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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for the takeaway?

84 replies

boozysuzy16 · 22/08/2016 19:42

DH has a lot of friends that visit us. We live very near a motorway that leads to a holiday destination in the UK so in the summer we have a lot of people 'dropping in'. I am heavily pregnant and with a toddler, DH works full time so we haven't wanted to cook for these people so takeaways have been suggested. Except that now I've realised in August alone we spent £300 on takeaways for people visiting, DH always goes to get them with those staying and it seems pays for them. He says its our house so we should be paying. I think we should go splits as they are dropping in on us, asking to pop in and we haven't specifically invited them. We don't go to their houses as with young DC we are never in the area and they never invite us. AIBU?

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 22/08/2016 19:43

See I would say your guests so you pay but if they are turning up uninvited, absolutely they should go in halfs

ohohohitsmagic · 22/08/2016 19:44

I think it depends. If you are inviting them then you should be providing food, if they are using you as a drop in I think they should be offering to do somethinf

AbyssinianBanana · 22/08/2016 19:46

They should be paying for all of it. You're doing them a favour and I'm sure a hotel would cost them more.

Rab19 · 22/08/2016 19:46

If your "guests" are dropping in to break up their holiday journey, or uninvited, then sherry should be paying or at least going halfsies!!! That's a bit rude!

Rab19 · 22/08/2016 19:47

surely 😞

Missgraeme · 22/08/2016 19:47

Maybe put a sign up in your window 'The Pre Holiday Inn' and a per visit charge? No wonder your dh has loads of friends!

HicDraconis · 22/08/2016 19:49

If they are dropping in on you to break the journey up, but not invited then they should be bringing the takeaway with them for all of you! You're doing them a favour - providing somewhere nice to stop for a while - so they should bring the food.

If you invite them over for dinner, then you should pay.

Arfarfanarf · 22/08/2016 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocomochi · 22/08/2016 19:51

They should be at least offer to pay half or even all of it if they are "dropping in" and staying so late to expect to be fed too! Even though I'm not pregnant (have two DCs), I'd find it difficult to rustle something up for everyone!

tofutti · 22/08/2016 19:51

They're not 'friends' if they let you guys pay.

There's no way I'd let you pay.

harderandharder2breathe · 22/08/2016 19:53

You're doing them a favour letting them stay, they should buy the takeaway

Original poster
boozysuzy16 · 22/08/2016 19:53

No they are people who say 'Hi DH we are on our way to xxxxxx on xxxxxx. Can we pop in? (conveniently around dinner time)'.

DH is a sucker and often says 'do you want to stay?' (he doesn't have much male company locally and is often desperate for it) and of course they want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
boozysuzy16 · 22/08/2016 19:54

I would say it will be stopping when DC2 arrives but then will come the people coming to visit DC2 who will expect feeding etc. I say 'we are not cooking' to which DH takes this as 'We will get a takeaway'. Grrrrr.

OP posts:
RaeSkywalker · 22/08/2016 19:56

If I was staying at a friend's house (and staying there was essentially a favour to me), I would want to buy their dinner for them.

CodyKing · 22/08/2016 19:59

Yes these visitors should offer to pay - even on us next time - type arrangement - do they provide drinks?

Do they actually stay over?

ImperialBlether · 22/08/2016 19:59

Surely he can see it's ridiculous that he's just spent £300 on takeaways!

If he wants to carry on doing it, then I'd say provide sandwiches and that's it. Or tell them to come after dinner. They're just taking advantage.

RumAppleGinger · 22/08/2016 20:01

On the couple of occasions I have stayed with friends on route to somewhere else we have arrived armed with a bottle of thank you gin and paid for a takeaway.

I think it's different if you have invited guests who are coming specifically to see you. But if you are doing people a favour by letting them stay with you when they would otherwise have to spend money on a hotel it's the very least they can do to show their thanks.

purplefox · 22/08/2016 20:03

Just don't feed them if its becoming an issue, tell them you've already eaten. Spending £300 on feeding people who are using you as an alternative to a motorway service station is ridiculous.

Lweji · 22/08/2016 20:06

Can he tell them you have no food in the house and can they take food on the way in?

Do they ever offer to pay? If so, does your OH insist on paying?

Do they stop on the way back too?

chocomochi · 22/08/2016 20:07

Didn't realise they were staying too! They should definitely pay if they are staying overnight too.

ohohohitsmagic · 22/08/2016 20:11

I've had people to stay before and have spent money on nice wine, made three courses from scratch, got stuff in for cocktails and made a full English in the morning and when we've been to stay with them (invited) it's become clear that they are expecting us to pay for half of the takeaway which really fucks me off.

Ragwort · 22/08/2016 20:11

Can you afford it?

If they are your DH's friends and he enjoys seeing them, perhaps he enjoys treating them as well? You say he is 'desperate' for male company so perhaps it is important that he keeps up these contacts.

Perhaps they are offering to go halves and he is the one saying 'no, lovely to see you mate, let me treat you' or whatever Grin

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 22/08/2016 20:12

Drop in guests pay for take-away. No argument.

PlotterOfPlots · 22/08/2016 20:13

YANBU.

If one of you said "fancy going halves on a takeaway tonight?" I bet your guests would by and large be happy to do that.

Another option if your DH really insists is trade down to the big deli pizzas in Asda. They are great value if you have one nearby.

Lilaclily · 22/08/2016 20:13

This is bizarre, no one I know would just rock up unannounced and then eat a takeaway without offering to pay, is your dh very laid back or something?