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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to split DS1's money with DS2?

137 replies

AbelMancwitch · 18/08/2016 13:30

I've been mulling this over for nearly 10 years, so I thought it was probably time to get some outside perspective on this!

My grandad died 10 years ago when my DS1 was a few months old, and left DS1 £1000. I put this in an account for him for when he is older and have continued to save his birthday money in there (until he got old enough to want to spend it! This is an account that he doesn't know about and I'll be keeping this money back for him until he's an adult rather than letting him fritter it all on polos and tat now)

Two years later DS2 came along. Same thing, I've saved any money he's come into, but obviously what with one thing and another he has about £1200 less than DS1. This is partly because my "family" favoured DS1 over DS2, and didn't treat them fairly. (I am now NC with them, partly because of their behaviour to DS2.)

Perhaps because of this I have a heightened awareness of what I perceive to be unfairness, and I can't help feeling that DS2 has financially dipped out. I'm wondering whether I should split the £1k between both boys to try to even things out a bit? I imagine if I'd had children 2 years earlier, my grandad would have left money to both of them. However, if the money was left just to DS1, is it wrong to give half of it to DS2?

I literally can't get my head around what is the fairest thing to do. It also doesn't seem fair to try to boost DS2's money by saving for him, because if we save for one, we need to save for both, and then it will never even out anyway. I don't know if this is just one of those times where DS2 will learn that sometimes life isn't fair due to circumstance, or whether in 10 years time this will cause grief if DS2 feels like he is being treated differently - sibling rivalry is already a big deal. Sad

See, I'm tying myself in knots. There's no urgent need to resolve this, as they won't get it for another 10 years or so, but I'd like to make a conclusive decision, rather than spend then next 10 years swinging from one side to the other on it. (I'm a Libran, can you tell?) Wink

So Mumsnet, what do you think?

OP posts:
eightbluebirds · 18/08/2016 13:55

I wouldn't split it. It's not your money to split. Do they even need to know one has more money than the other? Unless you give it out as a lump sum they probably won't notice. Say if you give bits here and ther for driving lessons, or a car etc. Also bear in mind that presumably you'll give ds1 his money 2 years before ds2. Therefore you'll have 2 years to contribute a little more to ds2?

OnionKnight · 18/08/2016 13:55

Would you split the birthday money as well?

myownprivateidaho · 18/08/2016 13:56

No, sorry you're wrong that there is nothing legally to stop you - presuming that the money was left/given to "your DS's name" and not to "abelmancwitch's children" (if the latter it's fine to split). You are probably right that your dad would have wanted you to split it, however it would still be illegal for you to do so. You do hold the money on trust even if it's just in your account - it's a constructive trust (one that comes into existence automatically by the operation of the law and not by being formally set up).

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 18/08/2016 13:56

I missed the bit about the birthday money!

Do you put all your son's birthday money in there? Shock

Quite frankly, if I was giving a kid money for his birthday and discovered his mother was putting it in a savings account and not letting him spend it, I'd start giving him vouchers.

Original poster
AbelMancwitch · 18/08/2016 13:56

Wouldn't dream of splitting their respective birthday monies btw.

At the moment we're not in a position to financially boost DS2's savings to match- and to be honest, if we were, that wouldn't be fair either would it? To save for one and not the other?

OP posts:
WhatTheActualFugg · 18/08/2016 13:58

Oh, x cross.

That changes it entirely then in my view.

Because of course your DGP would have left something for both of them.

As they are still young and there's lots of time for the money to grow, I would personally split the whole lot (allowing a bit more for DS because of the two years ahead he is IYSWIM) and put the mine into Child Investment ISAs and start afresh.

WhatTheActualFugg · 18/08/2016 13:59

Bitchy OP only put the birthday money in when DS were babies!!!

Pinkheart5915 · 18/08/2016 13:59

I wouldn't split the money it was left to ds1 so it's his

My biological dad died a few years ago and me and my brother got left everything even though he hadn't seen us for 15 years. Anyway he also left my first living child a very large sum of money 2 years later I had ds and that money is his! I've now got a 2 week old DD and even if I could split the money ( I can't as its in trust) I wouldn't that money was for my first living child which was ds so it's his. Me and dh will save a bit extra a month for DD so she will have roughly the same as her brother when she's older

8angle · 18/08/2016 13:59

If you give DS1 his money when he is 18, then for the next 2 years you just put money into DS2's account will that even it out (roughly)?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 18/08/2016 14:01

that wouldn't be fair either would it? To save for one and not the other?

I think that would be fair. Smile It would be bringing them up to a level playing field.

springwaters · 18/08/2016 14:03

Sounds like you haven't handled the money correctly so far. It should be in a child account in his name or in trust if it was a legacy. You cant just keep it in your name and you cant chose to give it to anyone else.

It is not you money legally. It belongs to your son. You need to address this issue.

