To clean up?

[OhShitFuck]

At a friends house helping out with their 6month old son, I got here at 7am. They are both out working 6pm ish.. I have my DC with me and am too far from home to go home then be back for 6 (140 mile return journey).

The house is a total bomb site. In the kitchen is more fruit flies than I can count. Mouldy food all over and a foul smell in there.

In the bathroom are used sanitary towels out in the open. My youngest needed the toilet but the toilet is so dirty she actually wet herself rather than use the toilet. I was planning on bathing all the kids before we set off home but the bath is so dirty id rather them wait till tomorrow.

Pleas bare in mind we'll be here till 6 so we'll be using the bathroom and I'll be cooking a little later for the kids.

WIBU to clean up to make us a little more comfortable?

On reflection, I'd rather clean up then look after a 6 mth old (been there done that now have teens)

Yrs

Yes tell him and tell him it's not fair for the baby to live in that. He'll start crawling soon presumablym

It's a bit tricky and possibly a bit awkward, but personal preferences aside does it fall into something a health visitor could do with a look at? Is it edging towards safeguarding? I don't mean it in any kind of hysterical way, nor does it be that places have to be scrupulously clean all the time, but if it's that bad is the 6 month old likely to come to harm/get ill? Are they going to come across something sharp in and amongst the mess? It might not be their norm, maybe they are having a really hard time with something and it's causing problems around the house? How would you feel chatting confidentially to the local health visiting team?

I wouldn't do a full clean. I'd be mortified if someone deep cleaned my home on their own motivation. I would just do a light clean and say that you tidied up as you went. Anti bac kitchen worktops and bleach down that loo!!!

If it were me I would clean up so it's safe and hygenic for the children, enjoy the rest of the day and then politely but firmly turn down any other requests for help. Hopefully they have enough self awareness to notice the cleaning you have done and put two and two together.
They should be sending you home with wine and flowers and infinite thanks!

I'd be pretty worried about how well this couple are coping, what with working such long hours and having such a young baby to cope with.

I wonder if there is any chance of PND?

Or maybe just utter exhaustion.

Somebody doing a surprise clean of my home is something I fantasise about...
I'd do it. If nothing else it'll bring attention to it and spark a conversation.
How come you've had to do a 140 mile round trip? And it was only agreed by 3pm yesterday? You certainly sound like a very good friend! I'd have hated leaving baby DC with someone I'd only meet once for an hour, I'm quite PFB about all of them though.
It does all sound a bit disorganised tbh.

Working full time with one baby is tough, but not that tough as to have a house like that. There are clearly bigger issues behind this.
I'd clean it but really not want to go back.

This sounds concerning. If they are good enough friends, clean up. They will understand and you are doing the best thing for them and their kids. If the friendship isn't that important, go home.

You might want to be really brave and ask them whether they are coping.

Anyone who leaves dirty sanitary wear out and lives in such a manky house has zero shame so won't give a fuck to be honest. I would take the kids to my house and tell them to collect there but I appreciate you may not want to do that, so if you want to stay then I think you have to clean because your honestly not going to be able to sit and look at that filth BUT I would have to message my friend and say something, that's just so disrespectful to you, they knew you were coming, manky bastards

It does sound like they are struggling but if baby is well fed and healthy I wouldn't worry about reporting them for neglect - they choose to focus on child not surrounds and if there is any sort of PND as well as working full time then there could be your issue. I would clean and tidy - leave bags somewhere obvious and when they arrive back give them the talking too that goes along the lines of you both live here you both clean up, if you are not well you see the Dr, you will not be babysitting again until they send you a photo of clean place before you arrive

They may well be not well but sometimes intervention is needed to sort things and make them realise help is required

But the baby will crawl soon
ugh

Dirty clarts!

Also I understand that PND often manifests itself in the opposite way, with the focus on surroundings and appearance rather than care for the child. It does sound more a combination of tiredness/struggling to cope/much lower standards than yours

I also would have taken the baby home with me and my children, and I certainly wouldn't have been cleaning their shit. My house can get in a right state but NOTHING like this, and especially not with a baby in the house!!

Like a pp said, they have no shame to have allowed you into their house in the first place. This, together with the last minute childcare arrangements, makes me think tha maybe they are struggling quite badly.

There really isn't any excuse for that filth. Used sanitary products left like that?? That's just disgusting. I would have been out of there at least taken the kids out for the day. Someone should be looking into this. A child cannot be growing up in that filthy environment.

I've seen very helpful threads about people who struggle with domestic chores - usually mental health or exhaustion

Do what you can - it really doesn't take long! Once you get going.

Hope they'll be grateful for the help

I think you are being a good friend

It does sound more a combination of tiredness/struggling to cope/much lower standards than yours

Oh please don't try to justify this filth! Used sanitary products is someone having lower standards

Surely we've all struggled with the the housework at some stage - and presumably she has only recently returned to work so might be finding it hard to juggle things, so maybe we should give them a break?

I would tidy up and i'm sure they will be grateful, If not then at least you will know you did something good for that baby weather they liked it or not.

If you were close with him, and if the opportunity did arise - I would suggest asking him if everything is okay, and maybe suggest they get a cleaner in for maybe 2 hours a week just to help them keep on top of things while both working FT

were the used ST just thrown on the ground or were they in a bin but exposed?? There is a difference here

Surely we've all struggled with the the housework at some stage - and presumably she has only recently returned to work so might be finding it hard to juggle things, so maybe we should give them a break?

Yep, I've struggled with housework - still do as it's a constant battle, but used sanitary products lying around in the bathroom and just total filth by the sounds of things? Not acceptable by any standards, even my own relatively flexible ones when it comes to housework.

Even if the wife has pnd, the husband won't.

actually AnthonyPandy - he might.

It sounds grim, it takes seconds to bin an ST, the cleanest places in the house should always be the bathroom and more importantly the kitchen. It sounds pretty bad if theres three bags full of crap.

op what was your friend like prior to the baby?