Really worried I handled this badly... 'fat' comments and DS

[LeadTheWay]

Quick background - After having ds2 I was quite over weight, I've been eating very healthily and running alot and dropped over 4 stone. I still have a bit to lose but only about another stone or so. I've had a lot of support from my family and my husband, so my children been aware I'm trying to be healthier and want to lose weight and have been really interested in knowing about healthy foods etc.

So today I was out with my 5 yr old DS1, we passed a lady who was very obese - as we passed her, and really were very close, DS1 said really loudly to me - 'Mummy why is that lady so very, very fat - that can't be good for her heart or bones'. He said it very matter of fact, rather than in a nasty way ifkwim. She obviously heard and I felt awful so I said 'I'm so sorry, he really didn't mean that like that - I've been trying to lose weight so we've had a lot of conversations about health and fitness things - I'm so sorry'. I admit this wasn't probably a great or very eloquent response but I was caught of guard. She just snapped 'maybe you should teach him some fucking manners instead'. I was a quite taken back and just said 'I'm sorry but please I don't think that language is necessary - he's five, he didn't mean it as an insult'. At which point Ds piped up 'you could go running with my mummy'. We hurried off at this point, but as I looked back I am sure this woman was crying.

I've been there where I've felt people's looks and comments and it hurts - I feel terrible. I know she shouldn't have sworn but I think she was just really upset. We were in a very public place and a number of people must have heard the exchange.

I had a really long chat with DS about appropriate comments etc and being respectful of how everyone is different, but can't shake the feeling I should have handled it differently and cannot shake the image of her crying.

I want to go back and say sorry.

[drinkingtea]

• hollier than thou nout though

[DelicatePreciousThing1]

Isn't it the case that most people who lose weight put it back on, anyway? The OP has lost 4 stones and even if she is relatively young, there will be issues with loose skin. What remedy does the OP's sin gave for this problem?

[DelicatePreciousThing1]

...son...

[DelicatePreciousThing1]

...son have...

[ABloodyDifficultWoman]

What Nicki said.

[SolomanDaisy]

When my son commented on someone's physical appearance, I just said it's very rude to comment on people's appearance and we don't do it. If you have any questions about people you see, save them up and ask me in private. He managed to understand this at younger than your DS. He's five now and if he did what your DS did I'd be horrified and agree that I needed to teach him some fucking manners.

[stitchglitched]

I can't believe you told her off for her response. She was obviously feeling hurt and embarassed, you should have just apologised and left her be. She didn't ask to be in a discussion with you and your 5 year old about her weight and frankly any response she gave you should have just sucked up.

[LeadTheWay]

Probably not stitchglitched but I did also have my 2.5 year old with us and it was just a reaction. I handled it badly, I own that!

[amusedbush]

OP is now slim, healthy and attractive because she has the self-control to eat well and go jogging

Good to know that I'm unattractive because I'm a bit fat and don't jog

[RestlessTraveller]

I actually don't think she was rude. She swore in response to an insult from someone who is old enough to know better. Then you had a go at her for her response to being insulted. Unfucking believable!

[pictish]

Some posters on here...honestly.

So the woman was loudly made a focus of and humiliated by this boy's attention, but God forbid she should say fuck in front of him.
Ok then.

OP I think you handled it well actually. You apologised and made a point of teaching your son some fucking manners as the woman suggested. Good on you.

Whoever it was that suggested it might just have been the shaming she needed to do something about her weight - don't be silly.

[BluePancakes]

I don't think you did too badly, OP. My 5yo also 'states things as they are' and has to be reminded not to and occasionally told to simply shut up. At least you were there, and apologised.

I suffer from papulopustular rosacea and, before it was managed, have had other kids ask me if I have chicken pox? if I'm contagious? why I have so many spots? etc. It hurts. But, they were only asking curious questions rather than deliberately being rude, so I don't blame them. I blame their parents who were nowhere around to apologise on their behalf

[Floggingmolly]

It's a load of ⚽️🏐🏀🏉🏈⚾️'s... What 5 year old would listen to a woman he'd just spoken inappropriately to tell his mum he needed to learn some fucking manners; and respond with you should go running with my mum???

[kaitlinktm]

OMG - I have been that fat person (well still am - but I mean in that situation with a young child) and it's just awful. You know it isn't the child's fault but it just makes you feel like sobbing when their words just hang there and people are trying not to snigger - and you feel that they are just waiting until you have gone, or until they get home, and then they will probably have a really good laugh.

It happened to me twice. The first time the mother didn't actually say anything but managed to look as if she thought it was funny. The second person tried to give some kind of apology/explanation about learning about healthy eating but just managed to sound smug and superior although I dare say that wasn't her intention.

On both occasions I went home (or back to work) very upset and on neither occasion was it the straw that broke the camels back and pushed me to be healthier - (yeah, like that's how it happens ) in fact I think I had extra cake.

[NickiFury]

A fantasy one, in some kind of chick lit novel maybe? Or one in an American Family Type "Comedy" programme perhaps?