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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

......to tell my friend that as a best man a £50 wedding gift is reasonable?

80 replies

Ronagtl · 06/08/2016 19:31

It's been a while since I was buying gifts for a wedding so seeking views please! Friend of mine is being best man later this year and is unsure what would would be reasonable to spend on a gift for the couple. It's a fairly traditional affair with a pretty established couple. No mad stag do in ibiza planned that I'm aware of....Friend is just retired so not rolling in it and will have hotel, travelling and other ancillary wedding costs I assume. I thought £50 would be very generous....views?

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 06/08/2016 21:40

I think £50 Is plenty, it's more than I would give - I gave £20 last time I went to a wedding!

NeedAnotherGlass · 06/08/2016 22:22

There is no "standard"
There is no minimum amount
There is no formula
The cost of the wedding is completely irrelevant

People should spend what they want to spend within the budget they have available to them. Whether that is £5 or £500 should not matter. If it matters to the B&G then they are grabby twats who don't know what friends are for.

19lottie82 · 06/08/2016 22:46

Is he attending with a partner? If so I'd say £100 from both of them.

My rule of thumb is £100 from my DH and I if we are at a wedding all day and £50 if we are evening guests.

Hulababy · 06/08/2016 23:01

£50 is plenty generous enough.
As a best man the wedding is probably costing him plenty as it is, even more than a wedding already costs guests.

kali110 · 06/08/2016 23:08

£50 is fine!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/08/2016 23:11

To me it seems a lot of money - I think some people might be embarrassed by that much from someone who isn't an older relative? But realise things clearly differ in other parts of the UK!

jellybeans · 07/08/2016 00:48

DH and I have never been best man or bridesmaid but DC have. We usually give 15 to 30 per wedding. Wouldn't dream of giving more because our own family would really struggle if we did. We are a low middle income with not much spare after bills. In between that we have birthdays and a squillon other things to spend on family members so 50 quid seems massive.

DeathStare · 07/08/2016 08:15

This is a daft question to ask. Nobody should give more than they can afford. And a real friend would never want anyone to give them more than they can afford.

For some people £50 is a drop in the ocean and would disappear unnoticed. For others it would mean they couldn't pay their rent that month.

There is no minimum or maximum for a wedding gift, and any bride/groom who thinks there is doesn't deserve a gift. If all a guest can afford is a card that should be accepted as graciously as the large cheque from the friend with the large disposable income.

Smurfnoff · 07/08/2016 09:42

I hate the idea that you have to work out how much you have 'cost' the bride and groom and make sure you cover it. Whatever happened to inviting people because you actually want them there? If I got married I'd hate the idea that friends who were less well off than me were panicking about whether they could afford to attend.

On a side note, does nobody buy presents anymore? To me cash is something you might give to younger relatives just starting out - I'd feel very odd giving cash to a peer.

clare2307 · 07/08/2016 10:03

People should give what they can afford. When we got married it ranged from nothing (not even a card) to £500 to lovely personalised gifts. We didn't do a gift list or ask for money and were grateful for anything we received and would far rather people came and enjoyed our day and gave no gift than didn't come because they couldn't afford to give us anything.

We have given gifts ranging from £30 - £150 depending on our circumstances at the time of the wedding. £50 is perfectly generous on my opinion.

ItsABanana · 07/08/2016 10:03

Who says that £50 is average, who sets down these so called "rules?" Confused
As for if they're getting married somewhere swanky that cost loads you should give a bigger present, what a load of bunkum, sorry.
You don't base your present based on how expensive the wedding is!!
When I got married I honestly didn't mind whether you gave £5 or £50 or nothing at all. All I cared about was that you were at the wedding, having fun and celebrating!
I really hate this entitled grabby culture it all seems to be now.
You give what you can afford. True friends will just be happy you're there, not the size of your gift.

MohammedLover · 07/08/2016 10:16

To me it seems bonkers that a small low cost wedding, would attract a smaller gift than a grand wedding. Surely the people who need it more are the ones on a slimmer budget! I have friends who gave £100 to the couple who's parents footed a £22k wedding but only £20 to those who struggled to put on their £800 wedding!

noeffingidea · 07/08/2016 11:05

People who expect the cost of the meal to be 'covered' might as well just charge for admission, as far as I'm concerned. A wedding gift is just that, a gift, and should be given from the heart.
I think £50 is very generous and I would be absolutely delighted to receive it, for any ocassion.

magoria · 07/08/2016 11:08

It is stupid to give more money than you can afford.

Rooms, travelling etc. If he is paying for all those he is paying a lot. More than £50 for the wedding they want.

£50 on top is fine.

Vickyyyy · 07/08/2016 11:34

Loads of our guests only brought a card..we didn't care at all. Mind our circles seem to be generally less well off than others, or mainly minimum wage workers, maybe thats why we didn't care what we were given. As we never expected anything...

I was once invited to a wedding by this couple who think they are above everyone else as they happen to have a higher salary and new cars, holidays all the time and such. ON THE INVITATION they wrote 'cash only please. Minimum £200 per person'

I do not know how they had the cheek to do that. I don't care if they spent 50k on the wedding, thats their choice, you do not then pass on the cost to your guests. I didn't go, out of principle. A lot of people I know didn't either...some as they couldn't 'afford' to.

Beeziekn33ze · 07/08/2016 12:39

How refeshing to see a big majority of views that £50 or less is fine and to give what you can afford is normal.Perhaps all those who would think it too little are at Maui weddings!

Beeziekn33ze · 07/08/2016 12:41

Vickyyyy. That is awful, they are probably living unhappily ever after with such a bad attitude!

HereIAm20 · 07/08/2016 13:40

Personally I would do £50/75 as a regular guest and £100 as best man or special friend

HereIAm20 · 07/08/2016 13:42

It is a very "American" tradition that the cost of the gift covers your plate. I think the cost of the gift suits your budget and if its your wedding and your wedding should also suit your budget too and not be "crowdfunded" by guests!

BodsAuntieFlo · 07/08/2016 13:49

DS was best man at a wedding last year and was informed it was "tradition" for the best man to pay for the wedding cars. Shock The brides brother gave them the cars as a gift but I was shocked anyone would ask someone to be a best man then tell them they had to pay for the privilege.

£50 is a generous amount for a wedding gift imo.

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 07/08/2016 14:11

£50 is our standard cash gift for weddings.

Mov1ngOn · 07/08/2016 14:16

Wow another area I've messed up in. Don't think we've ever given more than £20 worth and not sure many did (outside family) for us!

I think my friends would be uncomfortable /embarrassed if I gave £100. Oh to move in those circles (were both m/c graduates too!)

jelliebelly · 07/08/2016 14:17

£50 sounds perfectly ok to me if he can afford it.

KittensWithWeapons · 07/08/2016 14:22

People should only give what they can afford. £50 is plenty if that's what his budget allows for. When DP and I got engaged, we got loads of engagement gifts. They ranged in 'value' from €200 sets of steak knives and wine glasses, to €5 ornaments. The price tag didn't matter a jot, we were just so touched that people cared enough to buy us lovely gifts. They all have the same value to us. Kind gifts from thoughtful people, that we will treasure forever.

PeppasNanna · 07/08/2016 14:28

£50 is the what i will send to a cousin getting married next month but i wasn't invited. Had i been £100 at least...

I'm Irish though!