To pay for a sleep consultant for my baby?

[Rowenleaves]

My baby is 4 months old and his sleeping is pretty bad. He will only fall asleep if I feed him and can wake up to 6 times in a night. I've tried different things but nothing works for long.

Has anyone had any success with a sleep consultant? I've heard mixed things about them.

(Just interested.)

Small babies wake at night to be fed. Be it for comfort or for hunger, it's entirely normal, necessary and not something you should be looking to 'fix', imo.

Dont expect miracles. I've nosied at seven sleep plans friends have been given and they're all variations on three or four themes and nothing they couldn't have got on the web. They're all some sort of variation on:
Gradual retreat
Pick up put down
Shush pat
Gradual retreat
Along with setting a decent routine.

Some a Les are just poor sleepers. Our is. We've had the actual medical sleep consultants at the hospital out for him. They took a full history and the conversation went:
"Right you need to xxx"
"We've tried it, it didn't work."
"Ok how about xxx "
Tried it. No joy.

Four months is classic sleep regression time, so I wouldn't do anything until the baby is through that. If they're still bad at six months give it a try but do t expect instant solutions. Six times a night isn't uncommon at that age. Ds is ten months and six times waking a night is at the better end of his range.... 🙄

OP my little one is doing the same...over a couple of weeks of gently trying once a day I discovered she will sleep in her pram cot on a sheepskin if I let her get very drowsy on me, put her down and have a hand on her. This has become really reliable 3 Times a day (actually like clockwork at 11 and 1, and more random in the afternoon. I try and nap too!) night times its bed sharing that has kept me sane. I feel she is too little for sleep training so I just need to endure. DH gives me lie in at weekends (up to 3 hrs sleep!) and I try and get a friend to come in the week for the odd afternoon nap. Hang in there!

hecantbeserious - we did CC of 2,4,6 and 8 minute intervals.

I would not have sleep trained at 4 months as I definitely think waking for feeds at that age is normal and we should follow the baby's lead as opposed to trying to change their behaviour.

After all the sleep problems were solved DS was having between 4 and 5 hours more sleep in a 24 period than he'd previously had which was far better for him. He was such a happier baby.

Had the opposite issue with my DCs who pretty much managed to sleep through everything!

hecantbeserious - I would have loved one of those sort

He's 2yr 4m and still has his afternoon nap. He sleeps from 19.30-06.00 quite reliably but does have the occasional night time waking but I can cope with that.

My two were both EBF. The first one found her thumb at 13 weeks and slept through the night. We've never looked back. She stopped sucking her thumb overnight at 3 when the dentist told her it wasn't good for her teeth.

The second did the 'mummy as a dummy' thing for 6 months (and nothing I could do would persuade her to take an actual dummy). I got very little sleep. She would only open her mouth for the dentist when promised a Frozen sticker. I love her madly, but I'm not having anymore. God knows what i'd get next!!

My point is, sleep plans are a lovely idea, but you have to let them take the lead and find help and support that suits both of you. But it does seem that 6 months is the earliest that's useful.....by that stage we were in an unhelpful cycle that served no-one. Overtired baby and very overtired mum.

OP, I completely agree with your instinct that a baby waking every hour is going to end up tired and grumpy.

Beware the posters telling you that hourly wakings at this age are normal, and that people with better-sleeping babies all got there by using Controlled Crying. They have usually suffered such shitty times with sleep themselves that they need to believe this is true. It's not.

There are other sensible, non-painful methods that you CAN start on now, even at 4 months, many of which have already been mentioned upthread - sorting the daytime naps, breaking the habit of feeding to sleep, feeding routine etc. These will make a world of difference, without ever requiring you to leave your baby to cry. Yes, you could do this yourself but a good sleep consultant will help you work out how to tackle these and in what order. Just make sure you ask them a few questions about their methods before you hire them, and know what you are or aren't comfortable with.

Good luck and

Thanks Boris. I might try a few things myself as I feel leaving him for 6 months might just consolidate bad habits.

The thing about daytime naps in his cot is it would just give me some time to do some other things and for him to get good proper sleep. At the moment he is either sleeping on me, so I'm chained to the sofa for a couple of hours, or in his pram after me pushing him around for ages and when I stop pushing he wakes up.

I was that mum who had to rush home from baby groups to put my DD1 to bed in her cot. Because if she didn't get a solid 2 hour nap in her cot it would take 2 hours to get her to sleep in the evening which was my down time ruined. She would only sleep in the car or pram if it was moving so I wasted a lot of petrol and never got any time to get anything done. So I decided to forgo my social life in the day for an evening not spent battling with am over tired baby. DD2 is totally different. I mainly let her have a 2 hour nap over lunch but if I/we have lunch plans I let her sleep longer in her morning nap or if she wakes after only an hour she'll nap in the car on the way home from the lunch thing and stay asleep whilst the car sits on the driveway (with me in it) She's currently asleep in the back whilst I'm parked in a shady layby round the corner from my house because my driveway is in full sun. She's asleep I'm MNing and everyone's happy! But I could never have done that with DD1. All babies are different. If you've got a good sleeper please don't congratulate yourself too much it's just luck. There's certain obvious things to avoid which I said a sleep consultant would address straight away so make sure you address those first before calling one or you'll spend time doing the basics when you might need more time (and money) on harder habits to break. Hope things get better OP I know how miserable no sleep is.

OP, I think one of the things you need to do is stop thinking your child is doing this deliberately to you! He isn't going to consolidate bad behaviours and you can't over ride any developmental issues, they are necessary for him and he's only 4 months old

He does sounds fairly normal for his age tbh!

I don't feel he is doing it deliberately to me. I actually sort of feel I have let him down by allowing habits like only sleeping on me after a feed to form, but obviously with a newborn and a first child I have not really had a clue what I'm doing!

