AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

[MidnightMargaritas]

So basically I have two lovely kids one 6 year old DD and a 15 month old DS. I have been married to their father for 3 years and we have been together 8 years in total. I have always had problems with hormonal contraception. (Losing hair, getting sick, allergic reactions, pregnancy etc) I'm currently on the depo but dont want to remain on it as it seems to be making me even more anxious (i'm on 50mg sertraline). Have also had the mirena coil, implant (x3), cerelle, cerazette (got pregnant on this), microgynon, cilest (got pregnant on this) and used condoms.
After a very traumatic birth with my son (which ended in EMCS), I had terrible aftercare and PTSD so I decided to ask the GP during my therapy if I could be sterilised. I was told I wasn't allowed. At my age too many women regret sterilisation. I was then told I could meet someone else and decide to have children. The GP then said if one of my kids were to die I could still go on to have more. I left it six months and decided to ask again to be told the same thing and its really upset me. I was also told it costs the NHS a lot of money for the Op. What I dont understand is that if I was to have another child I would need a lot of therapy, medication, scans and i'd probably end up needing another c-section. Surely it would be more cost effective to let me be sterilised?
When I knew they werent relenting I asked about my DH having the snip. They said that was also unlikely due to his age.
I'd rather have the op because the thought of me ever being pregnant terrifies me. Even if me and my husband separate I would never want to have another child. I couldn't cope. I couldn't afford to get it done privately (6K)
So AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

[Oblomov16]

I completely agree with the fact that what the GP said was outrageous. I have been sterilised and it was a great decision. I have 2 ds's and will not have more, no matter what.

Why do some people find our decisiveness so objectionable?

[borntobequiet]

Your potential number of childbearing years is irrelevant, as is your potentially regretting your decision in the future. You know this and want a hysterectomy nonetheless.
Your request should be granted.

[Oblomov16]

I completely agree with the fact that what the GP said was outrageous. I have been sterilised and it was a great decision. I have 2 ds's and will not have more, no matter what.

Why do some people find our decisiveness so objectionable?

[NoBloodyMore]

I was sterilised at 28 during my 2nd section, 3rd baby, I didn't even have to argue they just kept asking if I was certain (I was), try and ask to see a consultant re contraception issues and then ask them.

[Oblomov16]

I can't believe some of the posts I'm reading.
My operation was not that intrusive, I was back home the same morning and I don't think it's that costly compared to any other NHS cost.

And what are these supposed 'side effects'?
I've heard it all now!! I can't believe OP is getting such a hard time.

[gamerwidow]

I think you should be allowed to make your own choices about your body but can also understand why this isn't funded for under 30s by the NHS budgetary restraints being as they are. Would it be cheaper and more affordable to get dh a vasectomy privately?

[MidnightMargaritas]

Gamerwidow it would still cost around two thousand privately.

[BikeGeek]

The NHS can't refuse treatment on the grounds that an individual caused the problem in the first place. If they did that, where would it end?

They do howeve, refuse treatement to those with children like the OP. Highly unlikely that she'd qualify for help, so saying the NHS would have to pick up any bill based on the OP's decision is just wrong.

[MariposaUno]

With your experiences you would think they would consider it, at 25 youmore than know your own mind and if there is no niggle of doubt in your mind that you will want children then keep pushing.
There's no point in thinking what ifs, you know what you want now and no one should be able to decide what you ultimately do with your body.

I'm 25 and when I had dc at 19 and up until a year ago I said never again. Now I'm open to changing my mind in years to come when I am in a position to. Ie. financial security/ltr and even then I think it will be last ditch attempt when I'm pushing 40.
I have the coil so I'm content that I'm almost certain not to get pregnant in the mean time.

Don't give up.

[pennyunwise]

I think you should be allowed (and you are). I'm not sure the NHS should be obligated to do it. If it's so important to you then you should save the money and have it done privately, in my opinion.

[OhBigHairyBollocks]

OP YANBU.
I am also 25 and have two children. I had an ELCS with my second. I asked to be sterilised ag the same time. Both pregnancies were absolutely bloody hideous and I hated every second of it. I have NO intention of having another one. Ever. My pelvis is fucked, my stomach muscles dont exist anymore and quite frankly, two children is enough!
The doctor basically laughed at me and told me I had no chance whatsoever. Too young. Its total bullshit and so patronising when people say "oh you might change your mind" mmmm No. 😠

[Whitewhine89]

Midnight are you in the UK? Only reason I'm asking is that I work in private healthcare and vasectomy costs £700, whist sterilisation is approx £3k. I know that doesn't help much as you've stated that it's unaffordable for now....

