Sorry for the long post, just started rambling a bit.
A little bit of backstory first, me, my partner and our DC moved about half an hour drive from where we used to live and DD and DSDs, both 16, school 18 months ago, we didn't bother moving them to a new school as they only had a year left and were in the middle of GCSEs. As all DDs friends were half an hour drive away, which would take just over an hour on 2 buses when we're not around to do lifts, we encouraged them to make some friends in our neighbourhood. DSD was not interested at all but dd made friends with a girl we will call Emily. Since they left school 2 months ago DD and Emily have got really close spent all their time together and call each other their best friends.
Before DD met Emily she was one of the easiest of my 3 DC and 2 DSC. Since meeting her she has been caught smoking numerous times by different family members, had come home drunk and has been caught shoplifting. She got punished for the shoplifting but I didn't feel the need to punish her for drinking and smoking as I was no better myself at her age, we did have a long talk everytime though.
Last Friday DD got brought home by the police at 2am, Emily had already been dropped off at her house. They had told me they were sleeping over at Emilys and Emily told her mum they were staying at mine when in reality they, and 2 other boys, were at a boys house and his mum had called the police as she wasn't aware they were even there until they had woken her up. She thought her son was out at one of his 2 friends houses. I grounded DD for a week and took away her phone, laptop and iPad.
A week brings us to today. Last night I gave DD all her things back and this afternoon after texting all morning she went to meet Emily. Half hour after she left I get a phone call from Emilys mum saying DD has just turned up at their door and Emily has new rules now and she won't be going out with anyone unless arranged and okayed by all parents involved. She has proved she can not be trusted. Emily was never like this before she met DD. It obviously Isn't helping that DD is never punished for her behaviour.
Obviously DD wasn't like this before meeting Emily either, I do not blame Emily though. It's obvious they both just bring something bad or in each other and with other new friends involved they are experimenting with new things. Emily is a lovely girl and I do like her despite the trouble DD keeps getting into so I don't want to discourage the friendship.
But since the phone call I've been second guessing myself. Was I wrong not to punished DD more for things she has done? Me and DP thought we handled things well but now I'm not sure.