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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To despise putting babies to bed

82 replies

Rollonbedtime7pm · 08/08/2016 20:07

3 babies. All crap at going to sleep. Moaning, whining, rubbing eyes but fighting it til the last.
I've just walked out of the bedroom having spent the last hour attempting to get 15 week old DD2 to sleep. She's shut her eyes on numerous occasions and then shaken herself awake again.
She has a bedtime routine, as pointless as it appears to be.
WIBU to just have plans every night between 6 and 9pm?!

(And also to go out and stab the neighbour who has spent the whole time angle grinding and clanging metal in the garden, which has really helped the situation)

OP posts:

MermaidTears · 08/08/2016 20:44

I'll probably be shot down for saying this, but I decided a long time ago to not put me or them through it. They are both bastards at bedtime. (Love them really, obviously!) They fight it for hours, everyone ends up stressed and crying, I was at one point losing up to two hours of my evening and ending up going straight to bed after anyway! They are happy healthy well adjusted well behaved and get enough sleep. I just don't do bedtime. Few more years and I won't be able to get them out their pits anyway. I see it as they all end up normal and going to bed normally at some point. I ask myself, on my deathbed, will I really give a fuck and say 'i wish I'd been stricter about bedtime routine' .... answers NO hahhaha

EllieHandMeDownBaby · 08/08/2016 20:48

Oh, I'll join this club! Flippin' awful.
And what bright spark got the idea of doing dinner then bed time right after each other?! Makes for a bloody awful few hours every evening.

DD was a delightful sleeper from ridiculously young. Which has made DS a huge shock - one year on and he's still not sleeping through. Ugh.

littlejeopardy · 08/08/2016 20:50

I am with you. My 7 month old mostly falls asleep when feeding. But instead she is currently blowing raspberries on my nipple and gurgling away.

Eugh... Now she wants the phone...gonna be a long evening!

Tumtitum · 08/08/2016 20:51

Glad my DD isn't the only one who does the shake awake!!! Doubtless she is overtired by the time I get her to bed (wired, shouting, also knows "her" routine of screaming bloody murder the minute the lullabies and sleep bag come on!!) but she literally shows no tired cues until the eye rubbing starts! And God forbid I try to catch an early cue and start putting her to bed before she's completely exhausted... She'd cry so much more and end up working herself up so much that she'd end up over tired anyway!!

Original poster

Rollonbedtime7pm · 08/08/2016 20:51

I hear what you're saying mermaid and despite being quite militant with the other 2 (DD1 was such a PITA about bedtime so she needed strictness!) I actually don't care this time round! I would happily have DD2 downstairs with us of an evening but she just can't handle it! She really does just need to be asleep in a dark room but doesn't realise it yet!
And back to a pp, I don't really believe that strict routines make babies sleep through - they do it when they're ready and 'good sleepers' are just luck. But I am a routine person so not having a go!

OP posts:

Tumtitum · 08/08/2016 20:52

Little jeopardy my DD (6 months) has just started doing this!! Cute every time except bed time...

Notsosmartagain · 08/08/2016 20:56

Must be something in the air tonight! Currently sat in the dark at the foot of my three year olds bed. The same three year old who was so tired over an hour ago he started to cry when I suggested he get in the bath. I'm on the verge of just throwing myself out the bloody window!

5madthings · 08/08/2016 21:00

Eyes up 18wk old ds5 who did go to sleep for about 20mins and clearly it was a power nap as he is now cooing and grinning at me....

He will sleep attached to boob in my arm.

I am of the opinion that this is a phase they grow out of and we will get our evenings back again. All the older 5 now aged 16, 14, 11, 8 and 5 sleep well and have done for years it's just the baby bit where sleep is for the weak....

overwhelmed34 · 08/08/2016 21:03

petal ,so did your babies just drop nicely off to sleep after the bath, story, bed routine? Because I tried that with my 2 and it did not work. I'm genuinely curious.

mermaid, so what do you do in the evenings? Does everyone just go to bed when they feel like it? Intrigued.

EsmesBees · 08/08/2016 21:05

Does any baby go down drowsy though? I remember reading Gina Ford in desperation and laughing hysterically at her description of how to spot when your baby is drowsy. Mine would go from fine to overtired in seconds. I fed mine to sleep for ages as it's the only way I could get her down. Plus hair dryer videos on YouTube, swaddling and a nipple/dummy swap at just the right moment...

clare2307 · 08/08/2016 21:15

My DD2 who is almost 11 months is an absolute riot compared to her older sister! How 2 babys with the same DNA can be so different I don't know... Every evening is a surprise! Some nights she falls asleep after a few ozs of milk, sometimes she refuses to sleep so I 'pop' her in her cot and she eventually nods off all on her own and some nights she screams blue murder for hours! Can never make plans of an evening as you never know what is going to happen at bed time!! One things for sure - she will wake at some point between 9pm and 3.30am and refuse to go to sleep anywhere other than our bed and then she will wake again at 5/5.30am for milk. She basically rules the roost in our house right now. Thankfully her older sister who is now 7 is and always has been a delightful sleeper!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 08/08/2016 21:15

You know what I find works?

