do you turn on the water works for sympathy

[mrsfuzzy]

my dm does this, a lot, when anything/one goes against her, drives me mad, are you a guilt tripper or a teary type, do you know one ? we won't fall out over it , just interested.

[WoburnSands]

mrsfuzzy I totally get it, my mum used to cry when things were not going 100% to her liking, rather than at an understandably distressing situation. e.g - trying out a new dish and family not liking it - see Ria from 'Butterflies ' -

[TheNaze73]

I don't think it's a horrible post in the slightest. I work with people that definitely have in answer to your question OP

[HopeClearwater]

Not an especially horrible post.

I find women are expected to cry in preference to showing anger. That really annoys me.

[Pestilence13610]

So it really is best to ignore cryers?

[Laiste]

Crikey i cry at the drop of a hat and i hate it. If it's out of anger or sorrow i can't speak at all and it feels like i'm being strangled. Really bloody annoying if it's during an argument as it looks like begging for sympathy. (i cry at the end of arguments as well! )

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Oh, I remember now! I cried when I got £80 out at the cash point and bloody left it there.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I never cry. Except occasionally watching films, or listening to Elvis Costello's version of She.

I cried when my dad died and I arrived 10 minutes too late at the hospice to be with him. That was more than 5 years ago.

Since then I'm not sure I've cried at all. Maybe once during a row with dh, mainly out of frustration.

[notamummy10]

No.

I can guilt trip people though, without the waterworks... It's not of my best qualities I'll admit.

[Trills]

No, quite the opposite.

When I cry I feel terrible, because I feel that people will think I am trying to manipulate them when in fact I'm not.

Feeling that people will think this makes me more upset and frustrated, so I cry more.

I would prefer you to leave me alone. Do not be nice to me. Just leave me be.

[Bitofacow]

So the question is .......... What do you do when they start blubbing?

I pat and run.

[WhooooAmI24601]

MIL is a crier and gets upset over everything and anything.

I'm not emotional and rarely cry. I wouldn't disparage someone for being emotional, though; DS2 is a weeper when he's tired or upset and it's one of those personality things; DS1 is like me and quite a stoic thing, some people just cry more easily.

I hate that cliche that women turn on the waterworks to get their own way and haven't ever come across anyone who does that (at least, not since I was 5).

[Spudlet]

I try very hard not to cry but sometimes can't help it. If it makes anyone feel better, I do utterly despise myself for this.

[Pestilence13610]

Bito you are not horrid nor is OP

[Pestilence13610]

Felas no I doubt people are going to come on and admit to being emotionally abusive guilt trippers, they will probably come on and attempt to EA the OP.

People have come on and said they are the teary type, and that's all right. We could all do with learning how to support the teary type without causing further upset and embarrassment. Is it best to pretend not to notice, allow an escape route for composure or give them sympathy?

There is a difference amongst people who cry, it's good to discuss.

[Bitofacow]

I have to try really hard NOT to cry and I do that so I don't manipulate others therefore when others do it it drives me mad. When this happens I feel bad and upset but suck it up. How am I the baddie in that situation?

You may feel this is a horrid thread but it makes me feel better to know others struggle with being manipulated. When someone is crying I choose not to confront them. I need to vent somewhere.

And now I am being horrid, wow thanks.

[Felascloak]

I agree with very. Horrible post and as if anyone's going to come on and say they deliberately cry to manipulate people. Instead people are going to share stories of all the horrible women they know who do that. Yuck.
" turning on the waterworks" is a nasty phrase for starters.
And yes, I know I didn't need to click on the thread but I wanted to see if it would be as bad as thought. And it is.

[WoburnSands]

I can remember my mum doing it in 1990

[brambly]

Salmotrutta - I'm the same (minus the anger - I do get very volcanically angry from time to time which I'm working hard on).

I haven't really properly cried in about a decade (I'm 25).

I have to admit I really don't like it when other people cry over ostensibly minor things, I find it very embarrassing although always try to be sympathetic.

And there are women (and probably some men too) that turn on the waterworks to elicit sympathy, why is it misogynistic to say so? It's true! Surely it's a great deal more chauvinistic to cynically make use of ugly stereotypes?

Somebody that cries constantly over minor things can hardly complain if they aren't taken seriously. I can see that logically that's unfair, but it's also entirely visceral - inability to hold back tears over matters of little consequence is something that we associate with small children.

I've always felt that some degree of stoicism is a very important thing. People crying and raging in non-extreme situations is often unpleasant, embarrassing or frightening for others and I do think we often owe it to those around us to keep our emotions in check.

[Salmotrutta]

I never cry.

Not even at deaths - don't know why.

Im not stoical - I get tense, angry and anxious, bottling everything up - I just can't cry.

I'm sure people think I'm a cold fish.

[Andrewofgg]

KurriKurri I am sure you are right - it's just that this particular form of emotional manipulation is a mainly female preserve. Horses for courses; or perhaps mares and stallions but that wouldn't rhyme

[Doggity]

What's the AIBU?

[Rosae]

I cry when I'm happy, sad, disappointed, angry, frustrated. Not always full on tears, but eyes welling up and flushing. I do not do it for sympathy and actually the times when it might be useful to ' turn on the waterworks' are generally the times when it is most in control. I have been accused of using it to guilt trip before and generally find that so upsetting to hear (that I cry) as they must think very low of me to think I would do that. It is totally uncontrollable (I blame my mum lol).

[acasualobserver]

Is it actually physically possible to make yourself cry?

My grandmother could. She was a pretty accomplished amateur actress and I witnessed her switch on the tears once to avoid a speeding ticket. However, people who can really cry at will - rather than those who just cry easily - are probably quite rare.

[BigFatTent]

My (abusive) ex does this. He's incredibly manipulative. It happened frequently when we were together and then there would be the stories about how I'd made him cry. I rarely cry but was certainly not allowed to in his company. That would get him angry.

I've also known women who do it.