DH going on holidays

[user1467393664]

AIBU to be pi$$ed off my DH is going on holidays for 4 days with his mates while I'm at home with our DC who don't sleep the night and are up at 5am everyday? It's just for a holiday for them to sit by the pool

Any resentment that is there is because i feel that even 6 months would make a difference in the manageability of the DC and then he could happily trot off as probably I would too. I agree you do change your priorities when you have DC well at least mine have.

I'm also annoyed that there was no self control to get in such a state as to fall asleep outside a busy nightclub where anything could have happened. I don't find getting that drunk admirable and I know everyone has a blow out every now and then but come on? To pass out?

Yanbu about the loss of the watch etc. Ridiculous.

Yabu and yanbu about the rest. I think you two need to decide together what sort of time is reasonable - for both of you. Yanbu in theory to ask him tongive lads holidays a bit of a break, but he might feel differently and prefer a reciprocal arrangement where you both get time off.

There's also the money factor. Obviously no one should be doing these holidays unless the family cam comfortably afford it and there is still money for a family holiday.

You're far far more tolerant than me, OP. I'd have been extremely angry at him going away, not so much the getting totally shitfaced as, by the sound of it, that was inevitable.

I hope your dh is ok, was he hurt at all?

OP, unless your smallest child is a newborn, I'm not sure 6 months would make much difference. I think you've made choices that will prevent you from going away and you expect your DH to do the same. Personally I think that's unfair. You knew in advance he was going and you could have lined up family to pop in and keep you company/help with the kids, or some babysitter time. It's only 4 days after all. As far as getting drunk enough that he got robbed, that was not the best decision making on his part, but that's a separate issue from going away in the first lave. I think YABU.

Exactly what paula says and what AnyFucker said about not remaining calm. But don't be angry at yourself. Be angry at him. He's being selfish.

YANBU. Awful behaviour. Dreadful in a young single man even worse for him. Is this what you want for a partner?

At first I thought YABU but with your update YANBU. What an idiot.

Oh well at least if he is getting that ridiculously drunk he's unlikely to be playing away.

Time for you to book a Weekend away. He is not respecting you at all. Does he ask or just tell you. It would make me mad. He doesn't sound very mature.

OP, you are entitled to feel pissed off and don't let anyone imply you might be jealous, controlling, nagging or too fixated on breastfeeding (what the fuck?) insert any other belittling terms almost exclusively applied to women

Nice to know so people on here think that being drunk is asking to be a victim of crime. I bet it would be different if it were a drunk woman being robbed.

And you still want a third child with this sort of idiot?

YANBU at all. There is a difference between a couple of nights away in the UK (which you had originally agreed to) and a drunken jolly abroad. As a previous poster said, your life doesn't have to be over because you have children but whilst they are very young you BOTH need to make adjustments. I bet your other half wouldn't be impressed if you woke up in a gutter minus your wedding ring!

it's expected for men to do this kinda thing (in some circles, not mine)

but imagine a woman waking up in a gutter minus her expensive jewely ? The hoo ha !

double standards innit

why not simply accept this is immature, selfish behaviour no matter the sex of the individual concerned. It's not a race to the bottom.

Really people are making out that this is acceptable behaviour because she is breastfeeding her children?

She hasn't made those 'choices' in a vacuum. She is looking after his children in the ways she feels is the best FFS. Why should her life be completely altered by having children and he can swan off and get incoherently drunk when he feels like it? Why shouldn't he be changing his life to take account of the fact that he now has children and the burden of looking after those children no matter what 'choices' she has made shouldn't fall solely or even by default to his wife. She knew she was unhappy and possibly struggling

Jeez I see why so many men have a sense of entitlement. It is totally supported by society.

He knew she was unhappy...

I don't think it's a male sense of entitlement, I think it's the entitlement of any adult to have a life outside their family. The OP has chosen not to do this but she is not entitled to force her choice on anyone else.

I wonder if what's really bothering you is the idea that he'd rather spend time with his mates than with you and the children. That it means (it doesn't) he's not the doting father and husband who adores his wife and kids above all and ignores what his friends think. You want him to not want to go.

She hasn't 'chosen' to do that. She is feeding her child. It just so happens that swanning away for drunken weekends isn't compatible with that.

And she is entitled to force the choice of looking after his children on to the father of those children.

From what I see the OP has not said that he's a bad father when he's not away. Unless I've missed something.

Gawd knows as well how much these jollies are costing.

Flights to Portugal, accommodation, enough drink - presumably at bars to render a grown man unconscious, possibly expensive nightclub entrance fees. That's without mentioning the Vegas trip.

Is there enough in the pot OP for luxurious family holidays as well? Or indeed for you, should you wish at some point in the future to go on a solo holiday. It's kind of a rhetorical question, as I'm pretty sure of the answer already.

Agree with restless!
It is not his fault he was robbed just because he was drunk!
ffs
If it was a woman and op was a man posters would be ripping him apart.
This could have happened if he was in the same country.

In addition to what scallops said, the OP stated that the children don't sleep, so quite regardless of the breastfeeding, being alone at home with them with no support is going to be exhausting.

And then there is the responsibility question. The OP's dp may not have decided about the breastfeeding or no foreign holidays until the children are older, but he has made a commitment to being a parent, and that means a commitment to staying alive and healthy if he can possible manage it, for as long as his children need him, a commitment to being able to do the actual work of being a parent.

Of course drunkenness is no excuse for robbery. But if you are drunk enough to pass out in the gutter, you are probably also drunk enough to step out in front of a car or choke on your vomit. How many of us would find it acceptable for the mother of very young children to risk leaving them in that way? So why is it acceptable for a father?

I never said he was a bad father. However he thinks its OK to make choices that are incompatible with having small children...unless you conveniently have someone else to look after them.