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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mocking Hearing Inpaired

417 replies

ShockMe · 20/08/2016 19:47

To be quite shocked that after a member of the public had posted that they had found a hearing aid and hoped to re-unite it with it's owner.. Our local school's SEN teacher commented 'Pardon?'

OP posts:
NeedAnotherGlass · 21/08/2016 16:15

NeedACleverNN I suggested that you reread those comments so you could gain a degree of insight and empathy as to WHY they find those comments offensive. The fact that you feel different to them is irrelevant. It's not about whether it is right and wrong to find it offensive, it's about whether it is acceptable to say it in the circumstances stated.
The fact that there are some hearing impaired people who find it funny and not offensive, does not make it acceptable, funny or non-offensive.

It is fine for you not to be annoyed or upset by it, but you cannot tell other people that they shouldn't be offended and that it is acceptable to make those kinds of jokes when there are clearly a large number of people who are upset by it. By reading posts like those, people can gain some understanding as to why they should not make jokes like this unless they know that whoever is the subject of it, will be ok with it.
Therefore a SEN teacher should not be making these kinds of comments on social media.

I am not personally offended by it, but I have empathy for others so it is obvious to me that it is an offensive thing to say.

It is VERY different in a loving family or friend environment for people to take the piss out of each other.

Boogers · 21/08/2016 16:17

*Four eyes and none of them work" is exactly the kind of thing I would say! Smile

NeedACleverNN · 21/08/2016 16:19

What about re-reading my comment where I said if they find it offensive that is their right to do so?

The way you posted above made it sound that no one should take it as a joke

DixieWishbone · 21/08/2016 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ShockMe · 21/08/2016 16:31

MrsDeVere I was only going on your post and what you had said. No one else's. I very much appreciate your comments along with everyone else's.

I don't think taking the piss out of someone's disability (and saying 'Pardon?' To a deaf person and laughing at them is taking the piss) should be happening anymore. Even if 50% of deaf people can cope/don't mind, in fact even if 90%. Some don't like it and it adds to the misery of an already isolating issue for them and I would like the 'hearing' community to get that message and stop doing it. And I too wonder why, in general, it is considered OK to do it when it is so socially unacceptable to mock any other disabilities. I know we don't live in an ideal world and to some people it is no big deal, but it bothers me, and I would be mortified if my DC did that 'joke' to a deaf person or child.

OP posts:
Boogers · 21/08/2016 16:40

Dixie yes, you're right. There is a difference, and it's also sometimes the context in which something is said. H can make light of my disabilities but I'd be very offended if someone I've known for two minutes said the same thing.

Olddear · 21/08/2016 16:48

A very good friend of mine wear hearing aids, we can have a bit of a laugh about her misunderstandings at times. We can do that because I know her very well. I wouldn't do it with anyone else. I really don't find this teacher funny at all.

FrancisCrawford · 21/08/2016 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeacupDrama · 21/08/2016 17:03

I don't find it offensive but boring and tedious and unfunny l have had impaired hearing since a child and hearing aids more recently

I'm 48 the pardon joke even twice a week is over a hundred times a year x 40 is over 4000 times and twice a week is probably a gross underestimation
However what is way more annoying is someone says something you ask them to repeat so they do so in a whisper and when you ask them please l didn't catch that they mumble it's not important

To be honest if someone who knows l have hearing problems deliberately makes sure l don't hear or whisper s in full view they go down a bit in my estimation

MrsDeVere · 21/08/2016 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedAnotherGlass · 21/08/2016 17:41

NeedACleverNN, I know that you said that it's ok for someone else to be offended, but you went on to say that neither of us are wrong. I wanted to clarify that whilst it is absolutely your prerogative to not be offended, that doesn't make the joke inoffensive.
It is still an unacceptable thing to say.
And I did make it clear that it is fine for you to not be upset by it.

FrancisCrawford · 21/08/2016 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sashh · 21/08/2016 17:49

We are taking about a permanent disability someone has.

