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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed at this reaction to birthday cake?

111 replies

qualitycontrolrequired · 24/08/2016 14:55

Ok - so it was my DC's birthday the other week and due to allergies, I always have to make birthday cakes.

Every year I've pushed myself and got a little bit more adventurous. Started with badly burnt, sloppily iced crappy cake on year one and a few years later I've managed to do pretty well.

This year I decided to try stacking cakes and made a really cool cake that looked great. It wasn't the most professionally-finished thing, but it was pretty good. All the family were really impressed and, yes, it made me feel good as I'd really gone out of my comfort zone.

But one parent of a friend of his actually commented to one of my best friends during his party that it was unnecessarily large and I was just showing off. This is a woman who always pays a local cake maker a small fortune to make really elaborate cakes.

AIBU to feel very annoyed/upset? I just wanted my child to have an amazing cake, just like the ones cake makers can make but without the hefty price tag.

OP posts:
slice · 25/08/2016 18:43

I'd say 'friend' said you were impressed with DC's cake, I really enjoyed making it, would you like me to make one for your dc's birthday???
She won't take you up on the offer because she's sounds like someone who'd rather brag about paying £100 for a cake, but its letting her know, you know about her comments and should be enough to embarrass the bitch ...........her

CasanovaFrankenstein · 25/08/2016 18:52

Next time make a life size cake version of her.

MinonsMovie · 25/08/2016 19:13

Did you (and your best friend) like this woman up until this comment, or has there been underlying bad vibes before now?

SingaSong12 · 25/08/2016 19:24

Seems a mean spirited/jealous comment.

As to next year make the cake your DC will love whether it's tiny or huge (rather than some kind of competitive bake-off with this woman/other parents)

Clairewev · 25/08/2016 19:55

As far as I'm concerned no cake is too big and amazing for my babies! ... But I have my own cake business and really go all out for them!
People don't realise how hard it is to decorate cakes so u should be proud of ur self!! She's obviously jealous!

Daydream007 · 25/08/2016 21:33

She is jealous that you made it!

deedeegee · 25/08/2016 21:47

Not worth wasting your time worrying about it!!

mogloveseggs · 25/08/2016 21:53

Silly woman! Ignore her. I make big birthday cakes because we love birthday cake in our house, tastes so much nicer than regular cake Grin

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 25/08/2016 22:38

I'd take it as a compliment that your cake making skills are bloody good and so much so that it made this other mum feel insecure about a) her own (lack of) cake making ability and b) how much she is spending each year for her dc's cake and yet it's still not the ultimate best cake/getting the most noticed.

I realised a while ago that someone who I had thought was a nice normal person actually is incredibly put out by my various abilities bcos she just compares it to herself and realises she is no where near as good as me. Once i realised that's what he thought process was I actively use her lack of compliments/digs to congratulate myself on what an amazing job I've done. And totally go OTT with her about how pleased I am with how it all turned out. I have an internal giggle at how much more sour her face looks.

MolesBreathless · 25/08/2016 23:03

We really do need to see a picture now Smile

Bluechip · 25/08/2016 23:11

Well done on your massive fabulous cake OP Cake

It was a nasty bitchy comment but tbh I'm more Hmm at your friend passing it on. An idle bitchy comment from an acquaintance who is clearly just jealous of your cake making skills wasn't something you needed to hear and its made you feel bad.

Shona52 · 26/08/2016 06:37

It means you did a good job. I love making my DS birthday cakes. Enjoy making them as they are special! And don't let anyone stop you

londonrach · 26/08/2016 06:41

Yabu op!!!! I only read all 4 pages so i could see the cake. Pictures would be lovely. Agree with everyone shes jealous of your skills. X

Wrenniecat1970 · 26/08/2016 09:38

Never seen the point of small / underwhelming birthday cake myself. The comment was nasty and uncalled for.....
Incidentally, had your cake been small and underwhelming she would have probably commented on that too.

Doman · 26/08/2016 09:42

There is no such thing as a cake that's too big.
Good on you, and I suggest you make a special one next year just to push her face into!

