AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

[MidnightMargaritas]

So basically I have two lovely kids one 6 year old DD and a 15 month old DS. I have been married to their father for 3 years and we have been together 8 years in total. I have always had problems with hormonal contraception. (Losing hair, getting sick, allergic reactions, pregnancy etc) I'm currently on the depo but dont want to remain on it as it seems to be making me even more anxious (i'm on 50mg sertraline). Have also had the mirena coil, implant (x3), cerelle, cerazette (got pregnant on this), microgynon, cilest (got pregnant on this) and used condoms.
After a very traumatic birth with my son (which ended in EMCS), I had terrible aftercare and PTSD so I decided to ask the GP during my therapy if I could be sterilised. I was told I wasn't allowed. At my age too many women regret sterilisation. I was then told I could meet someone else and decide to have children. The GP then said if one of my kids were to die I could still go on to have more. I left it six months and decided to ask again to be told the same thing and its really upset me. I was also told it costs the NHS a lot of money for the Op. What I dont understand is that if I was to have another child I would need a lot of therapy, medication, scans and i'd probably end up needing another c-section. Surely it would be more cost effective to let me be sterilised?
When I knew they werent relenting I asked about my DH having the snip. They said that was also unlikely due to his age.
I'd rather have the op because the thought of me ever being pregnant terrifies me. Even if me and my husband separate I would never want to have another child. I couldn't cope. I couldn't afford to get it done privately (6K)
So AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

[TheNaze73]

YANBU. I don't see the problem with your age. You can never truly know what's around the corner however, you can only go on best guesstimate endeavours as to where your future lies

[HelenaDove]

Yeah Historygeek Cos that wont cause a problem in a relationship will it?


Why isnt NON PIV sex being suggested and pushed more. Is it because this is more likely to give women pleasure without the risk of pregnancy and some sections of society wouldnt like that!

[FoddyWaddle]

I was sterilised at 23 and after complications i had a full hysterectomy 6 months later. I am married and have 4 children. My GP supported me and i did not have to fight for sterilisation. I actualy found it very simple! Surprisingly nobody would support my husband having a vasectomy!

[JacquesHammer]

I am being refused sterilisation repeatedly. I am 36. The reason being is GP's position is that I am single and "might meet a man who wants children".

Despite the fact I am (a) infertile and (b) have no desire for more children.

Vive la patriarchy

[HelenaDove]

A childfree by choice woman does not want any mans child.


YY at patriarchy comment.

[Lorelei76]

Helena "A childfree by choice woman does not want any mans child"

of course but there are still idiots all over the place who remain shocked by this concept. Try telling them that if he wants kids, he's the wrong man and you might just make their brain explode

[MrsHam13]

My dh was given the snip at 28. It's not a massive age difference..He wasn't even questioned over it. Just said my wife and I have three children we gave decided we don't want anymore and it makes more sense for me to have a one off short op than for her to be on contraceptives for the next twenty years potentially.

Id see someone different.

[HelenaDove]

Lorelei its yet another example of the mans wants being seen as more important than the womans.

[Witchend]

I know someone who was sterilised in their 20s. It was reversed without success in late 30s when they changed their minds.

[inaclearingstandsaboxer]

I was sterilized at 25.

I had a six yr old and a one yr old. Both pregnancies were precarious with horrific pre eclampsia - needing time in ITU for me after first birth and second baby having to be delivered early.

It was suggested after number two I knock it on the head. Baby two also had obv disabilities and the idea of having any more children made me sick. I can't take any hormonal contraception.

Fast forward 24 years and I am married to a different man. He is the love of my life and to have a child with him would have been wonderful but he says the next one (especially at my age) could kill me.

Bit sad really

[Lorelei76]

Helena, yes, but it's also so many other things. I've actually got a childfree friend who went NC with her mother because her mother was so angry that she married a childfree man, she knew my friend was childfree and that's who she'd marry but then she started blaming the husband.

I do know of 2 guys who had no trouble getting the snip in their 30s - no kids - and they had no trouble being taken seriously - that is rampant misogyny too.

I do think the doctor you have can make a huge difference though, so OP, do see another if you can. I really hope you get this sorted

[HelenaDove]

Lorelei my DM wasnt pleased that i didnt want children at first. But she got used to the idea after a while.

Your friends mum sounds awful.

