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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that not being on facebook makes you FAR less accessible generally

106 replies

WoburnSands · 18/08/2016 23:01

I've been both on it and off it - came off it completely a while ago - in 2011. I don't miss it one bit. It was a great novelty when I first went on it in about 2008 - but after that the novelty sort of wore off.

I'm happy I the knowledge that the people I don't want to bother with at all - now can't find me! - I also love having the 'privacy' of not being on it!!

OP posts:
MrsMook · 19/08/2016 08:59

I'm a fan. My family and friends are scattered across the country and beyond so I find it useful for informal contact.

I've had issues with phone numbers being lost over the years and am never sure if my address book is up to date, so messenger type services are very useful. Also they're easier for group conversation than text and email were.

I find some people slip through that aren't on there, but they weren't the most communicative and easy to obtain people anyway.

SleepingInWindows · 19/08/2016 09:15

I keep coming off and going on again... I love being off it- no comparing lives, no people boasting, no minutiae of peoples day etc.. I feel happier without it. But feel like I'm missing out on peoples news as many only communicate through facebook. I think when DS is at school I will need to stay on just to feel a part of it. I do like now that you can keep the messenger even when you deactivate!

NotYoda · 19/08/2016 09:23

I have missed out on a few thing because people who use it a lot tend to assume everyone's on it and don't do separate invitations via email/text.

OTOH when I look at my DHs it makes me grit my teeth - people posting endless pics of their fab hotels/holidays/gardens/beautiful children etc etc.
Also, my work and private life intersect, and there's stuff I wouldn't want to know about what people are saying, and stuff I wouldn't want people to know about me (friends-of-friends)

I know there are things you can do to make it suit you, but I'm a bit clueless. Think I need someone really savvy to sit down with me and help set it up.

NotYoda · 19/08/2016 09:24

Lastgirl

You are right.

junebirthdaygirl · 19/08/2016 10:23

Not on Facebook but lately a few things have made me wonder. I was excited about some news my dd had and texted a few of my family to find they all knew already as she is friends on there with them. They knew before me aaaaaaaaah!!

I was saying to someone how excited l was about a forthcoming school reunion when she said l keep in touch with everyone on Facebook know where they are, their children etc. Aaaaaaaaah!!
Maybe l need to join the real world. Have WhatsApp groups with a few groups of friends and it's great.

greenlass · 19/08/2016 10:25

Agreed!

Ditched it at the start of June & never looked back.

It's great not being able to be contacted at random by any Tom, Dick or Harry & not spending God knows how long scrolling down a newsfeed reading things I don't really care about.

Sometimes I hear something & think wow I don't know anything now I'm off Facebook but know what I don't care !

Spend waaaaaaaaay more time on mumsnet though!

Ellieboolou27 · 19/08/2016 10:30

I came off fb about 5 years ago, I've never missed it, if I want to contact people I use phone email Skype or letters or actually see them in person. I love not wasting my time liking, poking, reading other people's boring updates.

HalfShellHero · 19/08/2016 10:31

Facebook are having a real issue with users posting stuff about themselves rather than just sharing other peoples stuff ...i think ppls attitudes in general towards fb are changing...im on it but only post now and again.

islandtiare · 19/08/2016 10:35

Yanbu

GobblersKnob · 19/08/2016 10:37

I would struggle not to be on for work but otherwise would drop it like a shot.

willowtreecottage · 19/08/2016 10:39

half how do you mean?
Hasn't Facebook always been that way & why would that be a problem? :)

HalfShellHero · 19/08/2016 10:47

Theyve installed it now where your photo gallery can be seen by you when you make statuses ...trying to encourage people to make more 'independent' contributions...i cant think of the correct term..mindblock Confused .

purplevase4 · 19/08/2016 10:58

I use it and find the local groups and groups for my hobbies very useful, I find out things that I just wouldn't know otherwise.

