Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To pay for a sleep consultant for my baby?

124 replies

Rowenleaves · 05/08/2016 17:07

My baby is 4 months old and his sleeping is pretty bad. He will only fall asleep if I feed him and can wake up to 6 times in a night. I've tried different things but nothing works for long.

Has anyone had any success with a sleep consultant? I've heard mixed things about them.

OP posts:

Reallyhard · 06/08/2016 04:23

Can I ask those of you who used to allow your baby to feed to sleep and have stopped, how did you do that? My DS is a poor sleeper, but I think part of the problem is that he falls asleep taking his bottle and then struggles to self settle without that comfort suck. Refuses the dummy which doesn't help.

xinchao · 06/08/2016 04:23

We used a sleep consultant after our previously brilliant sleeper starting waking very, very early for each day. We were so completely exhausted that we needed someone to help us. We had a Skype consultation and worked out a plan. We talked about what was happening, possible triggers, what we had tried etc.. We implemented the plan. It worked. We got our lives back! Best money we ever spent.

I think 4 months might be a little early but if you're really struggling there is no shame in asking for help!

TheSkyAtNight · 06/08/2016 04:25

Feel your pain. 4-6 months nearly killed me with lack of sleep despite the co sleeper crib. Never managed this whole barely waking to feed but did learn to feed lying down a bit. It was never comfy but did give a bit of respite on the worst nights.

Solids made a world of difference at 6 months. I wish I hadn't stressed about all that sleep associations rubbish.

Although just tonight we might have hit the 8 month regression!!

Sleep training so young may not be an permanent fix as so much changes for babies. Hang in there - can you get any more support for you rather than trying to change baby's needs? La Lexhe League & Baby Cafe helped me stay sane.

Original poster

Rowenleaves · 06/08/2016 07:52

Thanks for all your advice and opinions. The general consensus seems to be that 4 months is too young so I might try and sort the daytime naps and the initial putting down to sleep out myself and then reconsider a sleep consultant at 6 months if things haven't improved.

I just want to do what's best for my baby and something about him waking up so frequently and wanting feeds each time doesn't seem very healthy for him - is it really normal? He seems so exhausted and is a big baby, 98th for weight, which I feel could be because of all those night feeds. There must be other ways to get him to sleep rather than feeding? I also feel that he's not in a great routine because of his broken sleep - a couple of friends have done Gina Ford style schedules and their babies sleep all night.

I think I just need a bit of advice and the confidence that I'm doing the best for me and the baby. I doubt myself so much and feel I should have sorted this sooner!

OP posts:

Hedgeh0g · 06/08/2016 07:59

So the waking up and wanting feeds all the time is very normal and is to do with the way that he's used to getting to sleep. Babies' sleep cycles are quite short - around 40 mins - and they often wake after one or two and need help getting back to sleep the way they are used to- which in your case is feeding by the sounds of it. That's also perfectly normal, the suckle reflex is very strong - at 6 months when we got a sleep consultant in for my son as I was at my wits end, she took away his dummy. So he started sucking his thumb instead. Which might not be ideal, but he can now get himself to sleep, and through those short sleep cycles. In the meantime you could try seeing if there is anything else that settles your baby and makes them sleepy, that doesn't involve you...so, a comforter, muslin, that kind of thing. Something they associate with going to sleep that will be there when they wake up after one or two sleep cycles. Good luck!

StrawberryMummy90 · 06/08/2016 08:31

OP at your babies age it is normal to wake up for feeds at night so don't worry!

At 6 months a baby's digestive system is mature enough to go the night with no feeds or 1-2 absolute maximum, unless baby has health issues or is underweight which in your case isn't so. Plus at 6 months you can start introducing solids which will make you feel more confident baby is full.

My baby had awful feed to sleep association and was waking hourly sometimes less, I co slept and realised around 6 months she didn't want milk and would gag when feeding in middle of night then cry hysterically. Poor baby just wanted to sleep but was so dependent on sucking something, just didn't want the milk to come out (dummy never worked!!). I then realised this was so unfair and cruel on her and got help from a consultant, best decision I ever made and don't let anyone guilt you in to not sleep training. There's plenty of methods, CC worked for us but isn't for everyone and doesn't involve just abandoning your baby in the room for the whole night! I actually think it's so cruel to let your baby go months and months even over a year and have them wake up frequently just so they can feed back to sleep. It's broken sleep, bad quality and can affect development (affected my DD's massively!)

Hope it gets better soon without a consultant but if you're in the same boat in a couple of months, do it!