Imagining when they're teenagers and thinking up how I'm going to disturb their sleep when they're at an age when they want to sleep. My neighbour kindly added to my growing list with an example at stupid o'clock this morning - fucking about with buckets. Clattering them, filling them up with water and piling them up make a surprisingly large amount of noise - who knew!?

Passes everyone

Stylingwax · 08/08/2016 21:18

Ooo white noise app recommendations here please, I used Ewan but he goes off after 20 mins so I spend two hours running up and down to switch him on again!

fusionconfusion · 08/08/2016 21:22

6, 4, 2;6. We've started a nightly bath and given the oldest one an audiobook and it's really finally beginning to click. The youngest one didn't sleep anywhere but on my chest until he was 11 months and is now the only one who nods off on his own in the cot, go figure.

My four year old is the current bringer of red mist. Just one more drink. Not that teddy, the one with the ribbon. Why do we have to have mean thoughts? Will I really have to die? Why is a whale shark called a whale shark, is he a whale or a shark? Will I turn into the air when I die? If you died would you like to come back as a colossal squid? Are mean thoughts and good thoughts like the sun and the moon, when one comes the other goes and round and round they will go forever? Why did you have [Brother] before me, was he your favourite or am I your favourite? (Oh honey I didn't choose to have any of you first). Well who did it then, God? You don't believe in God really do you?

And on and on. I try not to reinforce. But then I do. And it's like a hit on the slot machines. It revs up the efforts for ages!

Muddlingalongalone · 08/08/2016 21:25

Mine's 20 months now & I hate bedtime. I actually declared last night that she spoils every lovely amazing day with the fucking about at bedtime.
Also feel the guilt for DD1 who's 5 & fortunately very independent since she gets a very reduced bedtime with me at the moment.
It's not forever, it's not forever......
I would like to not bother with bedtime, i can totally see the benefits but then I wouldn't get any time to myself & the house would be even more of a state.
Dd1 was around 3 when she started to go to bed alone - fingers crossed Dd2 doesn't take another 15 months.

ChickenMe · 08/08/2016 21:26

OH does bedtime if he's here. I can't cope. She always drops straight off for other people but I dread it when it is my turn because tonight she's had boob for at least an hour and keeps coming off to run around and then do a poo

pearlylum · 08/08/2016 21:38

Never had a problem, but I co slept with my children. At 15 weeks my babies would stay downstairs with me until my bedtime then come to bed with me. Easy peasy.

splendide · 08/08/2016 21:40

Mine is ok now (for the moment, not expecting it to last). He does go into his cot and will go to sleep on his own, we've had a couple of glorious months of that now - he's nearly two.

Before that we were spending easily an hour and sometimes more like 90 mins/ two hours sitting in his room till he was asleep. And if you got it wrong and stood up before he was absolutely asleep he would immediately stand up and start shrieking. So fucking stressful. That and other sleep awfulness means I don't think I want another.

Lweji · 08/08/2016 21:43

Co-sleeping. Ah! It just meant that I'd constantly wake up because ds was a wriggler. He used to get his legs stuck between the cot bars. Sigh!

For the most part I don't think people should get cocky about any method. Good sleepers are mostly luck and even so things can change quickly.

Original poster

Rollonbedtime7pm · 08/08/2016 21:50

As I said though perlylum staying downstairs would be fine if she didn't spend the whole time moaning and crying and clawing at me cos actually she needs to be in bed! If they are happy awake, I imagine it is easy peasy!

I very much need to put the children in their box in the evening - I get very cranky if I get no alone time! Some might say then why have children if you need alone time buto everyone needs a break at some point. Especially with 3 of them at home for 6 weeks of holiday!

OP posts:

pearlylum · 08/08/2016 21:50

My babies wouldn't settle without me and i didn't want to leave them to cry. Co sleeping was the easiest and laziest way that worked for us. Nothing about being cocky.

littlejeopardy · 08/08/2016 22:12

It really would be fine if babies behaved like we do when we are tired, you know, just sit and stare into space and slowly drift off.

Instead mine chatters, yells, tries to lunge in every direction, cries and tries to climb into my face...

BTW I did get her in her cot 40 minutes ago but she has just woken up very cross and is now falling back to sleep in my arms. Gonna give it 10 mins and try again. Wish me luck!

facepalming · 08/08/2016 22:13

Oh I'm so with you on this!!

I'll duck the rotten tomatoes to tell you that my 7 month old goes to bed (sorry...I'm going to say it!) drowsy and awake and then sleeps all night.

But I'll make up for it when I tell you I have a 2.5 year old that has woken every 2 hours since birth and takes at least an hour and half to put to sleep!

I did absolutely nothing different..

Champagneformyrealfriends · 08/08/2016 22:27

White Nouse App-Soubd Sleeper. The hair dryer noise on that saved my sanity. I paid for the full version so I can play it continuously but you get 30 minutes of you just get the free one.

Planty18 · 08/08/2016 22:28

This thread has definitely come at the right time for me. It has made me realise it is normal and it is just a phase and we might even be ok. In the heat, summer light, with neighbours trampolining and squealing, white noise, fans, double black out blinds etc it's still been taking us 3hr some nights to get the four of them to sleep. The 9 month old twins are 2 of those hours as they like to stand in their cots and have a nice chat while posting their dummies to each other. Cute, huh? Yep, but not after 2hr. Yanbu, it's a pita.

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