To ask what I did wrong with DC1 (re picky eating!!) before weaning baby no.2?!

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The title says it all really. DS is now just 4 (soon to start reception) and as picky as he was aged 2. The foods he currently likes have changed over that time - a lot, actually- but he always has a List of foods he will and won't eat and just obsesses about them until things slightly change. At mealtimes I either feel like a total failure (for just serving the ridiculous plain food that he will eat) or wound up with tension (for daring to serve something I know he won't touch for the sake of variety).

His baby sister is 4.5 months and as I start to think about puréed etc again I'm just wondering how the two of them eating will influence one another, hoping she won't pick up his habits 'no I don't like it' etc and wondering what I can do differently to make sure I don't end up with two fusspots!!

Anyone been there and got knowledge?!

We did baby led weaning with dd and she was great until she turned 3 then became Mrs Fuss pot.

DS is 22mo and we did a mix of mush and finger foods and he eats everything but I'm fully prepared that this may change on a year or so.

Imo fussy kids just are and I live in hope that with gentle encouragement they will eventually grow out of it.

Baby led weaning and forget about cajoling, begging, pleading. Put the food down, let the kid eat the bits they want then clear up - done.

None of the, 'just try a bit...two more bites and you can have pudding...you're not getting down til you've eaten half...' etc

I'd hate to be pushed into eating foods I don't like. Let them find their own appetite.

It's normal for people to like and dislike different foods. It's not normal to feel like a failure because of what someone else chooses to eat.

I treated both mine the same.
DS will eat most things
DD is still very picky, was terrible as a toddler with very limited range.
They are 12 and 14 now........
I think it just depends on the child

Sparrowhawk - it is normal to feel like a failure. As a parent you feel as if you have failed in your caring responsibility if you cannot provide something your child will eat - let alone something healthy. A fussy eater is a real drain on your confidence as a parent.

I don't consider that normal and I don't think it's fair to expect a child to validate a parent's self confidence in that way.

I remember tutting at others whose children were fussy, one boy only ate bread and jam (not even butter). But that was when my DCs were small, now mine and everyone else's are normal healthy adults. So I wouldn't fret too much.

It's got nothing to do with the child validating the parent's confidence. It's how you feel in failing to do what is right for your child.
Do you not feel guilty or a failure if your child hurts itself in someway that you probably could have prevented by eg not leaving something on the floor to trip over, or noticing a sharp corner beforehand? It's the same.
I'm guessing you've never had a truly fussy eater....

Yeah I did baby led weaning with him and from 6 months to about 20 months he was an absolute joy at meal times - honestly. No trouble at all and I enjoyed cooking and eating with him so much!

Then the range of foods he would eat gradually narrowed until by about 2.5 we really were worried. Even asked for advise from the health visitor etc. It has never really improved. The things he eats change - at first everything he would eat was actually really healthy, if restricted, bc I hadn't given him anything that wasn't! It now he has been introduced to crisps, snack foods, beige foods like bloody turkey dinosaurs (by DH not me I hasten to add) and sugary cereals, and predictably prefers those.

I don't think we did anything 'wrong' when he was a baby but maybe when he first got 'fussy' I should have just ignored it and carried on offering lots of foods rather than what he 'wanted' iyswim.

Wow thanks Sparrowhawk so helpful!!

My DS is 11 months and when weaned him we done purée for 3 days then just mashed up whatever we was having for dinner and left it in front of him
He will eat pretty much anything you put in front of him now but that might change as he gets older

If your DC won't eat broccoli for example try making mini broccoli and cheese muffins, if you offer that food in a different form some DC will be like mine and eat it. These are ds favourite

If your DC says it doesn't like something do offer it 1/2 more times, my ds didn't liked baked apple first or second time but 3 rd time cleared the lot.

Imo fussy kids just are and I live in hope that with gentle encouragement they will eventually grow out of it.

^^This.

With bells on.

Just mash up your normal food, stick it in front of baby. Even if you put something on the plate your DC doesn't appear to like next time you make that meal put that not liked item of food on the plate anyway it takes a baby a fair few tastes to know it Absouletly doesn't like it

I agree with pp about offering not liked food in different forms ie in muffins, this works with some DC.

You did nothing wrong, fussy eaters are just like that.

I am a little bit fussy, but I like most things. DH likes pretty much everything.

DD1 was the fussiest child I've ever known. She didn't really enjoy any food as a toddler, she just wanted milk. She's 19 now and still quite fussy.

DD2 was never fussy. She was always happy to try anything and liked most food. I weaned them both the same way. After DD1 I felt that it was my fault she wouldn't eat, but after having DD2 I realised that it was just the way she was.