I don't follow people whose feeds annoy me, and I am only friends with people who I know well.

loathe it for making other parents feel like shite (me included) ooh here's a million pictures of what a fab time I'm having and what a perfect family life we lead

agreed, best option is not to follow

I prefer Twitter.

90daychallenger · 19/08/2016 11:03

I've never been on it. I find it all very cringey TBH. Everyone I want to be in contact with (very few people!) I am. I don't give shit what Jemma Edwards and Naomi Smithson**, who used to sit behind me in geography and talk about how many boys they'd been fingered by, are doing now.

**not real people

WorraLiberty · 19/08/2016 11:05

worra not anymore you can't. They recently changed the privacy settings and now anyone can be searched for via Google or fb and will come up if on fb.

Well I've just spent the last 10 minutes looking and my FB profile does not come up on a Google search? Confused

I wonder if it's because I don't use FB mobile?

MrsJorahMormont · 19/08/2016 11:10

I love FB and use it daily but I am very cautious about what I post on it. I would never 'air my dirty laundry' on there or complain about my work. Some people lose all common sense - a bit like people picking their nose in the car and thinking no one can see them doing it :o

willowtreecottage · 19/08/2016 11:14

Thanks half
I see what you mean.Smile

SleepingInWindows · 19/08/2016 11:28

greenlass That's another thing, wasting so much time scrolling through reading dull stuff, but it can be so addictive.. It's like we're always searching for something interesting, but then finding that can make us feel inferior. It really can bring out some negative feelings.. Without facebook I go through my day happily never feeling jealous of anyone, but when on it I feel inferior and I shouldn't.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 19/08/2016 11:48

I joined fb three years ago, as a mature student, when we had group things to organise and I was the only one not on it. Weirdly, we then did most of the organising by actually, you know, speaking to each other!
There did seem to be a big reliance on social media though - people were pretty non-communicative irl, but their 'news' would be shared on fb - as if there was no longer a requirement for actual conversation.
Or maybe they just didn't like me Grin.
I also joined a group related to an exercise system, which has since withdrawn from fb - but am now feeling paranoid that any previous posts of mine might still exist somewhere!thankfully I never posted any 'before and after' pics - could never believe how many people did that; even though it was a closed group, you never know who might be a member or, as a pp said, might show your post to others.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 19/08/2016 11:50

In answer to the op: yabu, and I think I'll revert to anonymity myself soon.

FlyingElbows · 19/08/2016 12:10

I think it's important to remember that it is not compulsory to add the Jemma Edwards and Naomi Smithsons of this world. So many people complain about what people post of fb without acknowledging that the reason they can see it is mostly because they've added these people to their friends list. It's not an invasion of privacy if you're adding hundreds of people you don't know. Mine contains only people I know and like. It's very useful for our business activity and keeping up with what's happening in our local associated community. I can see how people might get drawn in to the down sides though. It's not for everyone.

SawdustInMyHair · 19/08/2016 12:19

I think it depends what you use it for.

I don't have people on there I don't know, and you can't find me even if you search my exact name on the site (I'm a teacher, so you can imagine my privacy settings are tighter than a gnats arsehole). I have 'unfriended' a lot of old primary-school people I put on there when I was a teenager, as we weren't in touch and it was just pointless and annoying.

I use it to keep in touch with friends who live abroad, and organising events. I don't find it invades my privacy, because I don't put anything private on there. We organise any parties etc through FB, and have to separately email the couple of people I know who are not on it. Because we're all busy, negotiating what day to do things is way easier on a FB event than a loooong chain of emails.

americaandhawaii · 20/08/2016 09:32

I love it and I don't ever feel jealous to see my friends having a good time, ditch the people who make you feel bad and enjoy it for what it is.

LagunaBubbles · 21/08/2016 09:11

People that complain that their newsfeed are boring must have added boring friends.

LagunaBubbles · 21/08/2016 09:12

And I find it really odd when people complain about other peoples holiday pictures etc, I'm pleased for friends and like looking at their pictures.

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