AIBU to ask you what you think of this verses?

[StopWhateverUDoing]

English is second language for our family.
I want kids to have fun studying it, so came up with my version of verses my son loves, but not so sure if the language is appropriate for kids aged 8.

If you woke up really early,
do not play your fancy toys!
Better wake up mummy, daddy, brother, sister,
and the dog.
Kick your brother, make a poodle
on your sister's new ipad
And then everybody'll hug you,
smile and kiss your chubby bum.

I wouldnt say the language is innapropriate but it doesnt make much sense :)

I'd wonder why your 8yo can't play with his toys without waking everyone up first, and why you're kissing his bum. He's a bit old for that.

What is it you're trying to teach him? Why would he study that? If you want him to learn English, you'd be better off sticking to books written by native English speakers.

The verse is about his 1 yo sister, actually .
There are family members, some noons and verbes, present and past tense. Quite a few things to learn, actually.

I have to second Violet He will be better learning English from English books.

I don't think the language is inappropriate, just not structured properly, such as "play your fancy toys" should be "play with your fancy toys"

Also make a poodle on your sisters new ipad doesn't make sense, do you mean draw a poodle? As in the dog?

It's some kind of funny verses for kids who won't obey, but do to the contrary. The idea is to ask for behaviour opposite to what you'd like to get.

some noons and verbes, present and past tense. Quite a few things to learn, actually.

But what you are trying to teach is incorrect English, If You are teaching him the wrong way he will struggle at school to grasp the correct way.

Sorry but that's dire!

NoFuchsGiven, could you write, what is incorrect there apart from playing with the toys?

Mummaaaaaah, what's so dire about it?

The first line, "if you woke up" is past tense, the rest of it seems like it should be future tense, as its advising what to do in the event of waking early.

"Better wake up" should probably be "it is better to wake up"

Abc the poodle stuff makes no sense at all

Oh, OP - at least you're trying! Have previous posters missed the part where the OP said English is their second language?! I love silly verse but I might just leave out the 'kick your brother' bit - it could be misunderstood and taken literally....

P.s do you mean 'puddle' rather than 'poodle'?

Yes but Jess, if the point of the verse is to teach English tenses, verbs and nouns, then it should be correct. Otherwise she's making life much harder for her son when he is taught the opposite at school. If it was just a silly verse then yes, it's fine.

Is this to do with your translation work? It sounds like homework!

Oh and as someone else said 8 year old's don't have "chubby bums" and certainly not for kissing!

If you wake up really early
And don't know what to do
Why not scream and yell and bang...that's what good kids do!

Kick your brother,
Sing with the dog
Preferably on Mum's bed
Then turn up the telly and do a dance...maybe on Dad's head!

VioletBam, thanks a lot :) love your version!
Not a homework, just having fun, although he has some silly verses for summer reading in his native language.
It was puddle :)

ItShouldHaveBeenJess, I know my writing is below standard and that's exactly why first I posted here before teaching the kid.

If you wake up really early,
Don't play with your fancy toys!
Wake up mummy, daddy, siblings
And don't forget to wake the dog.

Kick your brother, draw a picture
On your sister's new ipad
Sing and dance with all your family
Then down for breakfast and the day ahead

Or maybe "- the day's ahead!" at the end. I think it would scan better

CarrotVan, typical morning!
Cheers to everybody who suggested their versions - the kid is interested in something in English at last!!!