To book a holiday even though we're in debt?

[HalalPork]

We haven't been away at all this year or last year. The year before our lovely ILs took us away for the week (not abroad).

We've had a really tough time over the past couple of years, illness, job loss, general stresses. We've never done a foreign beach type holiday.

From a quick browse it looks as though we could book a villa with a pool for next year for a couple of grand. This amounts to four months roughly of credit card repayments at the current rate we're clearing it (all 0%).

Would this be mental? I'd like to give the kids the experience before they're too old to want to come with us (teenagers already).

We're not on the bones of our arse, Dh earns good money and all the bills etc are paid before we look at repayments, and we do still have some fun money, we're not sacrificing ourselves at the altar of debt.

Would it be madness at this point to stick another £2k or so on the credit card?

Dick

Why do people bother name changing for anonymity, when you immediately get several self important posters wagging their fingers at the rest for being unaware of the massive backstory?

Is op busy pm'ing her friends, or what?

Presumably if you want the backstory to colour people's opinions you don't hide behind a name change in the first place?

*I don't want to have to share a room with the kids in a hotel.

I don't want to stay in a gritty apartment with a shared pool, I did those holidays in my pre DC days.

I dream of a private villa with a pool, days on the nearby beach and excursions to historical towns. We've never done it and I'd like to before the kids lose interest in spending time with us.

But maybe it's a pipe dream. The debt is well under 25% of income by the way.*

I get that but most of us cant afford to do that when we have debts. My kids didnt go abroad until this year (14 & 11) I couldnt afford it, by the time we got passposts, luggage, clothes etc never mind the holiday. We had holidays in Uk in various places all self catering and I saved like mad to pay for them first before going. And we didnt go for a private villa either, we got an appartment (inc bfast) in a hotel complex with a shared pool which was fab, never too busy, staff were lovely.

Only reason we went this year was I sold my house and after paying off all the debts and putting some away for a rainy day I had money left over. I would never have dreamed of going until I was debt free (left to cope with mortgage and with someone elses debts after split)

Its up to you of course but to add to your debts by thousands just for a couple of weeks? What happens if you have a major bill unexpectedly when you come home? Wouldnt it be better to either pay more debt off or save the £250 you have extra for that possibility. Its just what I would do as I hated having debts hanging over me and juggling everything to pay them off.

There are lots of things we would all love to do but doesnt mean we can do them 'right now'.

It's insulting to people who have MH issues to imply that this is how anyone would behave. Plenty of people have MH issues and wouldn't dream of doing this.

That's unfair... every mental health issue affects judgement in some way. It wouldn't be a MH illness if that weren't true. Manic illness makes people over optimistic about what they can take on, for instance.

It isn't self important to give context.

If someone can find me a cheaper week away in school holidays (that isn't camping or a caravan) I'd certainly be interested

We are going to the Centerparcs in the Loire Valley, Bois des Daims, for May half term next year. 400e fo nights for 4 so probably would set you back less than 1000e for 7 nights for 5. It's really nice and you'd be eating at home regardless so i never count food into the cost of a SC holiday

I had serious mh issues when younger and racked up debt, mainly in the search for something to make me feel better. None of it did, not a holiday, none of the material things. What did was cbt and meds.

Since then I cleared my debt and won't consider a credit card, loan or overdraft.

Please put the £250 you're saving on the mortgage a month towards clearing that debt. It terrifies me just reading about it. Also you say you still have fun money each month, put that towards it too. Think how amazing it would be to clear that debt by taking control and then save up for a holiday.

Yes but nor should we label everything like this as being a MH issue beyond the person's control.

Sometimes it's just good old-fashioned selfishness. Maybe not in the OP's case (since posters keep hinting at a backstory), but sometimes, that's all it is: "I want. Now. So I should have. The consequences won't be mine, so why shouldn't I have exactly what I want? Someone else can fix it." (whether that's a holiday, a car, drugs, expensive gadgets, an affair, whatever).

Mental health issues can be completely unrelated or non-existent.

Really there are 2 answers here:

1- OP - there are obviously some issues here surrounding money and spending. £15k is a decent amount of debt, and personally I'd compromise and put £1k towards the debt and £1k on a holiday. You can get a lovely gite in France with private pool etc for less than that. Perhaps you've developed a warped judgement on debt and spending - but as mentioned by someone else, this compartmentalising money and debts is not overly sensible.

2 - do whatever you want. Most will think it's ridiculous to have a decent amount of CC debt - then spunk another £2k (and more, let's be honest - activities/clothes/spending money) on a holiday. But it's your and your DHs decision ultimately.

Do you have someone trustworthy, honest and impartial you can talk to?

Could your medication for the manic & depressive episodes be sending you a bit manic again?
I think it would be folly to put more debt on to your existing debt.
Clear it.
You could very quickly save for a decent week away. We're in a seaside cottage that sleeps 6 in the UK for £1k. The weather has been great and I've been in the sea twice today.
Could you check how much travel insurance would be for you?

OP from experience, I would above much rather go on holiday with my parents when I was a little bit older, I would have hated to go when I was 16/17 but would love to now! (Mid 20s) obviously i don't know your children but maybe something to ponder to stop you feeling so bad about not taking them abroad. My parents have never taken me, but we had some lovely camping holidays. Whilst it maybe would have been nice to go abroad I have never thought bad of them for it!

