to think that 'mini-wife' is problematic for exactly the same reasons that 'jailbait' is problematic?

(334 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

ArsenicyOldFace Thu 21-Aug-14 18:48:46

In that it transfers responsibility from adult men onto female children?

Thankfully one doesn't hear the word 'jailbait' much any more; society has moved on and we now understand the process of grooming etc

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Thu 21-Aug-14 18:49:56

YANBU
There was a long thread on this recently which was very interesting. I had never heard it before then.

EverythingIsAwesome Thu 21-Aug-14 18:50:40

Where and when is "mini-wife" used? I have never seen it used.

flipchart Thu 21-Aug-14 18:50:45

I've never heard of mini wife. I obviously missed the thread you mentioned.

Bakeoffcakes Thu 21-Aug-14 18:51:44

YANBU.

It's a horrible phrase and does transfer the responsibility onto the child.

It makes me feel angry everytime I read it on here.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie Thu 21-Aug-14 18:54:26

YANBU.

ArsenicyOldFace Thu 21-Aug-14 18:55:43

I was curious to know what people in general outside the step-parenting board thought.

It is a way of describing a girl who is clingy to her dad after divorce/remarriage and possibly less than ideal parenting from her father (i.e. insecure through not good enough boundaries).

Some step-mums use it. It is hotly contested.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Thu 21-Aug-14 18:56:36

Googled it and all I got was step mother:dsd relationship which guessing is wrong.

Explain please.

Sootgremlin Thu 21-Aug-14 18:57:03

Could someone explain the context in which "mini-wife" is used please? Obviously can guess, but haven't really come across it as such.

ArsenicyOldFace Thu 21-Aug-14 18:57:28

No doubt someone will come along and dispute even my best attempt at a neutral definition grin

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Thu 21-Aug-14 18:57:51

Oh xposted. Sounds a vile phrase.

emotionsecho Thu 21-Aug-14 18:58:47

YANBU, the term makes my flesh crawl.

I agree with you about the transfer of responsibility but I do wonder what the reaction would be if someone used that term to a father, I predict the fall-out would be epic as the assumption would automatically link the term to a sexual relationship.

It's a damaging and dangerous term to bandy about.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Thu 21-Aug-14 18:58:47

On a par with daddy's princess and lil dude!

basgetti Thu 21-Aug-14 18:58:51

YANBU. I actually saw 'jail bait' on a thread today. It's just woman hating and victim blaming shite, starting early.

ArabellaTarantella Thu 21-Aug-14 19:00:48

I came across a mini-wife in a relationship. Needless to say the relationship didn't survive. When she was in her 20s she still refused to let him have a girlfriend/partner and wrecked everything he tried. They do exist you know - no matter what you call them.

ArsenicyOldFace Thu 21-Aug-14 19:01:38

Really bas? shock

I'm glad I didn't hmm

basgetti Thu 21-Aug-14 19:04:04

Did you give your partner a label Arabella? Or just his inadequately parented daughter?

EveDallasRetd Thu 21-Aug-14 19:04:13

The correct terms, used by professionals, are "spousification" and "parentification"

I've only heard one SM use the term mini-wife on MN, and she also linked to an American blog that used the term. The other, very long, very useful thread gave links and explanations.

Maybe you should link to that thread OP, especially if all you wanted to do was to see what other people think - people should be better informed if you want a discussion.

scottishmummy Thu 21-Aug-14 19:04:40

Its a shocking term that demonises young girls and adolescents,as wives and conniving
Usually spouted by the unhappy current partner,and symptomatic of problematic relationship
Sort the adults in the relationship,addresscimmunication.dont project into child or adolescent

ArsenicyOldFace Thu 21-Aug-14 19:04:52

Why are you convinced the DD was responsible Arabella? It seems strange not to look at the parenting.

Can you explain what I am missing?

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Thu 21-Aug-14 19:05:44

Arabella I suspect that's am adult male who let's his dd do his dirty work for him.

scottishmummy Thu 21-Aug-14 19:07:10

Adults projecting their relationship detritus and difficulties onto children is appalling

Sootgremlin Thu 21-Aug-14 19:10:20

Ah, I see. Yes, I think that is true, it is does imply that there is agency on the part of the child in that relationship. I think I've seen the terms spousification/parentification used in a similar context, which seems more to describe what is actually happening, and places the responsibility more on to the adult for altering the role of the child.

I'm not sure how helpful any of those terms are in that situation though, they all seem to deflect a bit from the actual needs of the child.

ArsenicyOldFace Thu 21-Aug-14 19:10:23

I've only heard one SM use the term mini-wife on MN, and she also linked to an American blog that used the term. The other, very long, very useful thread gave links and explanations.

You should use the advanced search Eve- you'd be surprised. smile

Maybe you should link to that thread OP, especially if all you wanted to do was to see what other people think - people should be better informed if you want a discussion.

I'm not referencing a single thread. 'Mini wife' and 'mini wife syndrome' have been used quite a bit and their use has been defended quite strongly by a number of posters.

shaska Thu 21-Aug-14 19:12:48

I find the term a bit offensive, whether or not it describes something legitimate. Not sure why it rankles though, for me it's not a sex thing.

Maybe because its a term to describe a woman (or girl) negatively. And so to use 'wife' in a way that implies something... bad, seems to me a bit.... bad?

I'm not explaining myself well. It seems a bit like calling little boys 'girly' if they cry or whatever? If the problem is that the girl is possessive, or clingy... those aren't 'wifely' attributes, are they?

Not even sure if this is why I don't like it. But I don't like it.

I also don't think it would be the girl childs choice or fault to be like this, at all. I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. But it seems like making the label for the person whose fault it isn't, rather than the pattern of behaviour or the relationship that causes it, is pretty unfair.

JMO though.

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