Take a Break stories

[Fanfeck]

And all similar kind of magazines...

The headlines are flinch worthy, usually always stories of dreadful child abuse, rape, incest, peodiphile fathers and husbands.

I imagine it's the kind of sick tragic stuff that abusers and peodiphiles actually get off on reading themselves and yet they're holiday makers favourites around the pool etc!

AIBU to wonder how there is such a high demand for people's ruined childhoods etc?

DH sold a story to TAB once. He did the most amazing sad face. It was horrendous and they made 75% of it and his 'quotes' up!

N.B his head did not explode during sex, nor is he some kind of monster. He was the victim of said story.

Never got one myself, but my mum read them 30 years ago or so: Woman's Weekly and Take A Break. I don't remember them being so sensational as all that so must have got worse over the years.
WW had a gardeners section, cooking and knitting patterns - have they moved over for 3inbed romps, then?

"Life! Death! Prizes!"

I rather shamefully kind of like TAB. My Nan always used to read it. I generally don't read the abuse stories and they've definitely upped the ante with those. I hate mis lit and wished they'd go back to how it used to be.

I love the way certain things are written. Babies are always 'pushed out into the world.' The way they are coy about things to build suspense, like 'I went to the chemist and got something' and it will be a pregnancy test.

I know someone who sold her story to a trashy mag (I forget which one). It was all about her shagging someone else's husband and him leaving his wife and three kids for her, but it was all fine because they were soulmates.

You'll be shocked to know that it didn't do her any favours with her new neighbours (they moved into a house previously owned by Cheating Twat and his wife).

The one time I read one I had personal interest and knowledge. (child with similar disabilities to one of my own) and it was so full of wrong information (ending with a money appeal) that I reckoned they were actually on the wrong side of obtaining money by deception.
And that was before you got to stupid statements like "he's a brilliant dad. He just couldn't cope with dc's disability so he left after we found out. But he really is the best dad ever-he sees the older children at least once a month although he can't cope with dc with the disability yet as it makes him too upset." Said child was about 18 months. If that's a brilliant dad, it doesn't say much about the poor ones.

I pick the ones with the craziest stories. The ones like "Axe wielding dog took my oven hostage!!" Good for a laugh and a bit of light reading.

The top tips are always hilarious - people covering empty margarine tubs with wrapping paper and giving them as Xmas gifts as jewellery boxes or whatever. 'My daughter was thrilled with her unique gift!' Yeah, I bet she was.

The Viz spoofs were better though - Ladies, a metallic single- cigar case filled with angry bees makes an inexpensive vibrator!.

Joyriders - spend the day sleeping in a chest freezer then later on that night when you're running from the scene of a crash, the Police helicopter infra - red camera won't detect you.

'I made this funky sleeping bag out of an old T shirt and a teatowel, people are always asking me where I bought it!'

They're not.

I used to love take a break they would go on about how rhey were thrilled when there gorgeous partner asked rhem out as he was so gorgeous he could have anyone and then they print a picture of a bloke with a face like a melted welly and nearly toorhless i especially enjoyed the 75 yr old women going to turkey finding 21 yr old love of their lives everybody says it wont last but they know it will

What makes me really angry is that they're placed at child eye height on the shelves of small supermarkets.

Complain then. They are on high shelves in my local independent newsagents and Sainsbury's, Tesco and WHSmiths.

I had to stand on tiptoe to get down copies of Chat and TAB this afternoon to find out what the OP was outraged about. I am 5ft 4ins. Sadly too tall to be able to sell my story of hot dwarf sex with my hubby.

Dwarf is an acceptable term according to Warwick Davis and Peter Dinklage, before anyone gets a bit trigger happy on the report button.

"Face like a melted willy" hahahaha

Oh yeah, the weekly Turkish love rat story, usually a few pages on from the Nigerian 419 love scammer story, just before the 'my dad fucked my boyfriend and now I'm in love with HIS MUM' story

I buy them when no one is looking...

They are no different from MN really.

There's one called Love It!

It cracks me up. There'll be some tragic headline "Hero Hubby Died For Kitten" and right beside it in big letters, LOVE IT!

They are quite pro woman and non judgemental in a way, even the stories where the woman is shagging half the town or whatever. Compared with the DM take on similar. ...

I love the language though
The women always fall pregnant, and they meet Steve down their local, he has a cheeky smile and is a carpet fitter....

I might send DH to the shops for a couple, plus some Galaxy

They are quite pro woman and non judgemental in a way, even the stories where the woman is shagging half the town or whatever. Compared with the DM take on similar. ...

Very true

I'm off sugar, caffeine and alcohol for two weeks and I need something to reward myself with when I've done the pre-cleaner clean up tonight.

This thread has solved all my problems

Always on a rare night they will meet steve the carpet fitter, and they never have sex they make love

I appeared in "Love It" (or some similarly titled sad rag).

It was to do with exDH's business and they did a total non story complete with made up quotes about me giggling at women who fancied him because"I knew he was coming home with me".

I was so embarrassed and,wanted to torch every existing copy. I didn't want to do it in the first place and exDH talked me into it by promising me a night out on the £250 fee.

Trust me it wasn't worth it.

Oh and I had a scraped back Essex ponytail at the time. The horror...

They always scoff takeaways every night in the weightloss stories too. Then they switch to grilled chicken breasts and salads, slimming to a healthy size 12

I think it would be fun to work for one of those magazines actually, at least the more light hearted ones without the child abuse stories. I bet there's some craic in their offices and good cake

I know someone who was in Love It actually. It was a weight loss story. She was really pleased with how it came out.

I had a TAB today. Guilty pleasure.

Front page headline: "I spent two grand to marry my dogs!!!!"

Inside: "... to each other, after their first litter together, to make me feel better about my hurried shotgun wedding two decades before."

A child sex abuse story with an uplifting ending (spoiler: she pushed the CPS to pursue all the charges and her stepfather pleaded guilty so she didn't have to appear in court).

Uplifting medical miracle.

Woman dyes and shortens her wedding dress for her silver wedding anniversary ... and ruby and gold. Husband is now dead so she's saving it for her coffin.

Well-timed photos of people falling over.

And a couple of Jeremy Kyle ones - "at the end of the day, she was just a woman I had a baby with."