Also, I think you need to change this mindset, otherwise it will be really hard to get rid of this debt. You have to really want to change your lifestyle. There will always always be another thing to bung on the card. Temptation is everywhere you look. Get an emergency fund saved and then cut it up. I agree that lots of people have debt considerably more than 15k, but it's a slippery slope and can accumulate quickly. Get rid of it then life within your means and save for a holiday. Maybe in the short term go somewhere for a couple of days out of peak season. Do you have any relatives houses away from home you can crash at? My grandparents live in a lovely part of the country, my husband and I are going to stay there for a few days and will do some things separate from them. In fact, next year they are going away and we are going to stay at there's for a whole week! A weeks holiday for free don't know if this is possible for you.

Debt is robbing your future self. Holidays are great, but worrying about money just isn't worth it.

I had one eurocamp foreign holiday in France as a child/teenager. We also holidayed in the UK - I have very fond memories of these trips and don't feel I missed out. YANBU to want a holiday but look at cheaper holidays in the UK. Your family isn't missing out.

A week in a caravan won't scratch the itch.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't be convinced that your planned fortnight in a villa abroad will scratch the itch either - and you'll come back feeling equally unfulfilled but thousands further in debt.

I'm no mental health expert, but you do need to consider the possibility that there isn't a holiday on the planet which will meet the demands imposed by your mental health condition. Your children will cope just fine without a holiday abroad, but they are likely to be incredibly stressed by the prospect of not having money for food or clothing.

The 15k debt is only manageable if you don't add to it. If you are really unwilling to use the mortgage gain to pay down the debt, then save the money in a limited-access ISA. In ten months you'll have £2500 to pay for a holiday outright.

So you got into debt before by buying things you didn't need but now 'measures are in place'. But they're not are they because here you are doing it again? No matter that it was MH issues that got you into this previously, the outcome is the same - just more debt. I would never put a holiday on a credit card. A week or two of fun then you're paying it off for ages and nothing to show for it except maybe a suntan. And you are still in debt long after your tan fades. Madness!

How is this not goady? The name alone 'halalpork' then going on about being in debt but wanting to go away but the thought of Sharing a room with her kids is unthinkable apparently..

Didn't realise how many pages there was before I posted oops. Oh well

AyeAmarok it's pretty clear even just from what the OP has said on this thread alone that bipolar disorder is involved here. Hypomanic spending is a fairly common manifestation of the manic phase of bipolar. I appreciate that if you're not familiar with this particular mental illness, you might not have been aware of that, but you are now.

So yes, selfishness can be involved in cases of general overspending but it's been spelled out more than once that that's not the case here, so it's not particularly relevant or helpful to keep banging on about it on this thread.

But once it's pointed out to you that what you are suggesting isn't fair or reasonable, and is quite selfish, by hundreds of posters, then even if you can't get to that decision yourself, you would hopefully accept that is how it appears to people who don't have bipolar/depression (or do but can still see it's not wise), and not do it.

Surely that's the point of posting? So you can see what other people think and they can explain why it's not right to do this? Take their opinions on board and not book the holiday on this current whim.

Due to OP mental illness (bipolar) adding more debt to her cards should actually not be allowed, unless her bank hasn't been informed of the diagnosis.

Quite a few banks will stop spending like this in the case of those with biopolar disorder Incase they're 'manic spending' they often contact you to confirm the spending. Once again this is only in the case of those informed and banks willing to this eg Barclays

Ok, a few things.

I've already said I'm not booking anything.

I have always worked until the last couple of years. During my big hypomanic episode I was working. I had a vastly overrated idea of my earning capacity and made some decisions that when I look back seem insane (!). Dh had no responsibility for finances or organisation at that point so had no idea we were in debt, he had no reason to disbelieve my delusions of huge bonuses and promotions.

After a few months I crashed into a suicidal depression. I've been up and down since then with a few more minor manic periods but mainly depression.

It's not like I've racked up a huge debt and now expect Dh to pay it. I actually probably contribute as much as I always did if you consider we don't need childcare now as I get ESA and PIP. So I do resent being told I'm a female cocklodger.

I don't feel as though I'm heading for any kind of relapse, if this was manic spending I'd have booked it by now, it doesn't tend to include any kind of forethought.

I don't think it is a relapse either - but I do think your bipolar is affecting how you see that money, it feels much more "yours" than it really is, your debt seems much smaller. I also know that this won't resonate much because of that - can you tell I have lots of family with bipolar?!

A holiday is a bad idea at the moment, and that's rough, but it sounds like you're on your way to paying the debt off. If it's any consolation, my DP is 27 and we holiday with his parents every year. 18 doesn't mean he won't want to be with you anymore! And it'll be much more enjoyable debt free.

Holidays are not essential, they are a luxury. Post divorce, 5yrs ago, I've had 2x long weekends in Paris (off peak season, cheap Eurostar tickets) and two other weekends away with friends to festivals. If I was in debt I would not have had those, but I'm not in debt and they were within my budget - money I had SAVED.

Your thinking is disordered - if you do not have the money for a luxury then you don't buy it.

OP I hope you are well and continue to be so. It sounds like you had a pretty rough patch.

My DH and I recently went kayaking somewhere local in the moonlight. It wasn't expensive and was only 4 hrs but we had a better time and felt more privileged than on our 2 week sun holiday a few weeks previous. Sometimes a bit of peace and quiet, somewhere beautiful is all you need to refresh. Look for something cheap to do as a family that can be a new experience. Get your debt cleared. Get better and back to work and in a few years you can go back to sun holidays. Facebook probably makes you think you are missing more than you actually are.

OP, I am glad you are feeling good now. My dad has bi polar, he used to do a lot of the spending spree stuff- has got through a lot of his retirement money already! It does seem better to start saving the money now and go in 18 months or so when all is much more under control financially. Well, you did ask!

If I were you op, I would give yourself a target in terms of saving up towards a holiday to give you something to focus on. Okay, it take 18 months rather than twelve but you'll feel better for it. Good luck