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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two invitations. Which takes priority?

62 replies

wispywoo1 · 11/08/2016 14:46

A friend has organised a birthday party for her dad. She has a small family and he has few friends so she has invited all of her friends. She really wants everybody to go and is the type to take it personally if you don't go. Her dad is lovely and does deserve a good night. However I've also received an invitation to a hen do on the same evening. I'd much rather go to the hen do as that's for my friend whereas the party is my friends dad. I've already accepted and confirmed the part invitation before the hen do invitation arrived. WIBU to now decline the party invitations? WWYD in this situation?

OP posts:

SquidgyRedBall · 11/08/2016 14:49

It'll be a bit shitty if you said 'oh I've had a better offer' especially as you know how much it means to her.

Is there anyway you can go to the party then join the hen do later on?

ThoraGruntwhistle · 11/08/2016 14:50

If you've already accepted one, you can't go back on it, it's extremely rude to do so.

OpenMe · 11/08/2016 14:53

Always, always the one you accepted first.

Iambubbles86 · 11/08/2016 14:53

Agreed. First acceptance takes priority

MrsHughesCarson · 11/08/2016 14:54

You have to go to the party you've already confirmed.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/08/2016 14:55

I would have a chat with her and let her know you now have an invite to a hen do.
Are you going to the wedding?
Is the Hen a really good friend?
A better friend than your other friend?

Cosmo111 · 11/08/2016 14:56

Going against the grain here but I would say you've double booked its your friends dad occasion , would be different if it was a friend, you've only been invited to put the numbers up for her dad not because your particularly close.

daisymai08 · 11/08/2016 14:56

Good advice - explain your friend the diema...

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 11/08/2016 14:56

Exceptionally rude to dump an invitation you've already accepted. No you can't take a better invitation that comes along.

wowfudge · 11/08/2016 14:57

You shouldn't have to ask. Plus if you know your friend will not take kindly to you not going to the birthday party, imagine how she will feel if she finds out you've them declined because you've had a 'better offer's. Anyway, could you not meet up with the hens later the same night?

LaurieFairyCake · 11/08/2016 14:57

Turning down something you've already accepted is the problem.

Once accepted its set in stone.

YelloDraw · 11/08/2016 14:58

First invite takes precedence. You can't cancel cos you got a better offer.That is well rude.

Costacoffeeplease · 11/08/2016 14:58

You've already accepted the party invitation, so you go to the party, no brainer

Lilaclily · 11/08/2016 14:58

I think it's okay to say to your friend I'm sorry I can't make your dad's birthday because I've been invited to a hen night
If she's a good friend she'd understand surely ?

PenelopePitstops · 11/08/2016 15:00

First invite takes priority.

myownprivateidaho · 11/08/2016 15:02

I agree that it should be ok to just talk to the friend about it. If it's a good friend's hen do she should understand. If she doesn't, I guess you have to go to the dad's party.

seven201 · 11/08/2016 15:02

I think you ask your friend if she would mind of you went to the hen do instead and make it clear that you will still attend her father's party if she wants you to. It is rude to take a better offer but a friend's hen do should trump a party of a friend's dad imo.

blueskyinmarch · 11/08/2016 15:02

I don't think it is rude to decline a previously accepted invite to take up another one. Obviously if it is two equal events then possibly a bit rude or to decline a previously accepted wedding for a house party definitely rude but I think it is fine to tell your friend that you are really sorry but you have been invited to a hen party and now can't make her dads party. Send him a nice card and gift and maybe some drinks to make up for not being there. People get clashing invites all the time and have to decide what to pass up on and what to accept. Some time declining a previously accepted invite has to be done. Life is too short to angst about such things.

Amelie10 · 11/08/2016 15:03

I have to disagree in this particular situation. Sounds like you were guilted into going. This is your friends dad, the other is your friend. I would explain to your friend the situation. Or maybe if it's possible go to both?

wobblywonderwoman · 11/08/2016 15:04

I think first invitation is a bit odd... But you did accept.

I think you will have to go. She does seem to be overly sensitive

HermioneJeanGranger · 11/08/2016 15:04

It's bloody rude to basically say "sorry, I've had a more fun invite so I'm gonna cancel on you."

How is that okay or nice?

NicknameUsed · 11/08/2016 15:05

No it isn't Lilaclily. It is a shitty thing to do to tell your friend that you have had a better offer.

A hen night is likely to go on much later than the party. Could you not join the hen party later?

hellsbellsmelons · 11/08/2016 15:05

See.... if one of my friends asked me to her dads party and I accepted then got a hen do invite, if I was to talk to her I can guarantee she'd tell me to go and enjoy the hen do.

Costacoffeeplease · 11/08/2016 15:05

you will still attend her father's party if she wants you to

And know you're going under duress?

DO NOT DO THIS

ExitPursuedByABear · 11/08/2016 15:06

You need to ask?

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