Mocking Hearing Inpaired

[ShockMe]

To be quite shocked that after a member of the public had posted that they had found a hearing aid and hoped to re-unite it with it's owner.. Our local school's SEN teacher commented 'Pardon?'

Because Chipped, I don't like people to see me as deaf first and a person second. I like to be dignified and not make a big thing out of my deafness, I quietly ask for a little understanding. The embarrassment is feeling like everyone is sharing a huge joke that I am not part of...this is what deafness is to me, personally.

I sometimes mock my dad for inventing nonsense phrases when he doesn't understand what someone says.
But for him, it's old age, so not something he's had to live with for a long time, and actually doesn't impact him that much in daily life.

I wouldn't do it with strangers.

Don't think this joke is the worst thing ever, but poor taste, yeah.

Sorry you feel like that Buzzard but that's ridiculous.
I'm deaf, it's who I am, I don't give a fuck what people think. If you see my deafness before you see me as a person you're a dick and it's not my problem.
Why on earth should anyone who is deaf need to be "dignified" about making sure they are able to communicate with someone? It's not making a "big thing" it's just ensuring that I am included it what is going on around me. I'm sorry but I don't think your embarrassment is going to help if you find it lonely.

My mum used to call me saucepan man if I fucked up a sentence really badly

My dad used to call me cloth ears. I think he meant it affectionately

It seems to be considered acceptable to bully people who've got a hearing loss in ways that people with other disabilities would never be bullied and to make puerile jokes about deafness.
^
This x100.

I'm deaf and the "joke" doesn't offend me. I've had it sooo many times, it just makes me roll my eyes. 🙄

I have often wondered though why deaf jokes seem acceptable but other jokes about various disabilities are not ok? Is it because most people lose their hearing at some point in their life?

MrsDeVere You did say that it's not an offensive thing to say. I appreciate that you think you can handle/put up with these comments (I am sad that you have to) but there are clearly people who do find these comments offensive and therefore shouldn't have to put up with them should they? If I drew attention to someone with a disfigured face or missing limbs or blindness etc in any situation it would be wrong. Why is commenting on the fact that someone is hard of hearing ok? Honestly I don't get it. It has been said it is an extremely isolating disability and siting in a 'hearing' gang (on social media or elsewhere) laughing about someone's inability to hear seems like a very offensive thing to me. Also for any 'Hearing' person to say it is ok is utterly irrelevant and unqualified.

I think context does matter. I'm slighly deaf and sometimes speak too loud without realising. A nurse in clinic told me to be quieter saying are you deaf or what? Her face fell when I told her I was a little deaf ( I work there and manage to cover it up quite a bit) but it really hurt.

I fucking hate being deaf. It's isolating, embarrassing and something that affects my life in a really negative fashion. When I have to tell people I'm hearing impaired, I always get the "What?" comment from some prick, thinking they're so witty and original - in return, I roll my eyes and mentally assign them to the tosser pile.

Coming from a SEN teacher, it's pretty shit.

Oh, I love it when you can pull someone up like that and watch them squirm Head - don't feel hurt. Hopefully she'll learn from it.

I'm deaf in one ear, I admit I laughed out loud when I read the OP.
Did you really? Did you really find it SO funny that you actually laughed out loud?
And just because you found it funny, does that mean that it is acceptable to make jokes about any random deaf people?
Is it funny in the context that a person has lost their disability aid?

If you find it funny or don't think it's offensive that is your prerogative, but that doesn't mean that it isn't offensive and inappropriate.

It seems to be considered acceptable to bully people who've got a hearing loss in ways that people with other disabilities would never be bullied and to make puerile jokes about deafness.
I have to disagree with this. I have experienced the same puerile jokes about my visual impairment. Most disabled people - regardless of the disability are likely to have been on the receiving end of bullying and oh so clever and novel jokes that no-one else has ever thought of before.

I don't like the joke, it's not funny, people who make this joke piss me off.

I have hearing loss, and people think that the only thing that has to be done is that they talk louder, It isn't. I need to see peoples mouths, I need there not to be too loud background noise, I need people not to mumble. I can't watch films that have too much noise going on, I need subtitles.
I worry about answering the phone because people don't speak clearly and I have to keep getting them to repeat what they are saying, and then they get frustrated. I have to have my husband talk to call centres because there is so much background noise, and every time they have to speak to me first.

People in the street talk to me from behind and I can't hear them and they get mad because I haven't moved out of their way.
I miss so much of what is going on and I spend so much of my time saying pardon that I hate that "joke".

Deaf in one ear here, which makes me very deaf if someone is in the wrong position for me.
A lifetime of feeling shy and worried I'll look ridiculous if I ask a question that's just been answered, or make a comment that already just got made.
It has had quite a lasting influence of my comfort socially.
Far worse things to go through! But just to give an indication that it is a fucking pain in the arse with consequences.

So...

I get this all the fucking time

What / pardon.

It's not that any one instance of it offends me. But it irritates me - it's really not funny, I live with this. I hate that in every new team at work, new school mum social group, I have to make the announcement "I'm deaf, please don't think I'm up my own arse, standoffish, just blatantly rude when I seem to ignore you - just get my attention and repeat please".

Because when I don't do that, I have found out negative things have been said, the very least being that people think I'm a bit distracted, unfriendly.

So I put myself out there AGAIN to explain my bloody defect, and the response is... "pardon?". And then I'm expected to laugh?

