To book a holiday even though we're in debt?

[HalalPork]

We haven't been away at all this year or last year. The year before our lovely ILs took us away for the week (not abroad).

We've had a really tough time over the past couple of years, illness, job loss, general stresses. We've never done a foreign beach type holiday.

From a quick browse it looks as though we could book a villa with a pool for next year for a couple of grand. This amounts to four months roughly of credit card repayments at the current rate we're clearing it (all 0%).

Would this be mental? I'd like to give the kids the experience before they're too old to want to come with us (teenagers already).

We're not on the bones of our arse, Dh earns good money and all the bills etc are paid before we look at repayments, and we do still have some fun money, we're not sacrificing ourselves at the altar of debt.

Would it be madness at this point to stick another £2k or so on the credit card?

I cannot believe someone with that much debt would consider this!

I cannot believe someone with that much debt would consider this!

I dont think the OP is very well either which is a mad mix.

OP please go to Thomas Cook and look up the Matina Aparthotel on the island of Rhodes.

Brilliant sunshine, right next to the sea, two pools, daily maid service, great local restaurants and a kitchenette in the apartment.

I have had 5 amazing holidays there and I keep going back. Not grotty at all and very affordable.

Affordable is relative, Rhi...

No way, I'd be sick if I had that much debt, my kids would rememebr if we lost the house and had to go live in a hostel alright. The holiday not so much.
When I was a single mum we went on fun camping holidays that cost nothing usually near a water park or fun park.
I think we'd both have been quite bored on a beach holiday. Adventure is much more fun and won't bankrupt you.

No holiday abroad is affordable when you have 15 grand across credit cards and dont work!!

Why not go camping in the south of France near a really nice beach?

Sounds like it might be time for your DH to take away your credit cards, for your own (and his) good.

Can you process how entitled this sounds? You want a holiday in a nice private villa, where you don't have to share a room with the DC, or a pool with anyone. You wanted dresses, shoes, nice wines etc that ran up 10s of thousands of pounds of debt, which your poor DH is now working to pay off, meaning he's down £500 a month for years, and you are too unstable to do any paid work after running up that debt, leaving him to have to make all the sacrifices for you.

Even if you don't think the debt is a big deal (I mean, why would you, if it's not you who has to work to pay it off, or apparently sacrifice villa holidays), can you try and consider the pressure you're putting on your DH?

You seem unable to process this

Did you process the bit about the OP's mental health issues?

I genuinely don't know how the op sleeps at night, I'd be beside myself with worry, not booking a swanky, unnecessarily expensive holiday.

Aye. The op has serious mental health issues which have been going on for a long time now.

There is massive back story here. Give the poor woman a break. Her husband hasn't really made any sacrifices.

Can you say, hand on heart, that this spending isn't part of a manic episode?

There is massive back story here. Give the poor woman a break. Her husband hasn't really made any sacrifices.

Yeah, I'm hoping that the more vicious replies come from people who haven't bothered to RTFT.

Yes, that's why I'm trying to get her to think about it a different way.

She obviously has issues with spending that means she's unable to process what being in 15k of debt means.

But that doesn't mean she can't try and think about stress, worries and pressure from her husband's point of view.

MH issues don't stop people considering other people we supposedly love and care about. MH issues don't have to equal "entirely selfish".

There is massive back story here. Give the poor woman a break. Her husband hasn't really made any sacrifices

He has made no sacrifices?? Really the OP plunges the family in to debt and wants to continue that while he works and pays off all of her debt plus god knows what else he does to suppirt the DC when the OP has 6 hospital admissions in 12 monrhs and hes made no sacrafices. Ok then.

Again, back story. As far as I remember, he didn't so much to discourage the spending and enjoyed the luxuries she bought. But now she has the role of the person with the problem, so all responsibility has been handed to her. As the mentally well person in the relationship he needs to take more responsive for it too.

Yes, that's why I'm trying to get her to think about it a different way

Realistically, do you think that's likely to be effective, given that the professionals involved in her case seemingly haven't yet managed that?

Actually i will leave this thread. I think i recognise you and was on your thread yesterday.
You were less than honest on that one and this is the same.
You need proper real life help OP and you will not find that here. You only want posts that validate your behaviour and all the time that is happening your dh and your children are the ones picking up the pieces.

I hope you come through this.

It's insulting to people who have MH issues to imply that this is how anyone would behave.

Plenty of people have MH issues and wouldn't dream of doing this.

Plenty of people have no MH issues and would happily spend the money their spouse has worked hard for on luxury and unnecessary stuff for themselves.

There are hundreds of threads on here where men (who sometimes have MH issues so don't work) are described as cocklodgers for doing this to their DW/DP who is busting a gut trying to keep them afloat. It's not right to just excuse it in this case because it's a woman.

We're not. But compulsive behaviour and spending is symptomatic of her particular illness.

YANBU to want to go on holiday, but YABU to be wanting to spend £2000 you don't have.

You can go abroad for a lot less than £2000. I've just looked online for places during October half term. Some things which came up:
-House on the seafront in Aquitaine, France (AirBnB). 2 bedrooms + 2 sofa beds. £314 for the week. Plus £95 to take a carload of people on a ferry (this assumes you have a car though). That totals £409 - less than 1/4 of 2k.
-3 bedroom apartment in Timisoara, Romania (AirBnB): £189 for the week, plus £216 for 5 adults on Ryanair. Total £405 - again less than 1/4 of 2k.

You could also look on house sitting websites. You get free accommodation in return for looking after someone's pets while they're on holiday. Your dates are obviously limited by when others are on holiday, but right now looking at October I can see places in Germany, France, Spain and Italy amongst others.

HOWEVER... as an alternative, I would suggest waiting until you've paid off your debts and saved up 2-3k and then going on the holiday you really want in a few years time. I would have bitten my mum's hand off if she'd offered to take me abroad while I was a broke student.

Please, OP, whatever you do: get holiday insurance which covers your MH issues. Because otherwise you could become ill, maybe hospitalised, and lose all the money you've paid as a consequence

I'm not saying she should buy a holiday. In part because I think this impulse may be a symptom of a relapse. I just don't think vilification is helpful.

It's insulting to people who have MH issues to imply that this is how anyone would behave

Where was that said/implied?

Fuck it just do it.