Please advise me if you've been in therapy/are a therapist

[bummedmummy]

Two weeks ago I finally plucked up courage to contact a psychotherapist after thinking about it for months. Made an appointment by email for tomorrow evening. Paid in advance.

Therapist contacts me today to ask if I can change the appointment to Thursday evening. I'm really annoyed!

I'm already feeling pissed off and like I want to call the whole thing off. The stuff that bothers me is a lot to do with feeling unimportant and overlooked and I'm already feeling that way before this relationship has even started! My issues are already triggered and I haven't even met this person yet.

Is this normal practice? Is it a bad sign? Should I look for someone else?Am I bonkers for being so pissed off? I'm fully aware that I may be completely over-reacting.

No, you're not "bonkers" for being pissed off - but sometimes unexpected things happen and I doubt the therapist made the decision to ask you to change the appointment lightly.

It could be really, really useful for you to explain how you felt about it to your therapist and confront/work through those feelings. I'm guessing that you are not used to speaking up or being heard when you are overlooked/feel unimportant - so this could be a chance to change that in a 'safe' environment.

As someone who's been in therapy to work on low self esteem amongst other things I'd say yes YABU, therapists are only human and sometimes appointments need to be moved. However its ok to feel this way if you have had a lifetime of feeling pushed aside its not surprising. Go along and talk this through with your therapist, if you don't gel with them in person then yes look for someone new. Good luck

Things come up in people's lives, but it's just bad timing that it had to happen on your first appointment, and unfortunate that it hits just your particular buttons.

My therapist has done it at times (rarely), but she and I have clicked and work well together so I'm willing to overlook occasional scheduling hiccups. You may find this is a deal-breaker for you, but it may be worth meeting her in person first, especially since you've already taken the massive step of making an appointment.

Have they explained why? Therapists are usually really careful about this as they know it can cause anxiety so I would want an explanation and a kind request with no pressure. You don't have to say 'yes' either if it's a problem for you.

I have on the odd occasion had to cancel an appointment or change the time

Of course I try not to as this can really impact how the client feels but I have a life too and life is sometimes inconvenient

I wouldn't explain why I would apologise and offer them another time or the option of missing one week and see them the following week

YABU. My therapist postponed one of our sessions last month because he had a cold and didn't want to infect his clients. It was very thoughtful of him as my physical health isn't good and a cold could have made me very ill.

Stuff happens OP. It'll probably only be a one off.

I know it feels like a massive let down if you've really been mulling over stuff you want to talk through but I'm sorry, YABU. Life happens for therapists just like the rest of us.
Also my therapist has been really understanding if I've been late or forgotten to turn up so I'd be an arsehole if it didn't extend both ways.

Did they give an explanation?

For what it's worth, I have had only one appointment cancelled at short notice - the therapist had a family emergency and emailed/ called me to make sure I knew before travelling.

It was about four months into seeing her though - had it been the first time, I'd have questioned seeing her.

I've been seeing a therapist for seven months and she's only cancelled one appointment (for a holiday). I see her weekly.

She's the sort of person who would never cancel as she thinks the stability of it helps. So I don't think YABU, based on my experience. However I did book the first appointment about three or four weeks in advance!

Even if you are BU, if you get a bad gut feeling about a therapist, it probably won't be beneficial when you do go. So if your head says cancel then do it and find someone else.

Gosh lots of folks with therapists. Making me feel better for wanting to see one, although I can't swing the £50 a week fee unfortunately.

Definitely tell the therapist you're suffering from these feelings and they added to them. But still go.

YANBU

When you next see your therapist, this can be part of the work you do: bring up how this made you feel.

Not really on topic but I would not have paid in advance for an appointment with a therapist I had not met. Most offer a free thirty minute initial consultation to establish whether you can work together. Apologies if you've already done this.
I have had a lot of therapy with different therapists and have always paid on the day of the appointment.

I've been having CBT. After the first session, she cancelled the next three sessions due to "personal circumstances" except that it was one by one - the first two I was OK about and the third rankled quite a bit. Then I thought, this isn't a job like mine (accountant) where you can come to work, sit behind a desk, knock out some accounts and spreadsheet a few things and go home. The role of a therapist requires being physically and mentally in really good shape and she's dealing with people who want her like that. If I make a mistake with a formula, it's pretty simple to correct but the impact of her not being 100% could be serious. I'm having my final session this week and really glad I persevered with it.

Have seen a therapist quite a bit and he has never cancelled. I have a few times but gave plenty of notice.
It's important when you go that you spill out how you felt as it could be a good platform for getting the conversation going. Having stuff triggered is good in a way as it saves delving for it. But if they cancel again too soon ld be a bit wary.

don't let it put you off if your therapist hasn't given you a reason

Like i said before I personally wouldn't. The reason being even though clients come to deal with their own issues any diversion from that is often used and can ever so slightly change the relationship again it depends on how well the therapist knows their client to know if giving a reason will impact the client/therapist relationship

You have starting point or way into your therapy if you want to bring up how you felt in the first session

Cancelling three times in such a way is very disruptive a therapist needs to know when they have to step away from their work and that at times might impact a client. The only thing that can be done is to recommend another therapist that works in a similar way or have a long break but how long that break might be isn't always known

Thanks very much for your responses. This has been really helpful.

You haven't met him/her yet so don't write it off, but as others have said, this is good material to talk about.

I've never ever heard of therapists offering 30 minutes free. People I know actually charge more for first sessions.

My husband is a therapist. He has the opposite problem, refuses to take holidays because he doesn't want to disrupt sessions with clients. Gives me the rage!