bout time you got a taste of your own medicine after 20years!

Nope, not a reverse.

I am hanging my head in shame. Perhaps I will go round and ask if we are bothering him......

Maybe he has the stereo/speakers on a very reverberative surface that is against a wall, and that is what is transmitting the bass thrum through your house - all he'd need to do would be to put it on a damping surface, like q cork mat.

If you go round for a chat, you could mention it.

I wouldn't just stop with him - you should be going round all the neighbours letting them know that you now realise how antisocial your noise has been and that from now on they won't be hearing a peep from your property. And mean it!

But then they wouldn't have anywhere to meet for a beer on a weekend night! (not every weekend btw, we're truly not that bad honest)

Good on him! Sounds like hes showing you how awful it is to live next to selfish, antisocial twats! Its hell living next to someone who has no consideration for how their noise impacts on others, it makes you anxious and ill. People don't complain as its hard to. Im sure your neighbours are sick of your music and bikes, i would be. How inconsiderate. I hope you sort yourselves out now you know how it feels.

They can go to a pub or stay in your house like normal adults.

Strikes me that there's a gap in the market for some kind of non-residential
communal space where people can buy beer, meet friends, talk, listen to music. Perhaps these places could be licensed in some way?

Inertia

My former housemate at uni used to keep everyone up playing loud music into the small hours.

We used to play loud music at 7am

But it's the constant droning thumping that's getting on the OPs nerves, she can't hear his music. We were at event some way from Creamfields over the weekend, couldn't hear the music, but could feel the bass, it was dreadful, goodness knows what it was like near to the event. It's like a car with the bass beat really loud - all you can hear is the thump, thump and feel the vibrations when they're next to you at the traffic lights.

I think you are assuming that because none has complained, your noise does not disturb them. But neighbours put up with noise that they find annoying all the time because that´s what it is like living around other people. Your noise is undoubtably disturbing them. Doesn´t mean they want you to stop or that you should change your habits, but it is a bit rich for you to be complaining about hearing them...