To stop throwing the balls back over the fence?

[Danielsss]

Those bloody balls. The kids next door constantly play ball games, the balls always go over our fence! We would always get a knock on the door, every 2 minutes. I ended up saying if just throw it back over, it's still as frequent!!! How do I stop this?

It is precisely because of my experience and observation that so few people can afford to be stay at home parents that my suggestions are completely appropriate.

Allow the child to climb in after his or her own ball.

Get a gate so that the child can enter the garden by the gate.

Your opinion that children enjoy winding up adults is pretty warped.

I continue to be fascinated by people's interpretations of the place I call home. The words I wrote have taken on a life of their own, haven't they?

But I demand that you answer my hypothetical question, Francis.

You simply must tell me how I can reconcile my desire to feel good about myself by rescuing a cat from a shelter with the fact that songbird families are waving off mum and dad in the morning and waiting in vain for their return, their poor little chirps fading to silence while your cats amuse themselves.

CandleCat2 is incredibly flattered that you think his hunting prowess is capable of decimating entire species. As I write, he is sitting grooming himself, and almost smiling. He is a modest little cat, so he can't quite allow a big cheesy grin, which is what he feels like doing. CandleCat1 is wondering what the bloody hell you are blithering in about, because any cretin knows that a single cat could not obliterate an entire species, no matter how hard it tries. Of course, CandleCat1 can't be arsed going hunting as it interrupts his nap time. He lets CandleCat2 do all the hard work in that respect. CandleCat2, despite his hunting prowess, has never yet managed to obliterated any of the bird species around here, although I do wish he would try a bit harder with the bloody seagulls that shit on my car. We never have a mouse problem, apart from the mummified corpse which was found under the fridge one day when we were cleaning. In fact, even our neighbourhood fox doesn't cause that many problems and our fences help keep him out of our gardens most of the time. He is a very handsome beast and can jump very high when the mood takes goodness, just think of the damage he could do if he found a flap in the fence big enough to allow a child to go through. In fact, said hypothetical child might crawl through the flap and find itself face to face with our handsome resident - that would solve the problems of the ball going over very nicely I expect. I might have to have a chat with the fox the next time I see him.

What a fabulous Catch-22 you've invented Math, there is literally no way for you to be wrong. Careful though, that hostility towards outsides can't create a positive atmosphere.

Someone in my neighbourhood goes around sticking up "hedgehog advisory notices" telling you what to do if you find a hedgehog. It's very cute. It's a nice living in an area where people care about all living creatures.

Anyone seen robins this summer? Seem to be an odd number of them around.

I always wanted a budgie.

A friend of mine nearly bought a parrot the other week.

Clearly all the children you have met are wonderful little snowflakes. But ask any teacher and they will tell you stories of little darlings who are over indulged by their parents and consequently have not learned consideration ( the point of this post since it has apparently escaped you, Math) and do spend their time winding people up because it gets them attention. I do have a gate in my fence, but it is not there for kids to use. It is there for me to use when I have garden refuse to put out, or recycling, or even letting CandleCat1 out of on the days when he can't be arsed to climb the fence. I have not encouraged children to come and go as they please as the gate is not the easiest to close properly and since CandleDog is something of an escape artist when he gets the chance, I do not want to risk him getting out.

Should I ever see a coyote in my neighbourhood, I would no doubt spend hours watching in fascination, as we don't have coyotes in the UK. And as I live in a town, a small town, but still a town, we are not much bothered by Hawks, either. You do, however, see them in the countryside round about if you know where to look. But even when I did live much more rurally than I do now, we didn't have a problem with Hawks. They minded their own business and we minded ours. There always seemed to be enough birds and mice to be shared between the cats and the hawks.

Frances, when you checked your policy, did you have public indemnity cover? Just in case someone who you have not invited onto your property gets injured, for example, gives themselves a head injury by stepping on a rake while retrieving a ball?

NeWmarket once saved a starling chick from being torn apart by two Magpies. Magpies are fuckers, they should be kept indoors.

We have a colony of house sparrows they don't seem perturbed by wankercat.

I've seen robins this summer too.

I have in-laws in the US, trespassers are risking getting shot.

My bil is a retired us marine General. They've lived all over the US. The place is feckin mental. I'd rather live somewhere where children sometimes have to play with their spare ball than somewhere where toddlers shoot their siblings.

CDog is indeed lazy, though Wankercat has just gone into teen DS2s bedroom for the day a nap.

Oops, seems I promoted him, he's a colonel not a general.

Exactly Francis. In answer to your pondering about columbine, when I last looked it up, I am sure that there is on average one shooting per day involving 3 or more victims in the US. I wouldn't quote me on that though.

Also youngest ndn is obsessed with wankercat. Given the choice between her siblings getting their ball back and the existence of wanderlust, I know which side they are on.