to ask if you have and why you have let go of some long friendships?

[CoolToned]

Friendships that lasted for years.

A friend seems to downplay my achievements. Like I landed a very competitive internship, and he's quick to point out it's only an internship.

He's fun to be around, but sometimes I feel like he's in a competition with me.

My BF from university married a family member (mine, not hers, that would be very wrong) and, despite our many promises about how this wouldn't change our friendship, it has. She went from being a brilliant friend to going through the motions almost overnight and I cried so many tears over it but have had to accept that things have changed.

The problem is now that we can't just drift apart as we are now 'family' and duty bound to keep in touch - even if that means not even writing her own name in Christmas cards and sending my kids a tenner in an envelope for birthdays FFS. As you can tell, I'm really over this...!

She said I was lying about being raped. Sad cow.

Wow tunafish - that is so, so hurtful. You've definit key done the right thing cutting her out.

1. Inability to accept my DCs diagnosed (by multiple, qualified medical professionals) special needs, coupled with many offers to 'leave them with me for the weekend, I'll sort them out' and every visit seemingly about proving that she can get them to do/eat/say/behave as I "can't"

1. Not sure. I dated a friend of her DH's briefly who was a complete twat. I'm not sure what went wrong with us but she refused to be my DC's godmother and things really haven't been the same since.

I've been dropped; it is entirely my fault she got fed up with me andgave e up as a bad job. There are a wealth of reasons excuses I can make for myself, but nothing will disguise the fact that I became a bad friend, who let her down in her hour of need.

I want to write to her to beg her forgiveness and tell her how sorry I am and how badly I miss her, how I hope she is happy and well, but I am scared that I will just end up droning on and making excuses and thus proving how selfish I am.

I do have a question if someone wouldn't mind answering it, would you want to know why someone let you down?

Yes I think so. We have known each other for over 30 years, but I'd say the last 10+ it's always me who emails and suggests we meet up (or just emails and she then replies).

It has been several months since we last spoke and I just have the impression I don't fit into her life any more. I have promised myself I will not chase any more so if she wants to let the friendship go that's it this time.

I've stepped back from a long term friendship because I realised I was the one doing all the work.
She'd text to ask me to pick up my birthday gift - even though she drove past my house at least twice a week. I realised that in the six years since I moved house she has only come here once - the expectation is that I will always make the effort and go to her house.
When her children were young I would because I understood it was difficult for her to get them all ready and my house wasn't especially child friendly - however even though they have all left home she still seems to see it as my responsibility to go to her house. It's as if our relationship rules were stuck in a rut from 25 years ago.
I should add, I tried to change things. Invited her here, suggested we meet for coffee/lunch but she wasn't interested so I withdrew.

Friend of 20 years who clearly thought she was doing me a favour by keeping in touch. Every time I saw her I felt depressed cos she bragged endlessly.

Other friend who lives 40 minutes away, could only find time to meet up on one particular day that wasn't convenient for me. After I hadn't seen her for about a year. Sometimes you just realise people have other priorities.

She had always been flaky, a bit unreliable, always late. It got worse and worse, but the final straw was when I'd get up to texts sent at 3am cancelling that day's lunch plans because she'd pulled. It happened once too often, and when I told her how upset it made me she said I didn't want her to be happy (?) - I kind of phased her out after that.

Her life was just constantly full of drama of her own making and mine can be at times too, but im trying to change that and removing negative people is/was the first step. The friendship seemed to just thriving on mosning which did neither of us any good. I have a little FB stalk every now and then and she seems to be doing really well now which im pleased about.

Yes, an old school friend, because we have absolutely nothing in common anymore. I remember thinking "if I met her now I wouldn't like her". She's not a bad person, we just don't gel like we did in school, and she very much lives in the past, hasn't really grown up IYSWIM. For example she comments on my FB a lot with random things - eg i was once checked in at a concert and school friend commented "Not still stalking East 17 then? I remember when you were OBSESSED with them hahaha" or she'll comment on a photo of me and DH and put "He really does look like Andy Adams who you used to fancy the pants off in school I remember you writing 'Mrs Adams' in all your school books lololol"

It's not crime of the century just annoying and it's always on other people's statuses.

Also she invited me to a gender reveal party which I judged her for tremendously

I turned 30 this year and seem to be shedding life long friendships. Some are really heart breaking and others I've been ready to for so long.

I think, ultimately, for most of them we've outgrown each other. My very best friend and I just don't seem to have much in common anymore.

The PP who said it's hard to untangle though, because we're 'family', is so right. Nothing will ever happen bad enough for us to fall out, but I sometimes wish it would

I have BPD and I've moved around a lot. Self esteem issues made me feel nobody would miss me anyway, so I've dropped a lot of friendships over the years for lack of confidence.

Only the odd one I've taken clear steps to end, and that was when one friend asked me to commit fraud on her behalf, and then got caught out in a blatant lie. I wouldn't commit fraud, and I couldn't handle her lying to me, as it made a mockery of all that we had been through as friends together.

Daughter of my mums BF during our childhood, we grew up together. I lost respect for her when, she married a man that didn't like her DD (10 at the time). She divorced a couple of years later. She then remarried but left DD (12-18) home alone with a housekeeper for fortnights at a time as she pursued a £120k+ career. She'd had a very well paid local job prior to that. Ironically Shen had a nervous breakdown from stresses from job paying more than the Prime Minister and was n sick leave for months.

I know it sounds awful but I think her decisions have been entirely motivated by sex or her own glory. Her DD's needs have taken 2nd or 3rd place.

