To daydream about fucking up her 40th?

[imnotbeingfunnyright]

Background: very rocky relationship with DH. In 2014, after two years of suspecting his affair and his denials he eventually came clean. Said its over but they're still friends but since me and DH now separated were still living together with our 2 kids I couldn't give a toss... Apart from the times I realise he's taken me for a total mug and I feel pure boiling rage. He is so obviously still seeing her.

I've just looked on her work Facebook page to see that there's a huge party planned for her 40th birthday tonight. Surprise surprise, he's working elsewhere this weekend (he's a shopfitter, often abroad or elsewhere in UK). No doubt there's been a present bought with money that could have gone towards our mortgage arrears.

I have spent the day fantasising about ruining this auspicious occasion. Usually along the lines of my kicking the pub doors I open just as a cake is presented, spitting on it then shoving both their stupid faces in it. If a candle takes someone's eye out, then so be it.

Any other suggestions? I'm enjoying my time here.

Run in Al Pacino stylie with a machine gun shouting "say hello to my little friend"

I like the idea of saying you are going to the pub and are just letting him know X will be looking after the DC tonight, just in case he calls home and wonders why you aren't there.

Then see how he reacts.

I agree with PP that it's really not healthy to still be living together. Have you seen a solicitor? I would start the divorce process rolling and let that take care of the financial situation. Very unlikely you would have to buy him out.........

Oh yea you have to do what sandy says. Maybe just text him the info as I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face

Take all his belongings, wrap them up in cute birthday paper with a card saying 'hope you enjoy from

Send them to the venue. She will think she has all these gifts and he will slowly recognise items 😂

It worked out well for me.

Local paper had mine and my Aunts name listed backwards against a picture.

She sent me a Wreath and put obituary in paper.

I was 14, gave 0 Fucks (didn't really sink in until I was 30) and got so much guilt attention from everyone who knew my Aunts was shagging said woman's fella.

I milked it dry.

Really I should say rise above them but I'd be steaming myself so I vote Send a singogram : (sang to tune of happy birthday)

"Awful Birthday to you,
You'll get what you're due!
Enjoy my sloppy seconds
And choke on them too! "

If you say the general area and I'm nearby I'll totally go in costume as a zombie or clown or whatever! (Unlikely as not in UK but just putting it out there....)

But be all nonchalant, saying only If you can be bothered to get dressed up so you don't have to make an excuse when you don't turn up. And he'll never know if you were on a wind up or a genuine guest

a load of skid marked Y fronts in a lovely gift bag: "these are your problem now, enjoy, p.s. he likes lavender scented fabric softener"

Call the venue and cancel the party, glue the locks so they can't get in to prepare

Oh and a £50 whSmiths voucher from the paper A. Wrong names B. Not checking I was dead.

Set the fire alarm off

Just turn up. Be really lovely and friendly . Take a gift. Smile.
They'll expect some kind of Carrie scene.

Ha ha aha ha

The best thing is always to move on but I have found its the daydreams that get you there !!

Borrow a big white van off a mate and park it next to the window where the party is

With : "Her name is fucking my husband"

Spray painted on a sheet attached to the side obviously

Send a different take away every half hour to the pub in her name

Turn up with a friend (both wear modest long skirts and long sleve tops)
Hug her
Say "we're so excited that you're joining our family, we weren't sure if we'ld ever find a suitable 3rd wife after "last time", but we all agree that you'll fit in perfectly.
Then Creepy-smile at her with too much eye contact, try not to even blink.

I bet we could get enough MNers nearby and we could organise to meet outside the venue and all storm in with you claiming to be various other women he's also cheating with.

Loads of friends with their dogs. Walk in declaring you had hired it for your dog training night

Report the venue as being a drugs den.

And that she is running a whore house behind the scenes.

OP, how long do you think you'll be living together for?

the situation must be absolutely shit.

I'd be tempted to storm in there wearing my wedding dress wielding a flamethrower.

Post on the local Spotted facebook group that the person who has been letting their dog foul (name of local residental roads and a local park) and refusing to pick it up is going to be there and her name is OW.

VladmirsPoutine I don't know. I've had other things to think about - both parents been very ill and there's only so much headspace I can give him. Hopefully in the new year...

Can we do a zombie bride in clown shoes with a flame thrower?

be sorely tempted to pee in her prosecco...