To blame DD's friend for driving her home when over the limit

[ciderwithtoby]

DD is off to Uni in September, she is a great girl who has always seemed to strike a good balance in life and been pretty responsible around alcohol until a couple of weeks ago.

She met up with a friend in a local pub who was in the year above at school and is back from Uni for the Summer. It was just the two of them. I offered to pick her up but she said her friend wouldn't be drinking and would drop her off.

DD arrived home, having been dropped off, clearly pretty drunk, slurring her words, staggering. The friend did not leave the car when dropping off DD. It transpired that she had downed 3 pints of cider in 2 hours and the friend had 3 or 4. She claimed not to realise this would mean the friend was over the limit (!)

We are in a rural area with no taxis or public transport at night. DD had no credit on her phone.

AIBU to be totally passed off at DD' 's friend and think that his irresponsibility is in a different league to DD' 's here.

He may be 19 but I so feel like reporting him to stop him putting anyone else's life at risk.

Seriously, the people advising the OP to report him now...think about what you're saying.

There is no proof

The Police really do have better things to do, than run around after drivers who might or might not have had a drink the night before.

He would need to be behind the wheel of the car and over the limit, at the time the police caught up with him.

Definitely be annoyed at him but your DD can't have been that drunk when he started drinking. IMO he is to blame for the most part but so is she. She chose to drink to excess and got into the car. She was lucid enough to tell you how much they had had to drink.

red glitter that's true of course, but I would find it very hard to do nothing. Especially if it happened again, and there was a tragic ending, I would regret not saying something.

OP- how well do you know his parents? He is an adult of course but if he cannot stick to the law and behave responsibly then it seems appropriate to speak to them?

Anti drink driving TV adverts from Northern Ireland

Lolz at some of the nonsense on the thread

"downed three ciders over two hours"

Ha ha ha ha

he broke the law, fortunately without killing anyone.

she needs to learn not to swill so much. Not only is a drunk disgusting, but as she's proved it fries your brains so you do stupid things. Such as risking being flowers on a tree.

kick her revolting arse out of bed, read her the riot act and when she is sober again, have a sensible talk.

But it's pointless reporting it Jean as Worra has said it can't be acted on. Absolutely nothing would be done. Reporting would have no purpose now whatsoever.

If he goes out and kills someone tonight there's not a thing a retrospective report would or could have done to prevent that

u have to report as its happening some of themeven get caught and time theyre arrested booked in theyre below the limit and are let go

if u know hes out and drinking report it then

OP I'm not going to lecture you on who's to blame here.

Although you do now seem a little concerned about her going off to UNI.

Freshers week is all the craziness you have heard about, but it is also a good way to get "it" out of your system. Some kids have never been away from home so tend to go a bit mad. In those 2 weeks we chose not to follow first DD to UNI, on facebook or any other social media, as all the photo's just kinda make you worry...

The good news was that a few weeks later our DD said to us that she had quickly learned that you have to look out and look after yourself, as there is no one there to tell you what to do, how much to drink, when you go to bed, when you get up.

What I'm trying to say is don't worry, we all make mistakes and that is how we learn. Bleating on about the obvious now will not change anything. Be grateful she got home. Give her a hug and big kiss XXX

I'd still be concerned about any young person at uni even with public transport/being able to walk home - who didn't know when to stop. No, they won't die in an RTA (unless they stagger in front of a car) but being drunk can lead to other disasters from the inconvenient (losing bag, bag stolen with keys and ID etc) to the downright awful (assault/unwanted sex). I cannot understand why universities allow organisations like Carnage to operate.

I agree with other pps that OP's DD was wrong to get in the car but her judgement had been dulled by three pints. She should have called OP when the friend took his first drink and reinstated the lift. On the pub phone. However, she clearly liked him and looked up to him a bit since he's already at uni/driver so didn't. So along with the lecture on not getting drunk is one on protecting yourself from yourself.

The boyfriend is a straw man argument. He's an adult if he wants to do stupid things then so be it however your concern should be your daughter who although bright enough for A levels apparently has no idea that three or four pints is over the limit. Either she's an idiot or she thinks you are one and will believe her.

If she is genuinely that stupid then I'd be questioning if she's ready to go away to university , if she's lying to you then eighteen or not especially if she's not working there can be consequences.

Either way as alcohol will be a way of life at university until she grows up a bit in some ways this incident may turn out to be a good thing if she can be made to see that no one is responsible for what she does except her . It's a better lesson to learn now than in a gutter in a new university town with no yet established friendship network.

Gabs

The police are not going to set up a special unit to hang about waiting to see if this man drink drives again.

That isn't how it works.

I was so looking forward to DD going off to Uni but this has really knocked me for six.

I would try to use this experience to positive advantage.

When in a sober and sensible frame of mind she clearly knows that getting in the car with someone who has been drinking is incredibly stupid. But up to now she has probably never had much experience of not being in a sober frame of mind and, consequently, has not realized how seriously this can cloud your judgement. No doubt on this occasion she was more drunk than she has ever been and therefore made a crap decision.

I bet when she sobered up she was a bit shocked that she did what she did. Potentially then, she can learn from this and be a bit more aware of the effect a lot of alcohol will have on her and how badly it can affect her judgement and thus make allowances for that when she is out celebrating freshers week, or whatever.

Volleyballmum can the DVLA demand medical records? I'm not sure they can or how willing a doctor would be to provide them. Surely that would compromise their primary purpose, which is to treat their patient?

I only ask because I had a medical condition that I was advised to report to the DVLA. My doctors were not going to do it for me. Of course, I did, and my licence was withdrawn for three years, which was okay by me. I probably could have got it back in half the time but I didn't need it.

But I'm unsure that if someone I knew decided to report me, the DVLA would have been interested. How do you know and how many false reports would there to be to follow up and how many millions of drivers are there in the UK doing various bad things?

I'm unsure whether the DVLA would have been able to access my medical records anyway, given that my doctors said it was my responsibility whether to notify. This was over 20 years ago and maybe the situation has changed now. If so, I'm uneasy

Though I want to keep the streets safe for decent people, I don't think doctors handing over confidential information is the way to go.

I think it's best that if you see a criminal offence in action, you should call 999

Thank you volleyballmum. So a doctor can now do it. That seems sensible to me.

Well OP, it's done and they got home in one piece.

What would now be concerned about is - does my daughter have the self-confidence to say 'no' to someone around her doing something she doesn't agree with? You sad she's been scathing about drunk teens, yet she went along with this older friend. That's what I would be talking to her about - having the guts and maturity to remove herself from a situation. That and not being so bloody stupid to go out with no credit on her phone leaving herself with no ability to execute a Plan B (i.e. phone you for a lift).