Eatthecake · 18/08/2016 14:04

No I wouldn't split that money was left to ds1 why shouldn't he have it? Your ds2 wasn't around when your grandad sadly passed away which is why he doesn't have the same

My grandma left my eldest ( now 20) a sum of money when he was a few week old, that is his money and I would never of dreamed of splitting it. I went on to have other children 5, 9 and 20 years after my eldest but that money my grandma left was for my eldest so it's his

cdtaylornats · 18/08/2016 14:05

Consider the lesson you're teaching DS1 that someones perception of fairness means its okay to steal.

myownprivateidaho · 18/08/2016 14:06

DS1is also entitled to any interest on the £1,200 btw.

liquidrevolution · 18/08/2016 14:06

Do you think your grandad would have left the same to DS2 or split the amount left to DS1? If you think he would have split it or left the same amount then either split it or boost the amount in DS2s account.

Seems completely fair to me.

PersianCatLady · 18/08/2016 14:07

Split the inheritance between them, don't touch the birthday money
Totally agree with that.

DS2 has £1200 less than DS1 so DS1 should keep the £200 which must be his birthday money but the £1000 should be split equally.

OnionKnight · 18/08/2016 14:09

It's not the OP's money to split!

Original poster
AbelMancwitch · 18/08/2016 14:10

It's interesting, as if I legally can't divide it up, that lets me off the hook in terms of thinking about it! I don't know how formal it was at the time though - I didn't see a will, I was just told there was money and was given cash. I don't actually know if he had time to formally change a will to include DS1 (he was dead 3 months after DS was born). The only people that know about the money are DH and I. (And my father, but I highly doubt we'll ever see him again.) The kids know nothing, so whatever money they come into later will be a nice surprise.

I just really don't want to make a bad situation worse, I know how it feels to be brought up in a family where siblings are not treated equally; there is a history of sibling estrangement on both sides of my family and my biggest fear is that my boys will go the same way. I would never want either of them to feel like I did growing up, which is why I feel so much pressure to make sure things are completely fair.

OP posts:
MrsGsnow18 · 18/08/2016 14:11

I personally wouldn't split the inherited money. It was left to DS1.
It might seem unfair that DS2 didn't get but it was before he was born.
I don't think you need to save for DS2, just leave it as it is.
It's natural enough that one child might have more than the other.
In my family I remember it was the opposite way around, out of 4 of us there was a big age gap between the very youngest. Relatives were always giving him money because he was younger and we as older siblings used to give him money. He squirrelled it all away and we were all raging when he bought a car with his own money at 17! Shock

Bogeyface · 18/08/2016 14:12

It depends on how you were given it. If it was left to your parents and they gave some of it to DS then its fine to share it as the will conditions have been met, similar happened in my family.

If it was bequeathed to him personally then legally you cant touch it, so I would up DS2's savings as and when you can. Being fair doesnt always mean being equal, someone posted a picture about it on MN the other day, will see if I can find it. But basically, as long as both of them end up in the same place financially at the same age then that is fair.

Rachcakes · 18/08/2016 14:12

I wouldn't split it either, but I'd keep it in mind that if I was in a position to top up DS2s account at any stage, I would.
I don't always treat my children exactly equally but it tends to balance out in the long run.

myownprivateidaho · 18/08/2016 14:13

Ok, legally speaking you need to find out what the will said. Doesn't matter that you were given cash. But it makes a difference if it was bequeathed to your son personally (in which case it belongs to him and you can't give it away).

8angle · 18/08/2016 14:15

It was an informal gift - cash in hand - no will. The OP "legally" can do what the hell she likes with it. previous posters saying "it's not her money to split" and " DS1 is entitled to interest" are just making shit up that is causing the OP more heart ache!

JenLindley · 18/08/2016 14:15

I was all for saying split it but actually I don't agree with that now having had a think.

For starters DS1 is only up by £200 in terms of birthday money savings. Secondly, if say you are giving the money to them both at 18 then DS1 gets (example) £4000 at 18 whilst DS2 has only £2800 in his account. BUT you then have another two years to save into DS2's account to make up the difference. Also you don't know how it might even out in the years between now and when you decide to give it to them.

I would leave it for now. Don't touch DS1's money and have a look again closer to the time of giving the money to see how much DS2's is short by.

springwaters · 18/08/2016 14:16

Do you think your grandad would have left the same to DS2 or split the amount left to DS1? If you think he would have split it or left the same amount then either split it or boost the amount in DS2s account.Seems completely fair to me.

What seems fair and what is legal are not the same thing.

If the money was left to the child then it is their money and it should be in trust in their name,

It is not the OPs money and she cannot touch it or give it away either way.

Lots of simple advice on line. This is not up for debate- splitting the money simply cannot be done

www.simplifythelaw.co.uk/private-client/wills/legacy-money-personal-property-child-will

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