Long time lurker, first time poster
MIL is generally lovely. Very well-to-do, bit of a snob and name dropper but overall she is pretty cool, non-interfering and we get on well.
She is obsessive about thank you cards though. She sends me TY cards for her birthday presents each year. Every Xmas she emails DH (who is 33) with a reminder to do his TY cards and details of his presents (he comes from a large family, most live aboard). They have close family stay with them for Xmas, have done for 20 year. They always exchange TY cards for gifts a week later despite opening them in front of each other.
She'll never openly admit to it but she does judge people who don't send TY cards. She sent a wedding present and new baby present to a friend's son - never received a TY card and went on about it so much that her friend cooled the relationship with her for a while.
Anyway, my family are not TY card people. My dad's culture doesn't do them and my mum just never has.
When DH and I got married, my parents received millions of TY cards from her large family. MIL and FIL ALSO received loads of TY cards even though my family hosted the wedding and paid for pretty much all of it.
Anyway DH's brother recently got married and PILs invited my parents. They get on well (see each other once or twice a year) but it was mostly a political decision I think. PILs had very small numbers and couldn't invite certain groups without offending others etc. so my parents were a neutral option, very close by to the venue and could also have a hand in watching DS who is a toddler. My parents went and all was well but they didn't get a chance to say bye to PILs (busy wedding, they were taking DS home etc etc).
I mentioned to my mum that she should probably send PIL a card to say thanks. I said how ridiculous they are and they are too much with TY cards. in truth I'll admit that I thought MIL will probably be expecting one and that was the main reason for me suggesting it (of course, during a phone call last week MIL did mention how many lovely letters they've had about the wedding).
My mum knows how silly I find it all. She did say she'd planned to send one to the bride's parents but didn't think of sending one to PILs.
Anyway I mentioned it again a few days later and my mum hit the roof, saying she shouldn't have to send them a card, they are pathetic, have me wrapped round their finger and that she won't send one. It then spiralled into a huge row over how ridiculous my inlaws are and how I'm turning into one of them.
My dad, trying to be diplomatic, suggested an email saying something along the lines of it was nice to see them and they enjoyed themselves with no explicit thank you. But my mum won't even do that.
she didn't speak to me for 3 days! We've made up but I haven't broached the subject.
First world problem I know but is my mum right?