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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who pays for the takeaway?

84 replies

boozysuzy16 · 22/08/2016 19:42

DH has a lot of friends that visit us. We live very near a motorway that leads to a holiday destination in the UK so in the summer we have a lot of people 'dropping in'. I am heavily pregnant and with a toddler, DH works full time so we haven't wanted to cook for these people so takeaways have been suggested. Except that now I've realised in August alone we spent £300 on takeaways for people visiting, DH always goes to get them with those staying and it seems pays for them. He says its our house so we should be paying. I think we should go splits as they are dropping in on us, asking to pop in and we haven't specifically invited them. We don't go to their houses as with young DC we are never in the area and they never invite us. AIBU?

OP posts:
PlotterOfPlots · 22/08/2016 20:14

Or "fab you're coming, it'll be great to see you. Can you pick up some pizzas on your way?"

Crisscrosscranky · 22/08/2016 20:15

Who suggests the takeaway? Why do you get a takeaway? Lasagne/Spag bol and garlic bread or chilli and jacket potatoes would cost less than £10 for 6 people and you could ask them to bring a bottle on their way.

MLGs · 22/08/2016 20:15

Drop in guests should definitely pay (different if you've invited them to visit obviously).

I wouldn't let your DH pay, I would insist.

shiteattheseaside · 22/08/2016 20:16

You are alowing them to drop in free of charge (obviously not that u wpuld charge!) But they should definitely pay atleast halfs!!! Yanbu at all they are taking the mick

MillionToOneChances · 22/08/2016 20:17

Sounds to me like your DH offers/insists on paying.

LuluJakey1 · 22/08/2016 20:18

Could they not just call in for a coffee and cake? No need to ask them all to stay. If DH asks them to stay he is sort of offering food. You'd hope they'd be nice enough to offer to pay for a takeaway but if they don't......

PlotterOfPlots · 22/08/2016 20:18

Crisscross i imagine at the end of a long week working FT and toddler wrangling, neither of them really fancy knocking up a lasagne on a Friday night. Fair dos.

Crisscrosscranky · 22/08/2016 20:18

Just seen it says in OP you don't want to cook - therefore YABU - either tell DH to stop inviting people (no-one would turn up uninvited for the night), pay for the takeaways or get in the kitchen - pregnancy and a toddler don't make cooking impossible (neither does a FT job Hmm)

Hereforthebeer · 22/08/2016 20:18

I bet they offer to pay when they go and pick it up - sounds like your DH is insisting?
I think if you persuade DH you will see that bill go down!

AgentProvocateur · 22/08/2016 20:19

Your DH is inviting them for dinner, so you should pay. However, if I was a guest, I'd insist on paying. (I know that's contrary Wink)

Crisscrosscranky · 22/08/2016 20:22

Plotter - it's only fair dos if they then don't complain about the cost of takeaways. Cooking for 6 is not really any harder than cooking for 6 so it sounds as though they would have spent money on takeaways regardless.

SummerSazz · 22/08/2016 20:22

We were the 'Droppers in' last weekend and we paid for the takeaway in full. Friends provided a bed a tea/toast for breakfast

ADishBestEatenCold · 22/08/2016 20:22

"'Hi DH we are on our way to xxxxxx on xxxxxx."

"DH is a sucker and often says 'do you want to stay?'"

Simply train your DH to say

"Yes, of course call in, but listen ... if your staying over ... bring a takeaway for dinner. Things are a bit hectic here, so I doubt we've got much in the way of food in."

YelloDraw · 22/08/2016 20:24

Yeah should at least go halves, but I agree with PP that 2x oven pizzas and a bag of salad would be cheaper and just as easy as a take away.

Lweji · 22/08/2016 20:24

Cooking for 6 is not really any harder than cooking for 6

So true. Wink

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 22/08/2016 20:25

We have friends halfway between here and a favourite holiday spot. They always ask us to pop in and stay over if we need to. We ALWAYS provide the takeaway and wine/beer as a thank you for their hospitality. They often do cooked breakfast/pastries and tea/coffee in the morning. I still think we're getting the better end of the deal. YANBU, your guests should be at the very least stumping up half!

Joolsy · 22/08/2016 20:25

Sorry, but sticking a few pizzas in the oven with some salad & garlic bread can't be that difficult. I certainly did that sort of thing when I was pregnant with DD2. Surely they give you enough notice for one of you to nip to the shop?

Crisscrosscranky · 22/08/2016 20:26

Grin Lweji it's been a long day working full time and coming home to parent and ironically I'm posting whilst cleaning kitchen after cooking for 4 not 6

LagunaBubbles · 22/08/2016 20:27

I to think your DH is insisting on paying, you might get some selfish people out there - and you do - but £300 of takeaways worth?

Rockingaround · 22/08/2016 20:30

I'd leisurely do a lasagne in the morning or something in the slow cooker with a bag of salad leaf to go with. Failing that id buy 4 tubs of fresh (lentil) soup with a huge bagguette and pour it all in a big pan, or quiche and salad .... None of that would be putting yourself out. My DH often invites people round to ours and he does cook, sometimes I really can't be arsed, more so with the tidying up afterwards. I get the impression they're more your DH's friends, are they sleeping over too? Christ then there's bloody towels and sheets that need washing urgh Angry spesh when you're pg! Tell your DH its pissing you off, you're shattered and you can't be bothered with anymore guests, failing that offer a cuppa and let the question of dinner fall to them Flowers

OlennasWimple · 22/08/2016 20:32

What should happen is that they turn up with something for you to say thank you for having them (wine, flowers type things). If you were cooking for them, you wouldn't expect them to pay for half the dinner ingredients, but when you say "I was thinking we would get a takeaway, do you want Chinese or Indian", they should offer to either go half or cover the whole lot (depending on how long they are staying, how many of them there are etc).

Then you can say "no, it's fine", or "thanks, it came to twenty quid each", depending on what is most appropriate at the time

HermioneWeasley · 22/08/2016 20:36

I think the takeaway vs cooking thing is a bit of a red herring - cooking for all these drop in guests will still be expensive and time consuming, plus cleaning up etc.

I think you'll just have to drop heavy hints when people invite themselves over.

Cabrinha · 22/08/2016 20:37

You say your husband doesn't have friends around?
Does he try to "buy" these visits do you think?

Because I'm really surprised that this happens so much.

Yeah, you'll get the occasional user, or just a nice person who accepts the treat and intends to do it back. But I think most people using your house would say "this is on me". So I think your husband is influencing this. Insisting?

Original poster
boozysuzy16 · 22/08/2016 20:40

I think DH might be telling people to put their money away, he's very fucking good at avoiding the subject. I have quizzed him a bit about this and shown him our bank statement. I have told him he's got to get cash out and agree to going 'halves' in future.

I am heavily pregnant and with a toddler and being in a hot kitchen makes me want to pass out. Toddler gets in the damn way and tries to get in cupboards/open oven doors/climbs on furniture. Trying to do that, clean our house and then make food for someone we only see when they go on holiday whilst hoisting my fat ass everywhere is too much. Though perhaps I might go to the supermarket and make a 'guests lasange' so in the event people come again we eat that.

OP posts:
chough · 22/08/2016 20:43

Seems strange that so many different people are ALL such "grabbers".
OP's DH does seem to be the common denominator here.