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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up with the "we are having a considerably better summer than yaou" that goes on on Facebook?

111 replies

Puzzledconfusedandbewildered · 22/08/2016 16:47

I know the answer is to delete Facebook but it's like a car accident I can't turn away from.

All summer it's been like one long competition of who can do the most fun things with their children and who can squeeze in the most days out. It's like I'm stuck in one of those sickening mummy blogs and can't find an exit to run away screaming from it all. So I await you all telling me IABU even though my tongue is firmly in my cheek about it all

OP posts:

Rifleponyandme · 22/08/2016 23:45

dodobookends · 23/08/2016 00:14

Horizons and MaQueen it's the adult dd of someone I worked with about 5 years ago and her stuff only crops up on my feed because her mum (who is my friend) comments on the photos.

I like a scenic holiday snap as much as anyone, but I do tend to draw the line at a picture of an open suitcase mid-pack!

Inthepalemoonlight · 23/08/2016 00:14

They probably are having a better time than some people on this thread. They are just enjoying themselves whereas you are sitting getting angry with their nice pictures. Of course photos only capture moments. That's the point of them. They capture moments.
I put pictures on my Facebook. They aren't meant to be an autobiography. I'm not trying to give my life story and pretend everything is perfect. I'm just saying 'here's my baby. He smiled today'.

dodobookends · 23/08/2016 00:23

I can think of better pictures to put on FB than a half-packed suitcase

TheStoic · 23/08/2016 02:33

I love seeing my friends have a good time. I love seeing their photos of travelling and other fun times, and often live vicariously through them when I'm stuck at my desk.

avamiah · 23/08/2016 03:12

totalrecall1,
If your DP made those comments to you, then in my opinion you must tell everybody your business including total strangers.
I think he is just looking out for you.

EttaJ · 23/08/2016 03:24

hesmylobster I think exactly that!

We live in a holiday destination. It is an amazing place and we know how lucky we are. Real friends and family are happy to see our photos and when visitors come , their f & f like to see what's going on . When we moved here the reactions from some people were just nasty. I love seeing peoples photos and what they are getting up to. Sad that I can tell who does like to see us happy and doing well and who clearly doesn't. If they're not happy with their own lives, they'll never be happy for anyone else.

KERALA1 · 23/08/2016 03:36

I love seeing people's holiday pics - one friend went to a really interesting place lovely pictures enjoyed seeing. Don't really get this thread.

GarlicMistake · 23/08/2016 03:52

brother asked me why I bothered if nobody knew about it

Good grief! Is showing off the only motive for doing things that he can understand? Does his partner know??

I'm enjoying everyone's holiday & activity photos. I click through the whole album and look at them properly. I'm doing fuck all as usual, so it's vicarious pleasure for me :)

LollyMcLolface · 23/08/2016 04:23

I used to be on fb and would post whole holiday albums, the odd update etc but have been off it for about 2 years and I don't miss it. Like pp, I know plenty of people who use it to construct an image of themselves and their lives that is false. It's a PR exercise for a lot of people, I think. Not because they want to trick people but because they feel validated by likes and comments. Everything goes on fb because if they don't share it, it didn't happen. I know when I was at uni and fb was gaining momentum people used to take photos of every night out and post them. Even if it was just one photo in the local pub, everything had to be captured and shared because if it wasn't, your fb friends might think you were sat at home. I think for me that's the worst aspect.

DP posts about 2 photos a year. We have friends who post everything their child does. I think if you are someone who regularly updates then you perhaps feel you have to update everything of any note because people come to expect everything to be shared. So you feel you have to share a photo every time you go to the beach, park, whatever, because if you didn't it would seem like you hadn't done anything that day and must have a boring life.

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/08/2016 05:52

Of course FB is full of people's high days and holidays. That's what it's all about.

You're foolish if you let yourself compare your every day to their highlights.

Surely everyone knows what FB is about, and how people use it, by now.

Genuinely - don't let other people's 'amazing' lives make you feel bad.

