AIBU to decline to sponsor a head-shaving to raise money for a cancer charity?

[erinaceus]

An acquaintance requested sponsorship to shave their head to raise money for a cancer charity.

I feel vaguely uneasy about this, and almost repulsed. It strikes me as in massively poor taste. I do not plan to mention my disapproval, but I almost feel moved to make a separate donation to the cancer charity, which of course I can go ahead and do. However the strength of my emotional reaction came as a bit of a shock to me - it's not as if I lost my own hair to chemotherapy or know anyone close to me who did.

I typically sponsor people for things, as long as it is a cause I support - this is my choice and I know that not everyone likes to sponsor people, which I think is totally fine. This one, however, just feels wrong to me.

I have no plans to say anything to the person who asked for sponsorship - I do not know them that well. I was more trying to understand whether in general this is seen as someone raising funds by being a good sport or whether other people see it as a fundraising exercise that misses the mark.

My Mam lost her hair last year too chemo. I decided that I would shave half mine a kind of undercut in solidarity and she went crackers.

YANBU too feel the way you do. Different people have different feelings.

for kurri and everyone else affected. Cancers just a pure bastard.

I did loose all my hair when having chemotherapy and I don't mind the idea of it one bit. I think it's great that someone wants to make any effort to raise money for charity in this world. Good for them.

milpool

They take donations from 15cm/6 inches. Pics on my profile. That was 3 years growth. Obviously it does take years, but once it is pony tail length - well it goes in a pony tail and that can grow without any fuss or real thought.

I'm glad the message is getting out about LPT/hair donation

KurriKurri

Totally agree with your post - my mum's hair was s similar colour to mine - fair - not quite blonde but when it grew back the first time after chemo it was black. The second time it came back fair again.

I took methotrexate for a few years for arthritis - it is obviously a much lower dose than when it is used to treat cancer, but that would knock me out for 24-48 hours (I have no idea how people cope who have it in the larger doses). My hair thinned, I didn't lose it all but when it grew back it grew back it was lighter and wavy.

Oh and the mouth ulcers - don't forget the mouth full of ulcers you get from the treatment.

My son lost his hair to chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I asked him at the time if he wanted me to shave my hair in solidarity - he said no at that time. Last ditch chemo (didn't work) 2 years later he asked me if that time I would shave my hair off. I did and we raised £3500 although I didn't do it to raise money. When my friends, family, my son's school teachers and friends saw me they all wanted to donate so I suppose I raised money in the days after. I was proud to do it for my son.

Kurri amazing post

YANBU. I wouldn't donate to this either.

As for the people saying the shaved hair goes to make wigs for cancer patients - the vast majority of donated hair is either unusable or is sold for cosmetic wigs for healthy people.

My DP is doing brave the shave next month jn memory of my dad who had just died of cancer. It's a big deal because he's quite vain about his hair. It's appropriate for us as a family because my dad would have pissed himself laughing at bald DP.

If people don't want to sponsor him the don't have to. We aren't holding guns to heads.

I can't run even around the block but I think I would rather do a 5k than shave my hair. Hair (usually for women more so) is part of their identity and therefore I personally think a lot harder to do than a run.

For me, asking for sponsorship is about taking the person out of their comfort zone. I literally have a massive fear of flying so I think doing a sky dive would warrant sponsorship if I did one. For others doing a sky dive would be easy iyswim

What's a few pounds?

A packet of fags
A take-away
A bottle of wine

YABU

As for the people saying the shaved hair goes to make wigs for cancer patients - the vast majority of donated hair is either unusable or is sold for cosmetic wigs for healthy people.

Do you have any proof / sources for this? LPT web page says We don’t sell hair under any circumstances. Are they lying?

www.littleprincesses.org.uk/donate-hair

YANBU to feel the way you do.

My cousin 'shaved for a cure' last year when her 8YO DD was going though chemo and had lost all her hair.

She raised a lot of money and it was a hugely emotional experience for all of them. At the last minute her DD's best friend decided to do it, too. I thought that was pretty amazing.

Can't decide if YABU or not. I have to say this campaign makes me uncomfortable, partly for the fact that not everyone having chemo loses their hair but also for the sheer amount of money spent publicising it. I would be interested to see what their projected gains are. I personally prefer to give to the smaller cancer charities.

Fwiw DM had chemo and lost her hair. She found it unbearable and kept every strand that fell out. If I had offered to shave my head 'in solidarity' she would have been horrified. I find it difficult to see how shaving your head can show empathy to the mental, emotional and physical roller coaster that is chemo.

I'm with you op and kurri put my reasoning into words better than I could.
It's the making a spectacle of it that makes me feel uneasy, though I recognise not everyone does this. Doing it in solidarity with a cancer sufferer though, is different, though there will be many people doing bravetheshave because of a relative.

""When you lose your hair to chemo, you have no choice, it's not just the loss of hair, it's the loss of control, the loss of confidence in your body, when your hair eventually grows back, it is not the same - it looks different and feels different.""

I totally agree with the sentiment behind that and would like to add that other health conditions can cause hair loss, but people don't mimic the symptoms for those Charities.

This may cloud my opinion, but I've known Women who have shaved their head and their supporters. They aren't or haven't become any less judgemental, on a day to day level, of others, whose appearance isn't what they think that it should be.