It does, in a very minor way, take it out of me a little bit every time I have to make my advance explainatiins! So I'm least in a mindset for joking at that moment.

Mostly though, it's so fucking OLD. Boring, dull.

I've heard it maybe 1000x in my life.

The other thing is, that I actually have to say "what / pardon / I'm sorry / would you mind repeating" EVERY DAY.

And I hate that. The inconvenience of it, the social awkwardness of it, the reminder to myself that I don't work properly... It sucks, saying "what" every day. So it's an extra trigger when it's just a joke to those that don't live with it.

In the majority of social situations where I say "pardon" did you know, that the speaker will say "oh it doesn't matter!"?
It may be inconsequential crap, but it makes you feel so excluded to not hear the comment and then have them refuse to repeat it.

So - I hate it! Not offended - just, it makes me feel just a little bit shit every time.

And it's boring!

I think hearing people don't understand that when Cabrinha says she has heard the "joke" 1000s of times, that is probably literal. When I used to commute in London with a wheelchair I got a joke about speeding roughly twice a day. So that's 10 times a week (more if I went out on a weekend!), 500 times a year. So after 5 years I had literally heard that joke 2500 times.

The funniest joke in the world would wear thin with that much repetition.

God I hate that "joke".

As a child of Deaf adults, I've had to explain my parents deafness since I could talk. To nursery teachers, school teachers...even now as an adult, you can't imagine how many times this is necessary.

When you are 6 years old and have bolstered the courage to explain or 40 and explaining for the millionth time, it's just so fucking down heartening to hear, "Pardon?" And that pause for laughter. Jesus.

Please everyone, read Cabrinha's and Bearsinmotion's posts again.
I get the same "witty" comments about my white cane - 'Don't hit me with that', 'Mind my shins' - fucking hilarious!
And don't even get me started on the comments I get from some people when they see me reading - 'You should get some glasses love', 'Here, do you want to borrow my glasses?', 'Why have you got a cane when you can see?'
It never ceases to amaze me that complete strangers think they have the right to make comments or jokes about my disability.

No, I haven't had a sense of humour bypass, no I'm not looking for offense where there is none, it's just not funny.

NeedAnotherGlass

No. I won't re-read their comments. If they wish to find the joke offensive that is their choice and their right.

I, as a deaf woman, choose not to find it offensive.

Neither of us are wrong.

I choose to find "fucking stupid deaf bitch" offensive though.

YABU - I'm part deaf and my family regularly make "pardon" or "sorry what" jokes, it's actually quite funny. Just a joke

I, and DS, are both hard of hearing and I find the 'pardon' and 'what' jokes deeply tedious.

This thread has really made me think.

I'm not deaf. I am though, hearing impaired/hard of hearing.

I don't think it's that noticeable to most people, but like many PP, I need to see people's faces when they speak, not to mumble, have real difficulty of there is a lot of noise/background noise. I have told many people about this, as it is embarrassing to me to constantly have to ask people to repeat themselves. I can count on one hand the amount of times someone hasn't said "what"? Or "pardon?" When I'm telling them.

It's not fucking funny. But I've never, ever, told anyone off for it. maybe I should.

Cabrhina is spot on. In work and social situations it's the isolation that gets you. I hate going to noisy bars because the background music means I can't hear even residual sounds and the low lighting means it's hard to see faces to see what people are saying. Social situations are tricky for this very reason. I'm not ignoring anyone, I just don't know to listen if I don't know you're talking to me, and I need to see your face and mouth. When I do try and participate in a conversation I look intently at each speaker's face. As a consequence I'm butting in and making people feel uncomfortable. A very recent example was working in an office as a temp where my desk faced the back wall when everyone else's desk faced the middle of the room, and me trying unsuccessfully to join in conversations. If you've known people for a long time they know what to expect of you and vice versa, but as a temp you go into each new situation having to make up for what many people take for granted.

I have a 'good ear' and a 'telephone ear' and the kids always want to hold my right hand in the street because my right ear means I can hear them a bit better. I can't hear the kids when we're in the car because they're in the back and I'm in the front and the noise of the engine drowns out any sound I might be able to hear.

Over the years I've been called many names which allude to the fact that I can't hear properly, from my dad calling me 'cloth ears' to people in the village calling me stuck up and ignorant because I don't join in conversations at the school gates. Unfortunately I can't overhear conversations and join in like many people do, and when I look at someone and try and read their lips I'm given a funny look and they turn away from me.

I'm not stuck up, I'm not ignorant, I'm none of the things I'm perceived to be. I've moved to a village where everyone knows each other and is either related to each other or went to school with each other, and trying to integrate into a clique like that is hard, but trying to do it when you're deaf is much harder.

I'm partially deaf too and it's made me think. I've had that joke a few times myself and tended in the past to just say 'pardon?' back to the person - it stops being funny when you throw it back to them like that but it's not something I've ever found offensive, just boring. DH's take on my hearing loss is to do a little dance in front of me to get my attention if I don't hear him. Usually the can can. Which coming from a 14 stone 6ft 2 bloke is usually pretty funny
DH has glaucoma & wears glasses - when he can't find something he has a standard joke of "four eyes and none of them work' which is fine for us to use as our own joke but neither of us would ever say it to anyone else.
That's the point I suppose, private jokes are fine if it's on the understanding that there's no malice intended and it's mutual, anything else & people should expect the target to be upset.
An SEN teacher should know much better than to put that on social media though, how stupid can you be?