KERALA1 · 23/08/2016 05:54

Read "the circle" by Dave eggars. Facebook taken to its logical conclusion. Terrifying,

totalrecall1 · 23/08/2016 05:55

Avamiah - don't really know what you mean. I don't have any total strangers on my Facebook? My point is more that I don't show the same pictures as everyone else does in case people (like some on here) think I am showing off when in fact I am just taking the same picture of my kids party as anyone else would be. It just happens to be in a bigger house/garden. When I see pictures of people having a good time it doesn't bother me, but clearly it does bother some people

BroomhildaVonShaft · 23/08/2016 06:03

Do people really think that other people do stuff and photograph it with the aim of boasting on Facebook and making other people feel bad? How weird.
Some people post too much in my view but the only reason it's too much is because 30+ photos of an event is boring and you only need to post once during a day out not once an hour. But I don't believe they are doing it to be boastful or obnoxious. Just scroll past things that don't interest you! And if you let other people's Facebook make you feel bad about your summer/life well...you've got bigger problems than Facebook

FreshHorizons · 23/08/2016 06:23

dodobookends - if it just in there because a friend comments just scroll on down- you don't have to look at it! I have a couple of friends who post lots that is political but I couldn't tell you what most of it is about - I just scroll on down.i don't hide them because they also post things that interest me.
I post my holidays because I have people who do really want to see them and it saves sending post cards. If the rest don't want to see them they don't have to look, or even be a friend on there.
People ought to realise that FB is a showcase for the best bits- the edited bits that people want to show. It is not done to boast, or upset others. (Or not normally) If they don't post the highlights of their life then what is the point in posting anything?

SabineUndine · 23/08/2016 06:35

I closed my first FB account cos I was sick of people bragging on it. I don't use my new account much, and I'm very choosy about who I friend on it

KeyserSophie · 23/08/2016 06:48

It's odd that people forget that in order to be likeable by way of a social media presence one has to be fallible. It's therefore important to intersperse "Yay me" posts with "FML" posts (these must be humourous though- not attention seeking "Today I really know who my friends are" comments). I recommend a ratio of 2:1 in favour of the latter.

It's a tricky balance, but, ya know, you are what you tweet.

redexpat · 23/08/2016 06:50

These threads always make me appreciate my FB friends, and the fact that I have the wherewithal to understand how Facebook works.

Bee182814 · 23/08/2016 06:53

I don't really get it either... If I'm out for the day with my family for the day I'm not on Facebook. It seems that every time people do something with their kids it has to go on Facebook to prove to the world that they've done it...for me I would much rather get on with enjoying the moment.

phillipp · 23/08/2016 06:55

I am in the 'why is it a competition?' Camp with this one.

I post the stuff we do on Facebook. Mainly because pils live so far away they don't get to see what the kids are up to. And also because that's what Facebook is there for.

I don't post the crap that's going on as that's more private. This summer holiday i have been seriously ill and awaiting results. To post that on Facebook would just feel like attention seeking and a bunch of people i don't want knowing would know.

I am not competing with anyone.

phillipp · 23/08/2016 06:56

bee that doesn't make sense. You can enjoy the day, take photos and the. Post them later or the next day.

I post on Facebook, but don't go on Facebook during the day.

NashvilleQueen · 23/08/2016 07:01

People on here are really weird about FB. Ranges from outright snobbery ('and that's why I don't have it' to anyone who even slightly mentions it) to being very prescriptive about what should be posted.

For my own part I really hate people who moan all the time on FB, who make cryptic passive aggressive comments for attention and who complain about their children. I think the latter is really awful.

But seeing my friends and their children on holiday having fun - that's great. I love seeing the photos. I get ideas for places to go (or not go) and I am happy to see them happy. I had assumed that was a bit how friendship worked.

Yes I can see that it's a genuine human response to feel a bit sad or envious if they're having an amazing experience whilst you are at work or stuck at home but big grown up enough to accept that's your issue not theirs.

Finally, 'semi-naked children' - does that mean in swimming costumes by a pool or on a beach? Again, your issue. And a worrying one.

KeyserSophie · 23/08/2016 07:04

It seems that every time people do something with their kids it has to go on Facebook to prove to the world that they've done it.

This is a recognised phenomena. There's no "it seems" about it. It's to do with the fact that once you have a profile/platform it becomes an extension of you and therefore you feel the need to keep providing content (because we're all egotistical and assume people will "miss us" when in fact, when was the last time you actually searched a profile on FB rather than just read the newsfeed?"

I'm on a running forum where people are almost crying if they do a big run and their GPS watch doesnt record properly because it's as though it didnt happen if you didnt record it and put it on Strava. There was a time when I thought I was a bit weird for recording disances in excel .

Bee182814 · 23/08/2016 07:05

Philipp- yes I could.... But I dont feel the need to. I prefer to keep things private. I take photos and do lots of activities with my kids and maybe send them to close family on WhatsApp.

NashvilleQueen · 23/08/2016 07:11

That's entirely your choice Bee. Others make a different one. That's perfectly fine.

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