[TheGingerBreadWoman]

Even at 39 and 2 difficult pregnancies the junior doctor was very reluctant to discuss sterilisation. Thankfully the consultant was sensible and did the procedure whilst I was in the table having a section

[takemetomars]

Mirena and copper coil = much cheaper and just as good as sterilization without the cost and the potential complications of people changing their minds for whatever reason.
Nhs has limited resources - things like male and femal sterilization are NOT a priority
NHS provision of certain procedures varies across the country - this explains the disparity in patient experiences
Save the money and go private if you must be sterilised, otherwise try a coil first??
Have you given any thought as to why they are so reluctant? Probably because they have seen so many people change their minds (as have I) for the very reasons quoted at you by your GP. Reversals are rarely successful and represent a cost that the NHS simply cannot afford.
These are facts and I appreciate you, and others here, will not like them, but there it is

[shinynewusername]

The GP's comment about having more if your children died is absolutely outrageous though.

No it's not. It is one of the issues that HCPs are supposed specifically to raise before sterilisation, because it is doubly devastating for a parent to lose a child, want another and not be able to have one. It wouldn't be doing the OP any favours to refer her for sterilisation if she hadn't thought through all the worse case scenarios - and you would be surprised how many people haven't.

OP, It is tricky one. As a GP, I believe it's your body, so your choice. However I have to say that I have had 2 patients who were absolutely adamant that their families were complete and they wouldn't want more children any circumstances whatsoever. They both had sterilisations, both regretted it and spent thousands trying to reverse unsuccessfully. I would therefore always advise patients to think very carefully about options like a Mirena which is as effective as sterilisation (which does have a failure rate) but can be reversed.

[HelenaDove]

"Save the money and go private if you must be sterilised"



Not always a possibility for someone on a low income who would then ALSO be criticised if they accidentally fell pregnant.

[HelenaDove]

shinynew i was advised by the FPC to go on the mini pill rather than a LARC because if it didnt agree with me i could just stop taking it. Someone on a LARC is convinced bullied to stay on it. The FPC also advised me against it because of my PREVIOUS weight problems. The FPC were right. I was able to stop taking it when it made me bloated.


Can i ask why someone who wants to transition is taken more seriously than a woman who simply doesnt want children.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I think your title and some people's responses are misleading. You are allowed to be sterilised, it's just the nhs won't fund it.
I have lots of sympathy for your situation, but I do think the nhs shouldn't be funding this.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

The GP's comment about having more if your children died is absolutely outrageous though

That's exactly what the GP asked my dh 15 years ago when he asked for the snip but then when he was satisfied with dh's answer he agreed. Dh was 31.

If you feel you are ready I don't think it's up to anyone to tell you to wait another ten years. If you did change your mind after having it done then basically that's tough and you need to take that into consideration when making the decision in the first place.

[HelenaDove]

To clarify ............the FPC would not have bullied me to stay on a LARC.

It was them who removed my Norplant back in 1997 when the surgery wouldnt despite them inserting the Norplant rods.

But i have also seen threads on here where women were told to stay on them despite having huge health problems caused by a LARC.

[HelenaDove]

Well perhaps there should be some sort of tax rebate for women who dont have children then arethereanyleftatall.

[Penelope52]

I know someone who was sterilised after 4DC then split from her Dh and met someone else. She had the procedure reversed (self funded) and went on to have 2 more DC with the new partner. Of course there is no guarantee that the reversal procedure will be successful but it could be something to consider if you later change your mind.

[Vixyboo]

I really feel for you op.

I am 32 and preg with my second. I have always wanted two children and that will be that.

If anyone questioned me, as I would like to be sterilised after this baby, to say I would be pissed off would be an understatement!

I am done after this one! Anyone who thinks I would like hemmoroids, anal abscesses and post nasal drip again is mistaken!!!!!!!

I have a friend who at 35 asked to be sterilised as she already had 3 dc. Now she has 4. Whilst she loves her 4th she says any more would not be financially viable. She keeps asking.

[lemony7]

OP we were in a very similar situation. I've got 2 autoimmune diseases so contraception just doesn't work for me. I got pregnant whilst on the pill and the patch (at the same time, not 2 pregnancies). I'm 30 now, and the pill that actually worked I had to come off due to it effecting my blood pressure, and then all my other meds. Pushed for sterilisation but not allowed. DH wanted the snip to be told no, he's too young (30). I went to a nurse I usually see and she wrote a recommendation to a GP, and told us to book to see him.

Fast forward a month and DH is done and dusted (no longer sore) and soon I can be pill free! We didn't even need the counselling you're supposed to have (because of the severity of the decision).

So: do you have a medical professional that can do something similar for you...?

[Lorelei76]

mars "Nhs has limited resources - things like male and femal sterilization are NOT a priority"

that's exactly why it's a good idea - it will save them money in the long run.

I believe in Canada the health service will pay for you to be sterilised but not for a reversal. Makes sense to me.

Also for a 25 year old - and a search online shows it's not expensive - will the cost of contraception actually be higher than the procedure?