I had Essure sterilisation performed on the NHS as an outpatient. It was fantastic and has given me much reassurance and am now off hormonal contraception. It's a much more affordable procedure to the NHS as no theatre/ward required.

Another option might be for you to attend a family planning clinic or sexual health centre - if you have one locally they will be more "geared up" to counsel yourself and your husband and may be more amenable to offering either of you treatment.

[FlipperSkipper]

Re fertility treatment if the op changed her mind - this would not be funded by the NHS as she already had children, so is not part of the reason for refusal.

[Danglyweed]

someday honestly it wasn't a problem to me, we had had many chats with him about what I wanted to do after labour. As I said he had been my consultant and delivered my (2 at that moment) 4 prem babies, he knew what I wanted. I was calm and he knew it would be a good opportunity to do it then. Maybe he knew that otherwise in future it would've been a no.

[DollyBarton]

Having children is a big fucking deal and happens accidentally all the time. ALL the time! Here is a woman who knows she does not want any accidents here and is being told no, you might change your mind. People are probably thinking ah sure if she has an accident she'll love it anyway.

Do you know what OP, if your contraception fails you can always have an abortion. Now there's a fair choice for a woman who actively is seeking help to never end upon that position!!!

Sterilisation should be an accepted and supported right for women. We have all argued strongly for women's rights, some of you strongly against abortion but all of you I'm sure can imagine the moral and emotional dilemma with an unwanted pregnancy. We should all be supporting this posters right to a definite form of permanent contraception if that's what she wants.

[MrsJayy]

I work with parents mostly mums and average under 30 and the women who mention sterilisation say I have had my babies i have had enough yet they are not considered for sterilisation they are told it is easier for their partners to get done or you might change your mind like they cant make rational decisions it is so frustrating for them.

[KatieTheVampireSlayer]

I agree with everyone that by 25 you know your own mind. But unfortunately as you are making the decision you should pay that tab. You would need to save for either you or your dh to be sterilised.
It's unlikely the nhs will do anything until your 30 and you say you like in fear so really saving is your best bet

[MrsJayy]

£2k is hell a lot of money to save

[Hedgehog80]

From my own painful experience of this I'd advise caution when making the decision to be sterilised at a young age.
Are there other contraceptives you would consider?

Obviously YANBU as it is your choice. I would urge you to make sure you are really and truly 100% before embarking on something so 'huge'
It took me a long time to rectify the situation I found myself in free I was sterilised without informed consent and it has been a long hard road. I've had therapy for PTSD and had many many other hurdles to overcome due to this so please make sure you are sure and that its your decision

[Trifleorbust]

I think you should be allowed the operation at whatever age, and whether childless or a parent, OP, for my money's worth. You will be censured by others for being a 'breeder' if you choose to reproduce anyway, and by their mates for being 'barren' if you don't 😂

[sashh]

Like a pp said, you have 20 childbearing years ahead of you and no one can possibly know what they'll want in the future (as much as we all like to think we will).

I've never wanted children and have not changed my mind.

YANBU but I doubt you will get a Dr to agree.

[Marynary]

That aside, the NHS should have waivers available for women to sign saying they won't request a reversal, so that young women can make the decision to be sterilised.

I don't think it would be ethical to refuse NHS treatment for people because they had signed a waiver at some point in their lives saying that they won't ask for it.

[SomedayBaby]

Like a pp said, you have 20 childbearing years ahead of you and no one can possibly know what they'll want in the future (as much as we all like to think we will)

I've never wanted children and have not changed my mind

That may be the case for you but it's not for plenty of others with all sorts of things. I would need more that two hands to count the people I know personally who were adamant aged 30 that they would remain childless, or that they would only ever have two dc. Or that they would never work anything less than full time. Or that they would never even consider moving to X area. Or plenty of other things.

Fast forward ten years and they've had that child or children, they've changed to part time work, they've moved to the place they would have wagered their life on they never would.

Things change, feelings change, people change, circumstances change. Making such an irreversible life decision at age 25 generally has 'potential disaster' written all over it IMHO.

[Marynary]

It seems perfectly plausible that the NHS could establish a sterilisation policy and waiver without drawing any larger implications.

Of course it could have wider implications. It doesn't seem plausible to me at all that it NHS treatment could be refused for infertility because that person had "signed a waiver" many years before saying that they won't ask for treatment.