Anniegetyourgun · 26/08/2016 09:53

If the only thing she could find to be rude about was the size, you've obviously got the whole cake making thing properly nailed.

pollymere · 26/08/2016 10:30

My daughter's cakes have ranged from Spongebob to a simple slab cake topped with Haribo. Last one was a unicorn on a trampoline. All made by me. I've never had anyone accuse me of showing off, she sounds horrible and very jealous. A birthday cake is usually chosen by the child so is she accusing your child of being showy? Hopefully her child has better manners.

ItsABanana · 26/08/2016 11:54

Jealousy. Definitely, especially as you say she's someone who pays out a fortune for elaborate cakes, so obviously wishes she could do the same type of thing herself!
Oh, and your friend's lovely for telling you. Not. Hmm
I'd be rolling my eyes and going for full on castle type thing with turrets and flags next year to REALLY pee her off. Grin

RhodaBorrocks · 26/08/2016 12:12

She's jealous that she has to fork out money for something you have the skills to make yourself.

I'm by no means amazing at cakes, but they're passable. My friends are complimentary, but I've had some seriously back handed compliments from school mums at DS's parties over the years. Along the lines of "Wow that's amazing, who made it? Oh you did? Why didn't you just buy one and save yourself some hassle?" Makes me think are they actually shit and my friends, family and colleagues are just being nice?

Oh well, they taste good!

Funnily enough one good friend is a very successful local cake maker and when I want absolute perfection I go to her. The same school mums who've made comments about my cakes have then said I should go into business to undercut her as she charges too much, not knowing that 1. she's a friend, and 2. because I've always been loyal and willing to pay full price she gives me mates rates. And she has crazy skills, I wouldn't dare compete!

LifeInJeneral · 26/08/2016 12:16

Yeah this implies that there is such a thing as "too much cake" which is a concept that I just can't get on board with.
If you need any help with leftovers....

LagunaBubbles · 26/08/2016 12:36

She sounds jealous, I started pretty much like you baking for my kids, I love decorating cakes now as a hobby.

But this The lovely lady paid someone over £100 recently for a pink princess castle cake. £100!!! Ridiculous!!!

£100 isnt ridiculous for a big professional cake at all. People seriously underestimate not only the money for ingredients but the time taken to do these type of cakes, and the decorations. I only do it as a hobby so can only charge for ingredients but a big castle cake is very time consuming. Thats why I love being able to make and decorate cakes for friends and family, I wouldn't be able to pay the prices these cakes cost!

MinonsMovie · 26/08/2016 13:23

I agree about the ridiculous comment.

Cakes cost a lot to buy because they cost a lot to make. It's not like caker whips it up in half an hour and starts counting their cash.

If OP counted their time even at minimum wage, plus equipment and ingredients it might be interesting to work out what she would have had to charge herself for the cake she created.

I always find it awkward when people pass comment on how other people spend their own money. You could say the same about lots of things, but why would you.

You only risk either appearing bitter that you can't, or smug that you won't. Hmm

I also can't help but wonder if there's more than this isolated comment - otherwise why would your best friend even mention it. What was that going to achieve? Does she want you to dislike this woman.

Do you already dislike her because of her ridiculous cake spending habits? Wink

biggles50 · 26/08/2016 14:46

Hoping it was a joke on her part that got lost in translation along the way.

bibbetybobbetybooo · 26/08/2016 18:42

Ok - hold my hands up to the Ridiculous comment. I know how long to make and how costly cakes are - I personally wouldn't spend that much on a cake. That's why I taught myself how to do it, but I suppose if you don't have the natural inclination/skills and the time, then fair enough!

The lady who made the comment isn't really someone I've had a anything to do with much. She's a mum of a new school friend, so various parties has really only been the times that I've seen her. I don't generally involve myself in school gate friendships/stuff, so a general 'hello' has been about as far as its got!

My friend who told me is my best friend. The woman just randomly said it to her and I think she told me in order to let me know what a strange/not very nice person she was being.

I couldn't really care less anymore! My son got the cake he wanted and I got to challenge myself. It just upset/angered me at the time.

And. No! You can NEVER have enough cake!

bibbetybobbetybooo · 26/08/2016 18:46

MinionsMovie - fair comment. If I costed up my cake, it'd be around £76 for minimum wage/ingredients. I stand very much corrected Smile

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