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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop throwing the balls back over the fence?

453 replies

Danielsss · 26/08/2016 00:41

Those bloody balls. The kids next door constantly play ball games, the balls always go over our fence! We would always get a knock on the door, every 2 minutes. I ended up saying if just throw it back over, it's still as frequent!!! How do I stop this? HmmConfused

OP posts:
WankersHacksandThieves · 03/09/2016 00:35

I think our American cousin is a fucking lunatic.

Anyway, wankercat once massacred a robin, on Christmas day evening, in the kids playroom in the centre of the Lord of the Rings Lego scene they'd built from their Christmas gifts. Lovely sight for them on boxing day morning.

littleprincesssara · 03/09/2016 00:39

Anyone else had a cat who learned to smother his collar bell (aka bird warning device) with his own neck fat, to be able to continue silent avarian stalking?

Cats are sneaky, clever little fuckers.

WankersHacksandThieves · 03/09/2016 00:44

Cats are sneaky, clever little fuckers. I'd let one climb over my fence to retrieve the decapitated bird heads that it's been using for football practice at any time of day or night. Do I win the prize for solving the mystery?

FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 00:53

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FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 01:10

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mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 01:42

Why am I not surprised some of you think it's funny to let your cats out to kill birds.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 01:48

Francis:
Rock Cornish game hen/ Rock Cornish hen?
You are puzzled?
It's a cross between Cornish Game and White Plymouth Rock chicken breeds.

Sure you don't want to check your fence insurance? You've been wrong about everything else on this thread after all...

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 01:52

Littleprincesssara:
Living in an affluent crime-free neighbourhood that is well stocked with local amenities and where people have enough spare time to do volunteer work IS a privilege.

If you have a roof over your head then you are privileged. Period. Privileged does not mean wealthy.

Now you are being completely ridiculous.
Your definition of privilege is so broad it is meaningless.

And you need to look up the meaning of affluent too, because I think you believe it means any income that is higher than the income of someone living in a cardboard box under a viaduct.

People make time for what is important to them. If throwing balls back to children was important to people on this thread then they would make time for it. If they felt children were worth their notice, that is.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 02:07

That takes time (free time is a luxury and one many people do not have), it takes personal resources (a safe and secure home and adequate mental and physical health), local resources (libraries, etc.) and at least a comfortable income.
People make time for what they feel is important.
A safe and secure home? So you don't have to sit in your window twitching your curtains and muttering about young hooligans? I don't see how a safe and secure home comes into your equation here at all.
And nobody is asking anyone whose physical or mental health are sub par to to anything they don't want to. By the same token, are you suggesting that the majority of people are ruled out of contributing because of issues like that?
You don't think there are people who just simply prefer to sit on their arses all evening..
A comfortable income? What exactly does that mean? What threshold are we looking at here?
...If you let all of that hold you back from contributing whatever you can to your community then no wonder British society is so atomised and alienated. As noted, an auto mechanic and a post office employee enriched the lives of countless kids where I live, and one of them wasn't even American.

You're starting to sound like those hard core right wing "bootstrappers", you know, the people who claim Welfare programmes should not exist, because the homeless and those living in dire poverty could and should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
You are of course as wrong as you could be.
You can vote for Bernie Sanders - unfortunately he's as far left as it gets in America - AND also volunteer in your community.
You know very little and understand less of America.

I repeat: what on earth does any of this have to do with the fact I'm an evil child-hating meanie poo for forcing fictitious children to wait a few days to retrieve a ball rather than make them climb a 10ft ladder on a concrete surface?
If you are not actually dealing with any child lobbing balls into your precious garden then why have you spent so much time insisting I tell you how to deal with the problems caused by balls being lobbed into your garden by children?

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 02:19

Francis:
He had lived with a family with five children, who has not been taught about consideration or kindness to animals.

They had tormented the poor little cat mercilessly, the parents admitted this in a matter of fact manner to the staff, seeing nothing wrong in their delightful offsprings behaviour. The cat had started defecating in terror, and it was this that made them give the cat away.

He was a sweet cat, who settled down without a problem. He was probably so relieved to be away from the hell he'd been living in.

An innocent animal, living in pain and fear because a bunch of children were allowed to do whatever they wanted, with no consequences.

Horrible, isn't it?

It truly is.
They learned that somewhere, you know. Somewhere along the line they learned that you can do whatever you like to someone or something powerless. They either saw someone treating someone else or something else like that or they experienced it themselves.

It's a shame that your post ended there, with concern for the cat, because the cat most likely isn't the only victim in that case.

You could learn a lesson from the Humane Society of the United States:
'...we must recognize that children who deliberately abuse animals—or talk about animal abuse in the home—are crying out for help and need immediate attention....'

'...Children who abuse animals are often victims of abuse themselves or have witnessed domestic violence...'

www.humanesociety.org/parents_educators/childhood_cruelty_breaking_cycle_abuse.html

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 02:24

You are suggesting that inside each child there lurks a monster that can only be kept in check by relentless imposition of 'consequences'.

You are implying that you are performing some sort of public service by putting children in their place when their ball arrives in your garden, making them wait for its return, refusing to allow them to get their own ball back, doing it all in your own sweet time.