1. Years ago, we were teenagers, she was 4 years older than me and I was a bit in awe of her. We knew each other through am dram, and she was very larger than life, everything was a bit near the edged - eg, she fancied my dad, but would make very suggestive comments to him in front of my mum. She disappeared for a while, she fell out with her parents and ran off with a much older man, then reappeared, split up with husband and kept coming down to stay and putting me down constantly whilst appearing to be being kind and supportive. Last straw was when she turned up unannounced, went to the pub with me, we got chatted up, I went to the loo and came back to find her sitting on the knee of the guy who had been chatting me up with her hand down his pants. Classy. She then had the cheek to tell me she knew he was a shit and had done it for my own good. Then asked to stay at my flat whilst I was away on holiday. Cut all ties after that.

2. was sad. V good friends through work and got even closer when we stopped working together. Both went through shitty relationships and supported each other. Then I met OH and got married. She had a panic attack at my wedding. Then I got pregnant and she didn't cope well. She was single and nearly 40. She went through the adoption procedure as a single parent and was so close to being matched but every time they went for a couple. It just became too hard for her to keep in touch as I had 3 kids in quick succession. We try every now and then, still care about each other, but I think it's still too painful for her. I miss her.

3. was weird. Really close at uni, helped her through a shit time when she had to have a TOP. Became almost like sisters. Then we both met partners. I got engaged and it was suddenly a competition. I got pregnant and she was v weird about it. Barely acknowledged kids, then when I'd just had my second, she asked me to pop into London to see her. I was in throes on new baby knackered ness and was shirty and refused to go. Didn't hear from her for 6 months when she rang me and said she'd had a baby the day before. That seemed to make it alright in her eyes (there were no fertility issues btw) but I'd lost my trust and we never got our friendship back.

A bit ashamed here but I'm currently letting a friend go as she's pregnant for the third time and we're into our fifth year of secondary infertility and it's just too bloody painful.

All of hers are the same sex- they 'planned' it that way using a certain method apparently. Because that's the only sex they would have wanted.

I just can't put the brave face on around her anymore, I'm too much of a coward and it just hurts me.

One was a user who made increasingly nasty comments until I finally realized that this was no friendship.

The other met her DH and just stopped making any effort with me and a few other friends, so I stopped bothering. Sadly, he was a humourless, uptight Hyacinth Bucket type obsessed with what the neighbours think and no fun at all. Really sadly, this super-fun woman is now the same as he is.

My best friend from the age of 13, we did everything together, got into the same bands, fashion etc. She was such fun when in the mood, however she had a dark side which I really couldn't understand or cope with. Now I know she suffered from depression, had no experience at the time though.

She would manipulate me into staying over at her house most nights because her mum was at work, she didn't want to be alone and I was the only thing that could prevent her suicide. Our 6th former leavers party involved me spending all night in the toilets with her because she was so shit faced her head was falling into the toilet bowl as she vomited her guts out.

I didn't speak to 2 of my best friends for a year because she made up some bollocks about them accusing her of being a fat lesbian (she was neither) & making her life unbearable.

Because I was so weak willed and scared of her hurting herself I lied to my parents about my options for university so I could go along with her plans for us going to the same place & getting a place together. Predictably she continued with the self-harm manipulation and stopped me from developing new friendships and meeting boyfriends.

Eventually she met a bloke she liked, I started going out with his best friend. All was good for a while until her man realised she was a nut job and dumped her, then she pulled the suicide card on me again and again until my boyfriend explained to me that she wasn't in charge of me, she wasn't my responsibility and I had a right to do my own thing and be happy.

I moved out on her and never spoke to her again. She is still friends with one of our old school friends, she has found jesus and has 5 children, i hope she is content now but i will never try to contact her again. She ruined my teenage years.

She started seeing my ex bf and was too scared to tell me... I genuinely didn't care as I'd not been with him for 4 or 5 years at that point. In fact... I actually hoped that they would be happy as they're actually quite well suited (and he already knows all of her worst traits).

Because of this, she put distance between us and I don't have time for that sort of behaviour.

Yes one. Had been friends since we were 15 and I cut her off when I was 43. Loads of small reasons but basically she made me feel like shit, put me down, constantly in a passive aggressive way. She had an affair and got really stroppy when I wouldn't lie for her to her husband. Such a relief when I stopped contact.

I fucked up, missed her wedding at short notice. Fair enough that she didn't want to be in touch after that. I had children, she found she was infertile, again, she's not going to want to be around me in full on family mode. Still miss her though, more than ten years on.

Yes. Have done it twice.

First time, had been very close friends for over 4 years. She became difficult when I got together with DH (she had been miserably single for several years). We worked through it. But then she got together with a guy, and basically reinvented herself just to fit in with his life...compromised her standards, ethics and morals...just to be part of a couple. I lost respect for her and didn't recognise her anymore. I wrote her a letter disolving the friendship. She never replied, and I have never missed her.

Second time, we'd been friends all through primary, then lost touch in our teens. Met up again in our early 20s and saw each other all the time and had some great laughs. When DH and I split for a couple of months the year before we married, I realised she was over the moon...but, for all the wrong reasons. I realised she relished the fact I was finally single, while she finally had a boyfriend. When DH and I made up, and he proposed, she was furious - got drunk one night, and spewed some really poisonous bilge. I realised she actually really disliked me and hated that I was going to have a happy ending (her BF had reluctantly agreed to an engagement a few years earlier, but was refusing to actually get married).

I put up with her drunken tirade for over an hour (it takes a lot to make me lose my temper). But, eventually I snapped, and icily put her exactly in her place, then calmly left.

Never saw, or spoke to her again. 25 years of friendship just gone...but have never regretted it.