Well that is debatable. I know Deaf people who would be far more offended that you described them as having a disability as they identify as a linguistic minority.

NeedACleverNN · 21/08/2016 17:51

What the hell is a linguistic minority?

I've never heard of that before

I see it as a disability because it does affect my every day life

If others choose not to that's there perrogative

FrancisCrawford · 21/08/2016 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buzzardbird · 21/08/2016 17:53

It would be nice if people could appreciate that we (the deaf) are not homogenious. I should not be expected to be anything more than I am. How I feel about my deafness is personal. I should not have to be proud and loud, that is not me. I am quiet and dignified...unless I have need to be otherwise.

Chippednailvarnishing · 21/08/2016 18:18

I assume you are referring your comments to me buzzard?
Your choice to treat your deafness as something to be embarrassed about. But if your finding it lonely, you may well in time come to realise that the only thing your "quiet and dignified" approach is doing is making yourself feel more isolated and excluded.

I'm guessing that you aren't in much contact with people who consider themselves members of the deaf community? We strive very hard to teach our children to have confidence and not be isolated by some sort of embarrassment that makes deafness something to be ashamed of. It's nothing to do with being loud and proud, it's about making sure deaf children in particular aren't excluded from "mainstream" life due to other peoples misconceptions.

The "linguistic minority" is in some ways an extension of this and whilst I personally consider deafness a disability, I can understand the reasoning that if everyone was deaf it would be the norm.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 21/08/2016 18:21

Lighten up, OP. It was a joke and not meant to be offensive.

Original poster
ShockMe · 21/08/2016 18:30

Delicate apart from the fact that deaf people here are saying very clearly that they do find that type of comment offensive, she is a SEN primary school teacher. How would you feel if she was working with your deaf 5 year old at school?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShockMe · 21/08/2016 18:31

And she posted her 'joke' on a community page. I think others have already clarified here that may be a disciplinary offence in her role for a good reason. It's not that funny is it?

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 21/08/2016 18:38

I am quiet and dignified...unless I have need to be otherwise.

Do you feel that D/deaf people who are more vocal in asserting their right/need for clear communication are in some way ... undignified?

I do find the use of the word 'dignity' in relation to what is being discussed quite puzzling. Confused

sashh · 21/08/2016 18:46

It would be nice if people could appreciate that we (the deaf) are not homogenious

I do and that's why I used Deaf not deaf. As in identifies as part of a community and a linguistic minority not as having a disability, not someone who cannot hear.

Many many people identify in different ways, you chose to identify as disabled, that doesn't invalidate someone who does not see themselves as disabled.

I have had some interesting discussions with a person with normal hearing but Deaf (BSL using) parents and wife who claimed to be Deaf as that was how he identified.

Something to consider, if we all knew a sign language would HI/deaf be a disability?

NeedACleverNN · 21/08/2016 18:51

Yes it would

Certain jobs need to be ruled out for example

I can't be receptionist. I can't hear people on the telephone.

I can't work in a busy pub or club. It's too noisy. Plus I can't sign anyway.

I would struggle in a factory that relies on instructions on the factory floor. If I knew what I was doing and left too it I'm fine

I found in school and college, that sometimes I can't even hear the fire alarm. This meant that I was a danger to myself if I was alone and the alarm went off

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 21/08/2016 19:02

I have had some interesting discussions with a person with normal hearing but Deaf (BSL using) parents and wife who claimed to be Deaf as that was how he identified

I know a few of those.

You tend to see them in academia. They say things like, "ideally this project should be Deaf led but although I'm audiologically hearing, I'm a CODA and therefore Deaf in my heart. "

My view: you can be "Deaf" in whatever body part you like mate, but as long as you're not deaf in your ears, then you're not Deaf.

NeedACleverNN · 21/08/2016 19:03

People actually identify as being deaf?! Confused

Why?!!