To ask how to tell the difference between a man who isn't interested and one who is hiding his feelings

[Qedwai]

Please settle an argument at work.

I reckon there's a lot of differences between how a man who is not interested in a woman will behave, and a man who secretly has feelings for a woman but is hiding them (either because he has no intention of acting on them or because he is afraid of rejection) will behave.

My work colleagues think there's no difference as if the man has no intention of acting on his feelings than he's technically not interested so won't act interested.

What would you say are the differences you would expect to see?

It depends on how good the one who's hiding his feelings is at hiding his feelings. You can't see what's not there.

I will be interested to see the replies.

If you're not interested you will be completely normal like you are with everyone else.

If you're hiding feelings you will often go out of your way to avoid them, be standoffish, try to make them jealous, be jealous, make a big point of the fact you're interested in other people. Love can't be hidden well, I think it shows the more you hide it to be honest.

Perhaps there are differences, but I sure wouldn't notice them.
Someone secretly interested would probably look at you when he thinks you won't notice.
Or avoid you seemingly without reason.

All very subtle. And in the end, does it matter? If someone doesn't want you to know that he's interested, then he probably has a reason, so let him be.

What really gets on my nerves is guys trying to get into my pants in a sneaky way; not saying anything outright, but always being extra-nice to me in a way they aren't to anyone else. Though that's not hiding one's feelings, it's rather obvious behaviour. They probably do it out of fear of rejection, but I think it's cowardice, and it also makes me uncomfortable because as long as they don't say it, I can't reject them, even though I am 99% sure I know what they want.

I'm a bit bemused by this.

If someone fancies someone else, but is in a relationship, say, then they are not interested. It doesn't really matter if they would be interested in other circumstances, does it?

I think that their choices should be respected, rather than having people gossiping and trying to second guess their feelings.

Having met the occasional shy flower whose (openly expressed) intention is that they would like to be coaxed out of their shell and nurtured into sharing their feelings.... run a mile. Emotional manipulation and co dependency not a good recipe for a happy relationship.

Look for someone emotionally healthy enough to use their words and behave like a equal grown up, there's no need then to stand around wondering if he really isn't interested or is secretly brooding like Edward Cullen and just needs the 'right woman' to unlock it all.

The film He's Just Not That In To You springs to mind here :)

my dh exw apparently complained alot about what a complete twat she boss was for around three months, then she ran off with him, speaks volumes, but it was a smoke screen.