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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to a wedding at 36 weeks pregnant?

79 replies

Rattusn · 29/08/2016 08:03

I'm Invited to a wedding at around 36 weeks pregnant.

The main issue is that it is abroad, and if I were to go into labour, then it would obviously complicate matters somewhat.

I could take a ferry and drive, which I assume would be allowed, but I'm not particularly comfortable with that.

It is a reasonably close friend, who I think may get annoyed. WIBU to turn down the invite? If it was a UK wedding I would go, but I don't feel like going abroad in late pregnancy is a good idea. (Dh would not have be coming)

OP posts:
onecurrantbun1 · 29/08/2016 08:28

Absolutely do not go. A UK wedding is one thing but I doubt you'd be able to get travel insurance to go overseas.

Lweji · 29/08/2016 08:28

If she's a friend she'll understand.

I didn't go to a Christening alone at 39 weeks, and it was less than an hour's drive.

NicknameUsed · 29/08/2016 08:29

Just tell her that ferries and airlines won't accept you as a passenger and you can't get travel insurance.

Does she have no idea about the travel restrictions surrounding late pregnancy?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 29/08/2016 08:31

I wouldn't go.

Stellabystarlight · 29/08/2016 08:31

The short ferry crossings ie dover/Calais will allow you to travel with a doctors cert, but re-reading the OP I think you would be driving yourself. I'm assuming this is your first pregnancy and you've not driven at 36 weeks before. It's fine for short distances but you will really not want to do it for long periods. And what if you go into labour?! Or what if you doctor doesn't issue the fitness to travel cert because you actually might not be (hopefully not but entirely possible). Or baby might already be here. You can't plan this trip unless its 100% cancellable.

Ditsy4 · 29/08/2016 08:31

I went at 37 weeks and due to circumstances ended up going early with the best man, the bridesmaids dresses and the wedding cake which I made. Some idiot drove into my car on the way and the best man jumped out and went ballistic. The driver didn't understand why until I got out. I was worried about the cake but it was fine thank goodness. So off we went to find a tiny church in the Scottish Glen. Thoroughly enjoyed myself. Everyone ran around after me.
However there is no way I would entertain going abroad that late on. Write a lovely letter saying how you will be so sorry to miss it but you feel it too risky and would hate to upstage her/him by going into labour on their special day. I'm sure they will understand. Why don't you get a lovely gift and suggest a meet up after baby arrives if they live here.

cece · 29/08/2016 08:32

If it was France and I was allowed to go on the ferry then I would consider it but I know that I go to 42 weeks with my babies. My view would be they have hospitals abroad.

However if you feel uncomfortable then don't go.

Inertia · 29/08/2016 08:33

Absolutely don't go.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/08/2016 08:33

Fine to go to go to a wedding at 36w if local and you feel up to it

No way would I be travelling abroad at 36w and as others said unlikely to be allowed /or get medical insurance

ptumbi · 29/08/2016 08:33

OP _ there is a reason why you are not advised to travel so late on in pregnancy!

Are you really considering endangering your health, and your child's health, because your friend might get 'annoyed' otherwise?

Fuck that.

RaeSkywalker · 29/08/2016 08:34

YANBU. We're actually going to a wedding when I'll be 36 weeks, but it's an hour from home. No way would I travel abroad (unless it was for compassionate reasons) at that stage of pregnancy.

I'd just explain to your friend that travel isn't recommended and that getting insurance is nigh on impossible.

MammyToBe1216 · 29/08/2016 08:34

I got married last year and if you were my friend I would absolutely understand your not attending the wedding. I think you shouldn't go and your friend is more than likely to understand.

EnquiringMingeWantsToKnow · 29/08/2016 08:35

The ferries have crises and huge delays all the time. You could quite easily be stuck in a motorway jam for several hours.

TheWitTank · 29/08/2016 08:36

No way. I would say to the friend that I was not allowed to travel on doctors advice and leave it at that. If she gets annoyed she is a twat.

Stellabystarlight · 29/08/2016 08:36

Oh and 'reasonably close friend'? Absolutely not. I'd only even consider this for my best friend or sister. And even then absolutely not travelling alone or without all eventualities prepared for and insured to the hilt.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 29/08/2016 08:38

Abroad? No way. And if I'm reading your OP right, your DH isn't going whatever you decide? Double no.

Too close to full term for comfort for me (although the furthest along I got with 2 babies was 37 weeks, which may be colouring my views on that).

Phalenopsisgirl · 29/08/2016 08:41

I would use the travel insurance excuse.

trafalgargal · 29/08/2016 08:41

If she's a friend she'll understand (or may already be assuming you'll decline anyway and just sent the invite out of politeness)

Most people having weddings abroad know (or soon learn) it won't be do able for lots of invitees for a variety of reasons (and some positively rely on it 😀)

coconutpie · 29/08/2016 08:41

36 weeks? Abroad?! WTAF. No! You wouldn't even been allowed travel anyway by the airline. Your friend sounds like a selfish, entitled twat.

HyacinthFuckit · 29/08/2016 08:43

No, leave it. Say your midwife has advised against going, if it comes up. She probably will if you ask, to say nothing of whether the ferry company would take you.

Stellabystarlight · 29/08/2016 08:43

My view would be they have hospitals abroad.

With adequate insurance I wouldn't be worried about the safety of giving birth abroad. Arguably it would likely be better than the NHS experience. But the OP would be without her partner and may or may not speak the language.

And then you would have the additional fun of trying to get the baby an emergency passport to come home.

milkysmum · 29/08/2016 08:44

I wouldn't go- no way!

LocatingLocatingLocating · 29/08/2016 08:44

I went to a wedding about 250 miles away when 38w pg. It was hell.
But ABROAD! Not a fecking chance !

HyacinthFuckit · 29/08/2016 08:46

Oh fuck yes, the language. OP doesn't say where she is, but assuming she's in the UK the country is probably Ireland or France. Ireland obviously is ok but I'd want to speak pretty good French before I'd risk giving birth there without a partner or family member for support!

LunaLoveg00d · 29/08/2016 08:46

I attended a close relative's wedding three days before my due date but that meant travelling from England to Scotland, not to a different country. I just took a hospital bag and my notes with me, I had had a very straightforward pregnancy and apart from being knackered, I was fine. (And besides, the baby was very overdue in the end).

I would only consider it in this case if the wedding is in the Republic of Ireland as there is reciprocal healthcare - but you'd still have passport issues and no end of hassle. If it's elsewhere in Europe, no chance.

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