The Humane Society believes otherwise:
'Learn about violence prevention programs and coalitions in your area. Make your classroom a kind one. Teaching by example is a teacher’s most powerful tool. Your efforts to rescue a spider, feed birds, or start a collection for your local animal shelter will make a lasting impression. Consider establishing a humane education program in your school that helps students develop empathy and compassion for people and animals.'

littleprincesssara · 03/09/2016 07:34

Evidently you are not familiar with the conceit of systemic privilege, which is common in those who have it.

Fine. You live in a crime-free utopia that's simultaneously totally ordinary and achievable to anyone, and utterly envy-inducing. Good for you.

I bet anything I do more charity/volunteering work in my local community and with kids than you. But I could devote myself 24/7 to my neighbourhood and I'd still share a communal wall with a drug dealer and have had two stabbings in our driveway.

Thisis all 100% hypothetical, remember? You're the one insisting I'm basically Hitler for going away to work, because what if your hypothetical "neglected child whose only comfort in life is the football which is his only toy" threw it over.

FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 07:35

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FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 07:38

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FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 07:40

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littleprincesssara · 03/09/2016 07:42

And "I know I am right. I am always right."

LittleCandle · 03/09/2016 07:47

Honestly math you are really dragging the bottom of the barrel now. Are you suggesting we keep our cats indoors all the time? It is not normal for cats never to get outside. They are hunting animals and everyone knows that. Well, apart from you and that is just one more think you don't know to add to the vast list of other things you don't know.

You do live a privileged existence. So do I, but I am at least aware of that. You seem to think your life is the norm, but there are very many different types of norm. We live in a pretty crime free area, too, but we are lucky enough to be able to afford to do I am well aware that if things had gone a bit differently just a few short years ago, I would be lucky to have a roof over my head and I could be living in a very different kind of neighbourhood.

I think you need to wind your neck in, as you are becoming more and more ridiculous with every single post. Your life experience appears to be incredibly limited and you have absolutely no empathy whatsoever.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 07:51

It's up to you whether you indulge in envy, Littleprincesssara. Nobody is forcing you to feel that way. I didn't cause that.

It is also your own perception that where I live is a utopia. I didn't use that term. There is nothing I can do to change whatever elements of your education or past experiences may inform your choice of words there. I described an average neighbourhood.

I bet anything I do more charity/volunteering work in my local community and with kids than you. But I could devote myself 24/7 to my neighbourhood and I'd still share a communal wall with a drug dealer and have had two stabbings in our driveway.
That is quite weird.
I'm not in any sort of competition with you. You can see things as a competition if you wish. Congratulations, you won!

It's not all hypothetical except apparently for the bit where you have an actual problem with an actual child whose ball has landed in your garden. I answered the OP's real question.

You kept on demanding answers to the problems associated with your ten foot high concrete wall (that may or may not exist), with associated faux concern for a non-existent five year old child who might injure or kill himself climbing over it. Do you want me to go back up the thread and highlight all of your imperious demands for answers? Now you are telling me I am wasting your time talking about your garden walls. It's bizarre.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 08:00

Francis:

There is a difference between suggesting you make sure your fence is insured, based on the fact that fences are not always specifically covered, and telling someone categorically that their fence is not insured.

Here's a hypothetical question for you:
If a neighbourhood enjoys the occasional visit from coyotes and provides a comfortable home for hawks, is it cruel or kind to let one's cat venture outside?

Littlecandle:
Is it an environmentally or ethically sound decision for a person to keep a hunting animal even though the hunting by that pet and multitudes of others may result in decimation of other species?

FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 08:00

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FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 08:03

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mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 08:04

"I know I am right. The rational and reasonable solution is always right. Everything else just contributes to the net nastiness of life and it is always wrong."

"Happy to oblige. I know I am right."

On neither occasion when I used the phrase 'I know I am right' did I include the phrase 'I am always right'.

You made that bit up, Littleprincesssara Shock.
This gets curiouser and curiouser.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 08:07

(1) A stranger comes along, not having read the document and being wholly ignorant of the legal systems governing the country in which the householder lives.
(2) They tell the householder their insurance does not cover the fence.

Wrong on two counts, but heyho...

Fwiw, here you go: There is a difference between suggesting you make sure your fence is insured, based on the fact that fences are not always specifically covered, and telling someone categorically that their fence is not insured.
Not that plain English seems to make much of a difference.

LittleCandle · 03/09/2016 08:08

Come now, you did not give any real solutions to the OP's question. You made various ludicrous suggestions that we all thought were meant for the comedic a value to cheer up the poor OP who was being driven mad by said child and ball.

With every post, you have added to your descriptions of this 'average' place where you live that has great neighbours, no crime, wonderful amenities and apparently no unemployment and loads of people who can be a stay at home parent, and therefore are completely willing to spend all day throwing balls back to kids who have not been taught consideration of others and think this is a brilliant new game. I cannot believe that you have never met a child who thinks the best fun in life is to wind up an adult and if they get one that is as thick as you, then they probably think all their birthdays and Christmases have come at once.

Why do you find it so difficult to accept that what has been said here (that we will throw the balls back when it is convenient to is the norm? Your experience of life is very limited and as I said before, you are completely lacking in empathy. that means being able to see someone else's point of view

mathanxiety · 03/09/2016 08:09

How would you like to see your cats leave this world, Francis - in the jaw of a coyote or swept aloft in the talons of a hawk?

Maybe you would also like to ponder the environmental and ethical issues involved in keeping hunting animals as pets?

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