It's not a bad habit, don't worry. It's what he likes because he's still really tiny and new.

They change all the time as babies, just when you think you have them figured out. I'm on baby 3 and the first was a mostly good sleeper, second was bloody awful amd the third seems somewhere in between so far.

I found worrying less about what they 'should' be doing helped the most!

It's a mumsnet cliché but I do use a sling for naps sometimes, others I just accept they go through wee phases of feeding lots and park myself with a kindle or DVDs.

Okay, to put this in perspective your son was born 3 months early. All human babies are. They can't stay inside us for the optimum 12 months because in order to walk upright we need to have narrow pelvises.

For the first 3 months after birth babies crave exactly what they had in-utero: food on demand, rocking to sleep, hearing whooshing noises and a heartbeat. So for optimum development that's what you're looking to recreate. (That's why newborns tend to like movement to sleep, sleeping on a person, don't like lying flat etc.)

From that point there are massive brain leaps: human babies are the only mammals born unable to walk or swim. Their brains need the right conditions to be able to make the mental leaps that will enable walking and talking.

A 4 month old baby doesn't have bad habits - they're needs. Very basic needs. Understanding them is really important in deciding which way they need to be pArented.

The thing is, it's really NOT a bad habit, and you absolutely haven't done anything wrong.

This is why all of the stuff about routines and such is unhelpful - because it makes mothers feel like they are getting it wrong when what you are doing is perfect - it's a response to his behaviour which is exactly what he needs right now. It's really fine to trust your instincts and do what feels right, not worry about what everyone else is doing. Routines work for some babies but not all. It is actually okay for them to wake every hour - I know that it doesn't seem right but that's because you're looking at it from the point of view of adult sleep. Really he's just waking every sleep cycle which is frustrating but not unhealthy. (Random thought - have you checked he's warm enough at night? I know DS used to wake up constantly when I put him in the recommended bed clothes but this was too cold for him. If I co-slept so he had my body heat or wrapped him slightly warmer, he'd sleep longer. You can check they aren't overheating by putting a finger down the back of their collar. If it's sweaty they are too hot, if it feels cool, too cold.)

Okay - so it would be more convenient if he would nap without your input. But I'm guessing that you didn't have a baby for the convenience factor! Lots of babies are really like that and it's not anything you have done which has caused it. Some babies are happy to have naps alone, others are not. Enjoy the cuddles. He won't want to sleep on you for ever. And yes a sling can absolutely help, if you're finding that you want to get up and do stuff while he's sleeping (personally, I would take the excuse for a sit down!) Another option which worked for me was having naps in bed together because it let me doze a bit from the broken nights and he seemed to settle okay as long as I was there.

So again at night you don't need to worry that habits are more ingrained by 6 months because him waking up isn't a habit as such. He's waking at night to feed likely, yes, partly because he's used to it for comfort (and you could try a dummy as suggested if this helps) but also partly because he needs the milk, he's at a growth spurt time and it's also a time they tend to be distracted when sleeping during the day. And then he'll be waking looking for reassurance that you're still around, too. All of these things will naturally reduce with age and you don't need to worry that he's doing it on purpose. If you think about it, when you're asleep, you're asleep. You wouldn't wake up just because you thought something nice might happen (how would you know? You'd be asleep.)

I'd be looking at the longest stretch of sleep and taking that as a marker, trying to shift that to the best time for you. You'll get the biggest sense of "things are improving!" when you work that out.

I think you'd like the book The No Cry Sleep Solution.

Also try Gentle Sleep... The book basically boils down to 'babies don't sleep very well hang on in there' but it can be helpful to just let go and accept their sleep. By all means routines Gina ford clearly work for some people but if you aren't a CC type of mum, NO JUDGEMENT on CC mums, there are other ways to get through it. I agree that habits aren't really a thing yet. You wouldn't try and teach a baby to sing, so why try and teach sleeping. Plus I never met an adult that could only drop of on someone else's shoulder being carried around :-)

Would anyone mind messaging or posting with recommendations for a sleep consultant? We have made progress but still need guidance!

I used 1 at 9 months for dd1 when she woke up every 20 mins and only fed to sleep. It was worth every penny.
I used them again with dd2 at 4 months to help me get her to nap in her cot. Amazing again.
I would use them with as yet I conceived dc3 to make sure we are keepers ng on track with sleep.

Familyof3or4 - who did you use?

Just wanted to say I'm currently using a sleep consultant for my (bfed) nearly 6 month old and we're on night 4. It's going brilliantly. We're down from hours of screaming and hourly wake ups to self settling at bedtime, and 11 hours' sleep with one feed.

I don't believe you can't teach babies to self settle. In my sons case he was so desperate to sleep and nothing else was doing it - he wouldn't feed to sleep or be rocked.

I know it's still early days for us but so far the sleep consultant was worth every penny!

I wouldn't at 4 months, way too young ime. I'd just keep encouraging a routine and sleep habits.

Don't do it. I forked out around £1200 including agency fees for 3 nights via sleepingbabies.com for a lady who not only did not get my baby to sleep (I followed her advice for a good month to no avail), but encouraged a sleep crutch in the process! She encouraged the use of a dummy to sleep, even telling me what brand I should buy but I ended up with a baby who needed the dummy replacing 7-8 times a night! In the end I weaned her off dummy cold turkey using controlled crying, and voila, problem solved.
She focused on weaning the baby, saying once weaned and no longer hungry, she would sleep. Wrong. I did wean her but was told to increase, rather than reduce the milk and in the end she began to refuse solids , preferring milk. What I had to go through to get her to eat solids again. Another fail.

They say to do your homework on the sleep consultant and read references but you just never know who you are going to get until you've parted with your cash. It's a great scam for first time mothers who are desperate for sleep.