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 09:55

There seems to be quite a focus on naps in cots on here. There was a mum in our baby group that trained her tiny baby to only sleep in his cot and only at set times (is that a Gina Ford thing?). They missed out on so many group meet ups because while we just rocked our babies to sleep in their prams when we needed to, she had to be home at a set time as her baby just couldn't sleep anywhere else.

StrawberryMummy90 · 06/08/2016 10:14

HeCant

Gosh you're right, all those babies missing out on group get togethers that they will clearly remember for life...

A mum got her baby in to a healthy routine, good on her! When babies a little more older (and more aware of play time etc) I'm sure there can be flexibility!

My baby can sleep in pram but to be honest I rather be home for nap times so she gets good quality sleep in her cot :)

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 10:17

A mum got her baby in to a healthy routine, good on her! When babies a little more older (and more aware of play time etc) I'm sure there can be flexibility!

The babies are now 7 years old. Haven't seen them for about 3 years.

(I had to regularly check DC's breathing while napping in the pram they slept so deeply! It's also quite handy now having children that can sleep almost anywhere.)

StrawberryMummy90 · 06/08/2016 10:18

And also why do you care so much how other people parent? So what she missed out on your gossip Mothers meetings, why does that concern you?

Focus on your own baby and stop gossiping about how others look after theirs.

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 10:18

StrawberryMummy90 · 06/08/2016 10:18

*gossip

StrawberryMummy90 · 06/08/2016 10:21

HeCant

You keep wondering and thinking about how other people parent....what a sad life

That's great your babies can sleep anywhere. Some will, some won't! What's the problem? Why do you care? I think you're the one with the obsession.....

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 10:23

Gossiping. Okay.

I was pointing out the downside of that advice as it might cause an issue for someone with a healthy social life.

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 10:24

Oh, FOTHFSOF.

hellsbells99 · 06/08/2016 10:28

Op - this is why in the 'olden days' weaning started at this age!

StrawberryMummy90 · 06/08/2016 10:28

Getting a baby to sleep in a cot doesn't mean they can't sleep anywhere else lol..I prefer DD having a long nap in her cot rather than out and about.

When she wakes up we go out, she's fresh and enjoys herself. I still don't understand the issue you have with babies sleeping in a cot..very odd

milpool · 06/08/2016 10:32

My DD is 14 months and still wakes once or twice in the night for a cuddle/feed.

She's slept for a solid 8 hour stretch twice in her entire life, and that's been within the past month.

My friends' babies who are breastfed (and a similar age) are very similar.

It is completely normal for breastfed babies to carry on waking in the night. If yours doesn't/didn't and started sleeping through of their own accord, then that's great, but it doesn't mean that it's the norm.

Would I rather she didn't wake up and slept through? Of course I would. And believe me, we've had some hellish nights lately. But I still wouldn't pay someone (who doesn't even know my child!) to come in and try and change things.

This is worth a read on breastfed babies and nights themilkmeg.com/why-our-breastfed-babies-and-toddlers-wake-so-frequently/

milpool · 06/08/2016 10:33

hellsbells actually, for me (and plenty of others I think!) my DD's sleep got worse when we started solids. I don't think the two are necessarily related, but I also don't think it's true to say that starting on solids will help a baby to sleep better.

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 10:38

When she wakes up we go out, she's fresh and enjoys herself. I still don't understand the issue you have with babies sleeping in a cot..very odd

It's not an issue, it's an observation! The baby Intalked about couldn't sleep in the pram, in the car, on his mother's lap etc because he was so conditioned to whatever routine she used with the cot. She wasn't happy about the lack of freedom it afforded her herself! It was a "if I'd known then what I know now" sort of thing.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 13:03

My DS never slept anywhere except on the boob. I used to walk the streets with him for hours, in tears due to exhaustion and desperation but he would never sleep. It was one of our sleep issues that led to me contacting the sleep consultant.

Following my consultation with her DS slept from 9-10.30 and 2-3.30 every day in his cot and yes, it meant I was restricted in terms of going out but I 100% preferred that than how I had previously been living.

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 13:15

How did she magically make him sleep? What happened if he wasn't awake at 10:30 or tired at 2:00? How long did it last?

Writerwannabe83 · 06/08/2016 13:19

It lasted from 10 months until he was two where we then dropped one of the naps and instead he had a 2.5 hour nap after his lunch.

She basically changed everything about DS's routines, the times he fed (solids and breast), changed his entire bedtime routine, talked me through how to wean him off feeding to sleep, how to deal with night time wake-ups and told me most importantly to put him in his own room.

Thingmcthingyface · 06/08/2016 13:19

Placemarking as have 4 month old doing same....

HeCantBeSerious · 06/08/2016 13:20

But he was 10 months old, not 4 like the OP.

Did any of the advice include ignoring him?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5