To daydream about fucking up her 40th?

[imnotbeingfunnyright]

Background: very rocky relationship with DH. In 2014, after two years of suspecting his affair and his denials he eventually came clean. Said its over but they're still friends but since me and DH now separated were still living together with our 2 kids I couldn't give a toss... Apart from the times I realise he's taken me for a total mug and I feel pure boiling rage. He is so obviously still seeing her.

I've just looked on her work Facebook page to see that there's a huge party planned for her 40th birthday tonight. Surprise surprise, he's working elsewhere this weekend (he's a shopfitter, often abroad or elsewhere in UK). No doubt there's been a present bought with money that could have gone towards our mortgage arrears.

I have spent the day fantasising about ruining this auspicious occasion. Usually along the lines of my kicking the pub doors I open just as a cake is presented, spitting on it then shoving both their stupid faces in it. If a candle takes someone's eye out, then so be it.

Any other suggestions? I'm enjoying my time here.

[Caramellattelady]

Oh man, I feel for you- have been in almost this exact situation.

A note of caution- I drove myself fucking insane walking round imagining the perfect thing to say/do to her. It's healthy for a while and then tips into being really not at all!

But for tonight, enjoy the hypothetical plotting :)

[Littlepeople12345]

Lots of these ideas are fucking brilliant.

[Empress13]

Advertise on FB where the party is and all are welcome LOL

[FreeFromHarm]

Crispbutty, that is ace....

[SandyPantz]

rather than spooking him in person, leave a note "to yourself" on the fridge:

"Night out with M's mates, venue address, time"

when he asks you "what's this" be furious :"it's none of your business, I don't have to ask your permission to go out with new friends"

[wizzywig]

A poster mentioned upending a buffet table. Heavens no! You cant be mean to a buffet table

[FreeFromHarm]

don a wig, get behind the bar and put an emetic( will make her puch..a lot) it will not just ruin her party...she will feel like shit for a week ...

[Didactylos]

seriously, where are you!
I am so up for party ruining fun and can find a suitable sister wife outfit with optional headscarf

[Crispbutty]

"Spike him with viagra and laxatives before he leaves?"

So he doesn't know if he's coming or going?

[witchywoohoo]

Turn up with a friend (both wear modest long skirts and long sleve tops)
Hug her
Say "we're so excited that you're joining our family, we weren't sure if we'ld ever find a suitable 3rd wife after "last time", but we all agree that you'll fit in perfectly.
Then Creepy-smile at her with too much eye contact, try not to even blink.

That is hilarious

[SandyPantz]

or "why can't daddy live with mommy any more?"

[SandyPantz]

no, scrap that! fill it with THESE!!!!!

20thcenturyprops.co.uk/69/1000-Misc-Props/Vintage-dolls-P344.html

with a recording of 200 childrens voices saying "where's our daddy gone? where's our daddy gone?"

[SandyPantz]

If you're short of willing MNers in fancy dress in the area, fill the venue with these instead: 20thcenturyprops.co.uk/78/Mannequins/

[Guiltypleasures001]

Sneak in with a projector telling her parents your doing her baby years in a slide show, but use your wedding pics, ending with ones of her shagging your stbxh

[Bambamrubblesmum]

Send her a birthday telegram to be read out in front of everyone that says ' congratulations you now have an STI courtesy of the MM you've been shagging- have a nice day!'

It make her worry for a while!

[MeDownSouth]

remind me never to cross you lot :)

[Guiltypleasures001]

Bury land mines in the car park and give her the map to get through done in Braille

[imnotbeingfunnyright]

Derek must find a way to monetise this evil genius skill. Dragons Den it!

[happypoobum]

Ooh yes! I like the idea of dozens of MNers turning up at the venue. I will do it

[debbs77]

This is pants for you! I really think you should panic him though! Even if it is just for a laugh and you don't actually get a sitter!

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

or literally send shit

[dangermouseisace]

but every suggestion from derek is a gem

[dangermouseisace]

and his to make it even

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

send her these

Fucking genius