I agree with the poster who said fussy kids just ARE and there's not a lot you can do about it.
I have three children DS1 was fairly picky as a baby bit nothing outstanding, become pretty fussy as he got older and now will eat anything except eggs, mushrooms and offal
DD1 was a dream as a baby, would eat anything up til she was two, then became super fussy, with at one point, an entire repertoire of noodles, couscous, cabbage, nuts and olives as will as crap like sweets, crisps. She is still - at 12 - fussy and will not try anything if she does not like the look or sound of it. Very frustrating.
DS2 was very difficult to wean and would not take solids until he was about 9-10 months old, but now eats absolutely anything except eggs.
All children were weaned in the same way on the same foods, it's just the luck of the draw.
My pet hate is people whose children will eat anything and they honestly think it's because they have done everything right. No it's not, it's because you have been lucky! Fay Riply, I AM thinking of you!
And to those people who think that letting the children help you cook will mean they will eat the end results. No they won't, they will recoil when they see what has gone into the dish. Jamie Oliver I AM thinking of you!

Do be careful not to let yourself fall into a set way of thinking that your ds intrinsically is fussy eater and this is because of something you have done. Plenty of children are fussy and anxious over control issues at ages 3-4; they do not all stay that way. Some do, some don't. Dd was normally fussy as a young child; perfectly easy by 10 or so and still easy as a young adult. Ds fairly easy-going toddler, fussy between ages 3-14, much better as an older teenager.

Oh YES Cathf, the other thing I've tried is letting him help me in the kitchen, he loves helping with simple dishes, putting things in saucepans etc, grating cheese, still won't try it though!!!

I'm with those above who say some fussy eaters just are, and will eventually grow out of it. I have 4 yo DTs (so many opportunities for 'controlled trials', ha!) and 1 has always eaten anything and everything, whilst the other is a bit of a fusspot.

The only think I can suggest is using the sibling relationship to try and help your DC1 as well? If you can get him involved in preparing food and helping to wean DC2, maybe it'll broaden his horizons a bit too and help him to go back to being more experimental?

I don't know whether it would work with your age gap but I find DT1 will often coax DT2 to try things she thinks are yummy where I would have no luck at all.

My DS 3.5 has a very adventurous appetite - he'll eat everything from mussels to kale, lentils to lemons. The only thing he is less keen on is spicy food and some types of lettuce.

Recently however he's had much fussier phases and some days will only want to eat toast or plain pasta and fruit. I decide what he eats and put the unwanted foods on his plate anyway, but tell him he doesn't have to eat them if he complains. He liked them before so they can't be that bad.

I do eat a varied diet and apparently what you eat in pregnancy and while breastfeeding for the first 3 months has some bearing, but honestly I think it's just chance. He just likes eating. I didn't do anything different to friends who have really fussy kids.

Tbh I think you should try to chill out about it a bit with your DS just serve what you know he'll eat and every so often pop something new along side it. Don't stress if he doesn't try it hopefully he will eventually. As long as he is healthy and growing I wouldn't worry. It's definately nothing you've done and really common.

I have 3 dc, 5 and under, and the older 2 are ridiculously fussy so I get how frustrating and upsetting it can be. The way I deal with it is by not making too much effort when cooking and giving them vitamin drops!

I read somewhere that most toddlers go through a fussy stage at around 2 years old, harks back to rejecting food that might not be safe etc etc. From experience it is how you handle this stage that is key.

Accept there will be foods they won't eat. Still make these foods and have them on their plate. We went from having say veggies on the plate, to licking them, to trying one bite etc etc. Now both mine eat a full range of previously refused vegetables.

Don't force, cajole or bribe. Serve up the food, if they don't like it take it away without comment but no snacks/other food until the next mealtime.

Cut down on snacks overall.

When they are older, getting them involved in cooking, choosing recipes etc helps.

I read a book called 'French kids eat everything'. Whilst lots of it wasn't practical for us there are some good hints and tips.

Now, I accept you can do all this and still have a fussy eater but for us it did work. You do have to question why eating habits of children are so different in other countries and we can learn a few things from different cultures I think.

I think it is down to personality. Dc1 is fussy, Dc2 eats everything. I find Dc2 puts pressure on Dc1 to try new things so hopefully Dc1 will grow out of being fussy

Fan advice on here, also, don't forget that their palates change as they get older. My now 12 yr old was shocking as a toddler and it carried on well into Junior School. I tried to stay calm about it (and mostly succeeded!) let him have his 'safe' foods and gently encouraged him to try new things. Very very slowly he has become more adventurous. We have just had a week's holiday in Crete and he has tried, and enjoyed, a wide range of foods he'd never have considered even a year ago. Last night we cooked chilli nachos together because he'd had it on holiday and enjoyed it.
Some of them do get there eventually, some may remain fussy as others have mentioned.
Try to keep your relaxed approach with next baby and you'll be just fine! Good luck.

Fab not fan!

Really good advice Delatron. That's definitely what I aim for but I suspect I've been vey inconsistent over the years and DH certainly has too. At one point when DH had to do nursery drop off (and he was in a phase of not wanting to go) sh would just bribe him with a freddo to get in the car - this was twice a week on a regular basis!! I found out when I took him one morning and he asked where his freddo was 🙄