To think that the word "cocklodger" defines the concept?

[Disappointednomore]

Before joining MN I had never heard this expression. I've seen it explained a few times and am clear on the concept. Now, recently something has happened to make me think a guy is a potential cocklodger. I don't think, if I hadn't read the word and its description that I would have understood this. So AIBU to think that by inventing this word and defining it that a new concept has also been invented which allows us to see something that previously would not have been that simple?

It really is that simple. Cocklodger. Aka cuckoo man: a man who moves into an established nest because he can get his shit together.

It does what it says in the tin. But no, most things aren't clear to most people simply because somebody else has already defined things.
Giving something a name or label doesn't make it more visible.

I actually think YANBU. Language does help us see.

Was going to explain, give examples and define - but it's too hot!!!!

Flogging - take the example of shadenfreude - the concept is readily understandable but having a word allows us to quickly label and communicate the concept as in "oh I think that sensation is schadenfreude" or "I think that guy is a potential cocklodger". Realise I may have contradicted my initial post.

Sorry for misspelling - am on phone and can't see screen properly!

If I didn't hear the word in context I'd probably think it was a new species of wild bird and run excitedly to retrieve my binoculars.

I really dislike the term. I think the danger is that it gets applied to SAHDs. I've seen that happen on here.

I would never refer to a woman who didn't work as a cuntlodger. There are some women who are lazy and not pulling their weight in the home I'm sure but I feel like applying a blanket term like that would feel hostile to unemployed women generally. I feel the same about cocklodger.

I agree OP. Like gaslighting, or even the much misused "passive aggression" it's one of those phrases which gives you a new way of looking at and understanding behaviour.

I've not seen it used about SAHD's. Even the most useless SAHD is normally earning their keep by providing childcare that would otherwise cost an arm and a leg and it would be pointed out as such on any thread - unless the child is going to school/nursery and mum does all the pickups and drop-offs in which case "cocklodger" starts to look appropriate again.

Words give us a new frame for actions that we wouldn't have been able to put together otherwise, wouldn't have been able to see the pattern. Having a word for it legitimises a concept, "phew, you see it too?"

That they can also be used against people - well yes. They are a tool. That someone uses a word unfairly against someone doesn't mean that concepts like gaslighting or cocklodger are any less enlightening for people struggling with the feeling that there's something not quite right in this picture, if only they could put their finger on it.

If you advance search it you'll see it used against SAHDs and against a guy who moved for his wife's job and full time students and all sorts. There are people on all those threads sticking up for the man in question and I'm honestly not a "poor menz" type.

I suppose I worry that it re enforces the (patriarchal) idea that a man's role is to bring in the money.

I'm probably sensitive as my DH is a SAHD.

There is definitely a difference between SAHD and CL,

I have never seen a SAHD labelled as a cocklodger

I have seen some cockloders try to self define as SAHD's though.

On here AF?

As in the potential cocklodger is posting that he's a SAHD?

As in the long suffering women who post asking for support about lazy/abusive/useless partners agreeing with his definition of SAHD but when you hear the actual details it becomes clear he is a cocklodger

Oh I see yes I think that definitely exists, I just see the term used more widely and I think it's counterproductive.

I also feel that way about "disney dad" and "mini wife" and "cool wife". They all describe things that exist and are problematic but the terms are reductive I think.

What's Disney dad, mini wife and cool wife?

I was roundly told off yesterday for calling a man posting a cocklodger.

Urgh, mini wife is disgusting, never heard of that one before

Yy - what is mini wife?

"My stepdaughter thinks she is my husbands girlfriend"

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2165086-to-think-that-mini-wife-is-problematic-for-exactly-the-same-reasons-that-jailbait-is-problematic

God, what a vile and abusive term. I hope it's not used here.

Thanks for enlightening though beyond although I wish I hadn't asked

What's cool wife and Disney dad please?

Disney dad is a dad that only does the fun stuff like days out etc, and doesn't do any of the less appealing, but necessary, parts of parenting.
Not sure I can explain cool wife well, I'll leave that to someone else.

""Cool wife" refers to women who are encouraged/controlled to put up with shit behavior (strip clubs/porn/lack of appropriate contact/courtesy on nights out) from nasty little men who believe they should be able to treat their partners with disrespect and unkindness with the constant threat if said partner complains they'll be labelled as a nag/bore"

Another zombie thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2139412-AIBU-not-to-be-offended-by-being-called-a-cool-wife