Am I being silly? SIL

[Steviea88]

I've been a lurker here for a while but this is my first post so please go easy

My SIL is in her early thirties and single. She definitely wants her own children But unfortunately she has just not met the right person yet.

Anyway, I have a DS from a previous relationship and now have a DD with husband. She is now 6 months old.

The thing that is really getting to me is how over the top SIL is with DD. She has literally sprinted through a shopping mall to get to the baby after not seeing her for 2 days.
It's like she needs to prove to people (I don't know who) that she really loves her.
She tries to undermine anything I say.
'No, please don't pick her up she's settled'
'Please don't feed her that...'
And still continues to do as she pleases. I just keep quiet as not to cause an argument.

She constantly calls my DD 'My Baby' and posts hundreds of photos on Facebook.
She so so p*ssed off when she wasn't asked to be godparent and had a strop for the whole day (we had no family, and she's not religious and priest needed to see certificates anyway)

It may all sound a bit silly, but everyone has noticed it. Family, our friends.
She sees us at least twice a week so it's not like she doesn't see her much.
She will come unannounced to our home and If the baby is asleep she has no qualms about waking her up.

The thing that has got to be today is that it's MIL birthday. SIL has posted photos on Facebook of DS and DD with MIL and the usual happy birthday, we love you etc.
But she has decided to put 'to the best nanny in the world, we both love you lots'
AIBU to think that this isn't her place to do so?
Obviously DD is the 1st grandchild for his parents and I think that that should come from me and DP?

I know in lucky to have someone love my children as much as us but sometimes it's so overbearing and I feel like she is trying to take over!

Should I say something ?

You need to put a stop to this ASAP. Cut down on the visits and tell her her Facebook posts make it seem as though she is trying to make out your child is her baby. Call her out on it and stop it now or she'll get even worse.

"Although we are moving another hour away."
Halellujah!

"This was discussed before she even moved in and apparently we need to get a spare room for when she stays."
Well a spare room is always nice. But she's only an hour way ,she can drive home.

"It's the unexpected visits I can't put up with."
So don't. Keep her at the doorstep, 'not a god time'.

You can do this.

Good time. Sigh.

Stop being a doormat, OP, this is YOUR DD and she's upsetting you. If your DP won't step up, do a mummy lioness impression and absolutely go mad. It won't take more than once or twice then if she tries again, you simply don't allow her in. No way should you be leaving the house early on Saturdays in order to avoid her and the family. Do you see how ridiculous and ufair on you that is? Madness!

When she wakes baby, it is always her 'popping to the loo' or 'given DS a kiss goodnight' who would still be awake in bed, and then she's up with baby in arms bringing her down.
It's always behind my back and I have told her multiple times not to do it.

Next time she finds an excuse to go upstairs spell it out to her that the baby is not to be woken or brought downstairs, and if she does wake her you will have to ask her to go straight home and she will not be invited again. Before she comes, spell out to your DH that he is to back you up on this. And if she turns up with the baby in her arms then, no matter what excuse she produces, take the baby out of her arms and show her the door.

And for goodness sake, stop inviting her over so often. If she can't cook, it will provide her with an excellent incentive to learn. Give her Delia Smith's basic cookbook.

OP I can't believe you have indulged this woman. Her lack of social life is not your problem and I would not be allowing her into my home every time she decided to pop in. In fact at this point I would stop all invitations (no explanations needed) and when she knocks on your door only allow her in once out of every 10 times, at most, and then with a proviso if she disturbs the sleeping baby she will be told to sling her hook!

Your SiL clearly doesn't understand what life is like with a 6mo but that, coupled with her determination to do what suits her and not you or DD, means she rides roughshod over you all of the time.

I don't have time for people like this. She either cooperates with you and backs off or she loses all contact with her Dneice. Don't allow your feeling sorry for her mean that she gets to treat your DD as a toy dolly with no consideration for anyone else.

This woman is a ridiculous, overindulged nightmare. Thank god you are moving away OP but don't let her come and stay at the drop of a hat or the situation will get even worse.
You are not helping her by letting her get away with this sort of behaviour - no wonder she has no social life, no one else will put up with her!

Yeah you need to get a bit brassier, OP.

Certainly with the FB stuff, you need to get cannier. When she posts pics of your child or talks about "us" or whatever, you need to start posting something underneath like "Aw, My little princess is so lucky to have such a loving Auntie! Aunties rock!"

She couldn't possibly object but it definitely makes things clear.

I worked with a girl like this. It was her best friends kid. Kept referring to her so much that initially I thought it was her own child. "No but I think of her as my own.....we basically share her" She literally never shut up about the kid and seemed to be constantly taking the kid out on her own. I have no doubt the child had lots of great attention, but I felt really sorry for my coworker as it was such an obsession in her head.

Enrol her onto a cooking course. Then she can feed herself. Tell her it's an early/late birthday present or something.