They'll still make comments, about random Women, such as, "there's no need to be looking like..., or have ... (Teeth/skin/nails) that looks like that".

Well said Kurri, that's exactly how I feel. Loss of head hair is a visible sign of cancer, but only part of the hair loss. For me losing eyelashes and nose hair was worse - dry gritty eyes and a nose that ran like a tap. When my hair started coming out after chemo I got my hairdresser to shave down to a number 1 to reduce the discomfort. Actually you still have hair with a number 1 so I didn't exactly look like a cancer patient until the those hairs and the eyebrows went.

I finished chemo 2 months ago and I'm back up to a number 2 but it's grey and patchy so I still wear scarves. Chemo effects can carry on for months afterwards. I still have numbness and tingling in my fingers and toes and I lost part of a toenail a few days ago, and another one is black and will probably come off soon.

I think the single most useful thing someone can do to support cancer is to give blood, but I understand that not everyone can do this. I think fundraising is generally a good thing, but I'm not wild about this campaign.

I'm going to second team GB. I lost my hair to chemo last year, and it was sort of okay, not great, but not as devasting as I had expected. Then I lost my eyebrows and my eyelashes. And my scalp burnt for weeks and weeks. And I was devastated. If you don't have hair on your head, ( I'm not saying this is easy) you can wear a scarf or wig but when you loose your eyebrows and lashes there is no way to see your reflexion and forget the story it is telling.
I'm not against head shaving to support etc and I commend the people who feel able to do it, but it does make me uneasy and reminds me of all the times in history people have had their heads shaved to punish or shame them.

I think this is a great idea however....

www.themagicyarnproject.com/beanies-needed/

It's called the magic yarn project and they knit wigs for children with cancer.

Ever tried raising money for charity, it is hard ?

You cannot just waive a bucket at people and expect people to give you donations. Some time, effort, thought, promotion and organisation is required

I had my very long hair shaved for Macmillan and donated hair to Little Princess trust
I know people who have cancer now or who had cancer, so I chose the charities carefully
I had weeks afterwards with no or little hair (but that was ok, because it was for a good cause)

We are bombarded with constant requests to donate to charities and we all have our favourite charities that we like to donate to.

I do not regret shaving my head

I do not regret donating the money to a worthy cause

Suggestion, for those that do not like donating money, perhaps you would consider donating your; time, skills, unused items, food to a local charity of your choice eg shoebox appeals, skill share, food share

mrsv doesn't that depend on the relationship with the cancer patient?

I witnessed first hand what the chemo did too my Mam. I certainly wasn't taking the piss by offering too shave it. It made her laugh and that was good enough for me.

I also teased her about the radiation turning her wee blue and about the hormones (the cancer treatment started the menopause off) giving her a beard.

Probably lrelephant I feel a bit ranty about the new Macmillan fundraising initiative as my lovely godmother recently died of cancer. She didn't lose her hair and I first heard of the Macmillan headshaving at a particularly emotional time (and I think they used the phrase 'let's stop cancer together' which further enraged me as anyone who has had contact with cancer whether as patient or carer knows it isn't that easy to stop.) Plus I do still have issues with the amount spent on marketing vs what is gained.

I'm not against head shaving as an act of empathy (as yours clearly was and also a pp with a child undergoing chemo) it's just this all feels a bit showy. Yes someone can shave their head but then they can cover it with a wig. There is no real pain or sacrifice here as the hair will grow back and as pps have said they still keep their eyelashes and eyebrows. It just feels a bit ostentatious if that's the right word.

I'm glad your head shaving made your mam laugh, we used to call my mum Golam which she found funny (I think! Sounds awful now.) We all need all the laughs we can get during chemo for sure.

Mrs I'm so sorry for your loss. My family had never really suffered cancer till my Mam got it so it was a bit of a shock.

My Mam was just as bad told everyone my dad was too tight too pay for a funeral.

I see where everyone is com

Posted too soon.

Coming from saying there's no comparison between cancer and shaving their head.

It's a shut disease and I think maybe people just want too do something that they think will help.

Running 5k is a piece of piss. If you can't slowly jog 5k you really should look carefully at your general level of health and fitness.

Shaving your head is a huge sacrifice - how we look and how our hair plays into that is a huge part of our culture and sense of self.

Yello Sweeping. I know lots of people who would have difficulty due to problems with their knees, or their feet, or their back, or their hip, or they have ME. For them, even a slow walk of 5k would be exceptionally difficult or in some cases impossible.

Yello I couldn't agree more, which is why it's so devastating when it happens. However voluntarily shaving your head is a completely different thing. I am fairly confident I could shave my head tonight and while it's growing back I'd use a headscarf or a hat or even get a wig if I need to. What I wouldn't experience is the loss of eyelashes, eyebrows, the chemo pallor in my skin, the length of time you spend with no hair, the 'chemo curl' when it grows back. As a healthy person, shaving my head would be momentary in my life. However training to run something like a marathon, as a non runner, would require a massive amount of effort, pain and sacrifice on my part and so I would ask for sponsorship. Dh on the other hand, as a natural runner, would never dream of asking for sponsorship for running a marathon as it's something that he enjoys and is good at. And I don't know anyone who would ask for sponsorship for running a 5k?