do you turn on the water works for sympathy

[mrsfuzzy]

my dm does this, a lot, when anything/one goes against her, drives me mad, are you a guilt tripper or a teary type, do you know one ? we won't fall out over it , just interested.

I know a few people who get easily teary, they tend to be a bit embarrassed by this and siddle away to compose themselves. I can cope with this sort, do feel they may benefit from some counselling. They will admit they are this way.

I also know one woman who bursts into tears at the drop of a hat and adds wails of "Why is everybody nasty to me". She drives me mad, I go out of my way to avoid her. If you asked her she would probably never admit to having cried in her life.

I don't know any teary men.

Like some PP's, I cry when I am frustrated and/or angry. I really cannot help it and I don't do ot to illicit sympathy. It bugs me and I wish I didn't do it, but I cannot help it.

I used to when i was younger, a lot younger. I could come up with all kind of excuses,but tbh it was mostly taking the easy way out to get out of an uncomfortable situations,sometimes a test to see if the other person cared about hurting me...what can i say?i was pretty fucked up
Now i very rarely cry,even less in the presence of others, and it tends to be when i'm really really angry/frustrated rather than sad/upset

pest you' know my mum ? i'm outted thank god, perhaps you can talk to her !

No and I couldn't even if I wanted to. I'm not v emotional and hardly ever cry.

Yes, I have cried once on purpose. Well actually, I don't know if I cried on purpose, or if I was just so desperate to get what I wanted in a crap situationthat I didn't stop myself crying.
I lost train tickets on the way to get a train to the other side of the country for my dad's wedding. We didn't have the money for new tickets and the train line employee wasn't going to let us travel . I cried, he then changed his tune and helped.

Would never cry in a fight or argument with dh. Especially not on purpose. No way.

Recently two women have joined my team at work, I work in a high stress environment dealing with 'difficult' people. Everything is defined by the tears of these women. "If I have to make that phone call I'll cry". Or " when x happened I cried". I have had to have conversations with them that were not easy for anyone involved. The next day I am told "you made me cry yesterday".

Well I cry but not at work and not in front of you.

Fortunately (or not) none of the men in the office cry.

Sexist or just what happens?

Fuzzy I am afraid there is more than one of them.

not on purpose, but once many years ago I did burst into tears when a coach driver was being horrible to me. It was the catalyst that made some other passengers stand up and tell him he was being a wanker, so although I guess it have the effect of eliciting sympathy, I didn't do it for that effect (I was angry rather than sad, but the excess of emotion came out as tears). I'm not really sorry that it did work out that way, either!

Turning on tears is just another way of emotionally blackmailing someone though, isn't it? It's not a man/woman thing (and god knows it's not a boy/girl thing - if you work in a primary school, you'll see both boys and girls try it to see if it works... and both genders will stop it again once they realise it doesn't. Or not on me, anyway!). Sorry your DM does this, sounds infuriating.

Nope
I'm not a crier.
And I would be utterly mortified to cry at work!

No, I cry very easily and often have to try very hard not to! I cry when I'm angry, which is absolutely infuriating.

Your mum sounds like very hard work, OP

I had a case in the Employment Tribunal once (for the employer) where my counsel showed the claimant up as a liar. She started crying and the Employment Judge (also female, and in fact we still called them Chairmen at that time) said Turn off the waterworks, madam, they aren't helping you and they don't impress us and eventually she did.

It's much less common among men, I guess, because the social pressure on us never to cry is overwhelming; so it is harder for us to misuse tears. If that makes sense.

Andrew - In my experience men may not actually cry as often, but they are equally if not more adept at using manipulative speech - putting on the sad expression, saying the guilt inducing 'poor me' words, that will make women stop trusting their own judgement and feel sorry for them. This is at the core of many abusive relationships, the constant manipulation of a woman's feelings.

They may not 'misuse' tears as you say, but they are more than capable of manipulative behaviour - and often IME are more consciously and deliberately manipulative, and use it far more often. We can only comment from our own experience, but I have only come across two or three manipulative women in my life, but have encountered many manipulative men.

I do agree that men and women are equally manipulative but I don't think crying comes into the manipulative man's arsenal quite as often. Biological maybe? I think far fewer people would feel the need to leap in and protect a crying man. It provokes more of a 'oh God, what do I do?' reaction instead of a 'how do I help?' reaction.

I rarely cry in front of people but I do cry easily when I'm angry or frustrated. I tear up sometimes when talking about something sad or emotional but it's very embarrassing

I cry when I'm stressed or angry and I hate it because it's embarrassing, I'd much rather be able to stay calm and collected. I don't do it on purpose, though I've been accused of doing so more than once.

My ex, however, was world class at it. He'd start with the poor me language, then tears, then a full blown hyperventilating, snotty, snivelling episode until I backed down on whatever it was. I also used to know a woman who does it and can't resist telling anyone who'll listen how X made her cry and Y upset her so much, blah blah blah. Funnily enough I don't speak to either of them anymore...

Yep horrible post. Is it actually physically possible to make yourself cry? I cry very easily, and it's very, very embarrassing.

My (abusive) ex does this. He's incredibly manipulative. It happened frequently when we were together and then there would be the stories about how I'd made him cry. I rarely cry but was certainly not allowed to in his company. That would get him angry.

I've also known women who do it.

Is it actually physically possible to make yourself cry?

My grandmother could. She was a pretty accomplished amateur actress and I witnessed her switch on the tears once to avoid a speeding ticket. However, people who can really cry at will - rather than those who just cry easily - are probably quite rare.

I cry when I'm happy, sad, disappointed, angry, frustrated. Not always full on tears, but eyes welling up and flushing. I do not do it for sympathy and actually the times when it might be useful to ' turn on the waterworks' are generally the times when it is most in control. I have been accused of using it to guilt trip before and generally find that so upsetting to hear (that I cry) as they must think very low of me to think I would do that. It is totally uncontrollable (I blame my mum lol).

What's the AIBU?

KurriKurri I am sure you are right - it's just that this particular form of emotional manipulation is a mainly female preserve. Horses for courses; or perhaps mares and stallions but that wouldn't rhyme

I never cry.

Not even at deaths - don't know why.

Im not stoical - I get tense, angry and anxious, bottling everything up - I just can't cry.

I'm sure people think I'm a cold fish.

Salmotrutta - I'm the same (minus the anger - I do get very volcanically angry from time to time which I'm working hard on).

I haven't really properly cried in about a decade (I'm 25).

I have to admit I really don't like it when other people cry over ostensibly minor things, I find it very embarrassing although always try to be sympathetic.

And there are women (and probably some men too) that turn on the waterworks to elicit sympathy, why is it misogynistic to say so? It's true! Surely it's a great deal more chauvinistic to cynically make use of ugly stereotypes?

Somebody that cries constantly over minor things can hardly complain if they aren't taken seriously. I can see that logically that's unfair, but it's also entirely visceral - inability to hold back tears over matters of little consequence is something that we associate with small children.

I've always felt that some degree of stoicism is a very important thing. People crying and raging in non-extreme situations is often unpleasant, embarrassing or frightening for others and I do think we often owe it to those around us to keep our emotions in check.