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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread secondary school?

18 replies

Mollymoo78 · 19/08/2016 23:29

Ok my dd is only just about to start primary school but as everyone keeps telling me "she'll be at secondary school before you know it!" I just hear so many bad things about secondary schools - bullying, sexting, bad attitudes, high staff turnovers that I feel utter dread when I think about dd starting secondary school. Does anyone else think like this? Are there any positive experiences of secondary school?

OP posts:

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff · 19/08/2016 23:41

Sorry but after primary school secondary is a doddle

TheSecondOfHerName · 19/08/2016 23:42

I was anxious about pretty much everything before mine started secondary school.

DS1 is dippy and disorganised.
DS2 has ASD & ADHD.
DD has some developmental delay and is very young for her age.
DS3 is tiny for his age and was a Mummy's boy.

I was not optimistic.

They have now finished Y11, Y9, Y7 and Y7 respectively and it's been fine.

DS1 was bullied in his last year at primary but experienced zero bullying at secondary.
DS2 was constantly in trouble at primary and had no friends; in secondary he has friends and has only had one detention in three years.
DD was stressed and lacking in confidence in primary; at secondary she is happier and has more secure friendships.
DS3 has become more confident since starting secondary, more independent and willing to try new things.

TheSecondOfHerName · 19/08/2016 23:45

The teachers are subject specialists and often passionate and inspiring about their subject.

There is a bigger pool of peers in which to find friends.

There is usually a wider range of clubs and activities, most of which are free of charge.

Once you get to the end of Y9 (Y8 in some schools) you can ditch some of the subjects you least enjoy.

Last but not least, no bloody reading records!

SueDunome · 19/08/2016 23:46

First of all, relax and enjoy primary school with your dd. She will have seven years at primary and will be a confident child, ready for secondary school when it arrives.
My ds has just left secondary school with some amazing A level results, good friends, fantastic memories and he has grown into a wonderful young man, but obviously I'm biased ☺
You will hear bad stories about some secondary schools, but most schools are inspiring places full of teenagers who are lovely, warm, friendly people, so ignore the bad press and be positive - it will be fine.

VioletBam · 19/08/2016 23:46

I felt the same OP but now mine are 12 and 8 and it sort of fades. Primary toughens you up!

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 19/08/2016 23:48

Mine is starting in September and is so excited. Lockers, classroom switching, new subjects etc. Don't fret about it yet. It does go fast but you will be more than ready for it when it arrives.

TheSecondOfHerName · 19/08/2016 23:55

Another big plus of secondary school is the food choice. The children just finishing Y6 seem to be very excited about the prospect of being able to buy pasta salad or a panini!

wigglesrock · 20/08/2016 00:00

My 11 year old (eldest of three) starts secondary school in 2 weeks. She is so excited, it's been an absolute joy to watch this summer. She is dying to try everything, to make new friends, to start new subjects -German and art seem to be her most wanted. She'll be getting the bus there and back, she nearly exploded with happiness when I gave her a front door key just incase the rest of us wouldn't be in when she got home. She's been nosying at the school website, trying on her uniform, prancing about with her school bag. It's been a lovely time for her.

LordTrash · 20/08/2016 00:05

Dd1 has just finished year 7 at secondary school. She is SO MUCH happier there than she was at primary school.

Better teaching, better environment and - for an ASD child like dd1 - a bigger pool of 'quirkier' children, so a proper group of friends at last.

She moved from a 'requires improvement' primary to an 'outstanding' secondary with excellent ASD provision, though, so I was expecting great things. No bullying, sexting or bad attitudes in sight (though I'm sure it must go on).

Titsywoo · 20/08/2016 00:05

Ha yes mine is excited that there is going to be pizza and slushies everyday

Don't worry OP by the time they get to secondary school they tend to be ready for it. Hard to imagine until they get to year 6 then it suddenly sneaks up on you how much they have grown up!

TheSecondOfHerName · 20/08/2016 00:05

wigglesrock that's lovely, it's an exciting time.

amprev · 20/08/2016 00:09

Some great replies on here! My eldest dd going into year 5 this time and secondary is making me feel anxious already.

wigglesrock · 20/08/2016 00:24

It has been nice, I enjoy watching my kids get older, doing new things, discovering bits of their personalities, forming strong and earnest opinions on everything and anything, oh she's so very earnest!

elliejjtiny · 20/08/2016 01:48

Don't worry OP, they change and grow so much at primary school and she will be ready when she goes. My DS1 is going into year 6 and is already excited about secondary. I know he'll be ready for it in a year, it's just me that won't be. Seems only yesterday I was taking a photo of him on his first day of primary, excitedly holding his Thomas the tank engine bag.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/08/2016 01:57

It does seem daunting when you see the Secondary School pupils spilling out (on their bloody iPhones ) they seem huge.

My DS has now left Yr 11 and waiting to go to 6th Form. That's the next level up, he'll need to leave at Stupid O'Clock and get 2 buses.
And work a lot harder.
But he's ready!

ImissGrannyW · 20/08/2016 01:59

Firstly, you're worrying about this WAY too early. Enjoy primary before wishing your life away!

Second, secondary school is a big learning curve, but mostly for parents. The kids are usually ready for it and excited (see above). The adjustment will be with you... knowing less about school than you knew in primary, not being able to just 'pop in' to have a word, your child going there and back without you.

But we learn, and we get over it, and our kids (mostly) have an amazing time being 'grown up'!

BerriesandLeaves · 20/08/2016 02:07

I worried about it from about year 2. Dd has finished year 7 at local comp and i wish i hadn't bothered worrying! She's been a lot happier socially as instead of being stuck with the same 30 kids with the cool kids sneering/lording it over the quieter kids she's had a bigger pool to choose from and has made some lovely friends. There's been no bitchiness or dramas with her friends. Other tougher groups of kids give them no grief at all. They are probably far too busy concentrating on the goings on with each other to be interested in the geeky kids.
Dd has loved having different subject teachers who relate to them in a more grown up way and the clubs etc. She's enjoying it more than primary school where she felt unpopular now she has her nice group of pals. It's really expanded her horizons and she's very happy there.

Harris68 · 05/03/2019 12:43

Hi everyone,

Looking for some advise. My son has high functioning asd/adhd currently year 5 and that time to start looking for secondary schools😫
We are based in Enfield. So and the search begun. But now I'm wondering if there other schools that may be more suitable out of the area. Enfield has been getting alot of bad press lately surrounding the schools in the area with muggings and general unsocialable behaviour, this has really sent alarm bells ringing loudly. My boy is the class clown an and will get caught up in anything he finds remotely amusing and get in trouble for it!! But whats also worrying is that he is very naive and could possibly end up in the wrong crowd.
Im aware this could happen at any school we put him into, but Im trying to limit the possibilities. If there are schools with excellent pastoral care and SEN departments out of the area, with private bus connections that anyone could recomend to me or where to find out where they are !!
Also I'm would love to hear from anyone who has a child on the spectrum and attends mainstream schools in the Enfield area.

Thank you, so looking forward to hearing from you.

Sarah x

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